Coming to terms with losing my husband and sharing my faith. "A Bible that's falling apart belongs to someone who isn't"
Wednesday, April 19, 2023
Lunch break
Thinking about how Ron abused me in every way possible. Spiritual. Verbal. Physical. Financial. It is a lot. Not really anyone to talk to in person.
So a little depressed today but still doing my job.
That's it for now.
9 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Not excusing the behavior but he was a broken man. And... you stayed. Don't let him hurt you by dwelling on it. I still find myself thinking how my husband walked out on me 42 years ago. It seems kinda mental and I try not to do it.
But idols get run over by pickup trucks. I recommitted my life to God after the accident and made it clear to Ron I would not be staying unless we got married. He wasn't happy about that, called around to a couple of friends complaining about it, and every one of them who was single said "I would love to marry Heather she is so devoted to you. You're an ass if you let her go" which put it in perspective for him.
Someone sent me a copy of the book "Boundaries"at one point which I needed to red as well.
That;s not the story you told when you mentioned it before. You made it seem like ron wanted to get married once he got into the accident. Yeah with that attitude of his you really should have walked out of that hospital and left him to his family.
It was a little bit of both but mainly he did not want to get married until he talked to his friends who basically said who else in your life has signed up to wipe your butt? So he did a 180 and insisted we get married.
I couldn't have lived with myself if I walked away; I have to sleep at night and I have no regrets about care I gave or didn't give Ron up to the end. He was happy, he was loved. Everyone deserves that, a favorite cat curled up in his arm as he listened to his favorite music and ate a can of spaghettios with his bare fingers.
Were I not a Christian I would have done many things differently which is why (the Apostle) Paul said we (Christians) are most to be pitied if your faith isn't true.
"Were I not a Christian I would have done many things differently which is why (the Apostle) Paul said we (Christians) are most to be pitied if your faith isn't true. "
Even in your bible it clearly states that if a man cheats on his wife then that is grounds for leaving the piece of crap. Same with abuse. Don't use being christian as an excuse for staying with an abuser. Being a christian doesn't mean being a doormat, and letting someone disrespect you.
No I stayed because I felt I had no where to go, no marketable job skills that would have me supporting myself. I also felt responsible for Ron, he would end up in a facility or group home without me. I said I would take care of him so I felt obligated to do so.
When he wasn't drinking, doing porn, or disrespecting me he could be a fun guy as well. He had a knack of knowing when I was at a tipping point and pulling back, turning on the charm.
But any man in my life will be vetted. Ron had a lot of red flags including a restraining order on him from a previous girlfriend. Stated himself "Yeah I beat up those other girls but it was their fault" and poor dumb me believed it.
What I meant about doing this differently if not saved I would have walked away after the accident. But I thought it was a fresh start and my love would redeem him. Disney movie poisoning I guess. I can't stand Disney movies now.
You were devoted to an abuser and you did the best you could with very limited options. It happens. He lured you in when you were very young. It's over and you can move on. Please consider contacting that domestic abuse organization I put in the comments a while back.
9 comments:
Not excusing the behavior but he was a broken man. And... you stayed. Don't let him hurt you by dwelling on it. I still find myself thinking how my husband walked out on me 42 years ago. It seems kinda mental and I try not to do it.
You weren't walking with the Lord for the majority of your marriage were you?
Well,no I had made Ron my idol.
But idols get run over by pickup trucks. I recommitted my life to God after the accident and made it clear to Ron I would not be staying unless we got married. He wasn't happy about that, called around to a couple of friends complaining about it, and every one of them who was single said "I would love to marry Heather she is so devoted to you. You're an ass if you let her go" which put it in perspective for him.
Someone sent me a copy of the book "Boundaries"at one point which I needed to red as well.
That;s not the story you told when you mentioned it before. You made it seem like ron wanted to get married once he got into the accident. Yeah with that attitude of his you really should have walked out of that hospital and left him to his family.
It was a little bit of both but mainly he did not want to get married until he talked to his friends who basically said who else in your life has signed up to wipe your butt? So he did a 180 and insisted we get married.
I couldn't have lived with myself if I walked away; I have to sleep at night and I have no regrets about care I gave or didn't give Ron up to the end. He was happy, he was loved. Everyone deserves that, a favorite cat curled up in his arm as he listened to his favorite music and ate a can of spaghettios with his bare fingers.
Were I not a Christian I would have done many things differently which is why (the Apostle) Paul said we (Christians) are most to be pitied if your faith isn't true.
"Were I not a Christian I would have done many things differently which is why (the Apostle) Paul said we (Christians) are most to be pitied if your faith isn't true. "
Even in your bible it clearly states that if a man cheats on his wife then that is grounds for leaving the piece of crap. Same with abuse. Don't use being christian as an excuse for staying with an abuser. Being a christian doesn't mean being a doormat, and letting someone disrespect you.
No I stayed because I felt I had no where to go, no marketable job skills that would have me supporting myself. I also felt responsible for Ron, he would end up in a facility or group home without me. I said I would take care of him so I felt obligated to do so.
When he wasn't drinking, doing porn, or disrespecting me he could be a fun guy as well. He had a knack of knowing when I was at a tipping point and pulling back, turning on the charm.
But any man in my life will be vetted. Ron had a lot of red flags including a restraining order on him from a previous girlfriend. Stated himself "Yeah I beat up those other girls but it was their fault" and poor dumb me believed it.
What I meant about doing this differently if not saved I would have walked away after the accident. But I thought it was a fresh start and my love would redeem him. Disney movie poisoning I guess. I can't stand Disney movies now.
You were devoted to an abuser and you did the best you could with very limited options. It happens. He lured you in when you were very young. It's over and you can move on. Please consider contacting that domestic abuse organization I put in the comments a while back.
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