Thursday morning

 Well the storms came through last night.  A pretty uneventful night of sleep, I kept waking up but I guess that is my new normal for a while. I had all 3 cats in the bed when I got up so that was incredible.  

I had a nightmare someone broke in my house and coincidentally Ron was alive as well too. Still crippled in the dream, you think my mind would give him a break. 

Moderately depressed but I only have 2 days, and I should see my friend today. 

I don't think I mentioned this, last week I ran into a fixture at work (I just didn't see it coming) and have a spectacular bruise but my Time and Tru tshirts (I have many, I got them all on clearance) cover it up.  I don't want to walk around black and blue if I can avoid it. 

But it does remind me of the time I got mugged the guy was grabbing my arms violently as we fought and you could see the bruises coming minutes later; the officer who investigated said that made it a felony. Anyway I had these deep black finger marks all over my white arms.  

I didn't think much of it as I was telling everyone who'd listen about the mugging, and I always wear t shirts to work unless it is very cold (it wasn't). But Ron came to me one day at work and said I had to wear long sleeves because the men at work were making threats they would beat HIM up if I showed up to work looking like that again.  

All the times he did hit me and the one time people called him on it he was innocent. At any rate I did wear long sleeves until I got better (about 2 weeks).  And the threats worked: it was a long time before he hit me again. 

Early morning thoughts.  I am going to take my shower. 

 About my so called drive; I did have one in my teens Ron thought he hit the jackpot.  But events and antidepressants, I asked God to 'take it" and He did, until quite recently. I am not sure why He gave it back.  I would rather not have it.  I guess His way of saying I have something left for another husband.  

By the way yesterday going into the store I saw a man coming the other direction. He was clean cut,wearing some sort of Jesus t shirt and wearing a cross.  

And that's what I really crave: a spiritual leader who will pray with me, keep me accountable on my walk, ask for my prayer and support on his issues, go on Bible Handouts together or some other evangelism. Someone who will bring me a big sack of the candy I hand out, as a gift, because he knows that's what I really want.  But the theology has got to be 100%.  

That's it for now.