I give up.

 It used to drive me nuts, Ron was so stubborn in his sin (porn and alcohol).  No matter what God allowed Ron just kept at the bad things until the very day he died.  He was such a good customer of those porno talking books from the state library for the blind they send me a condolence letter a few days after I left a message on their voicemail.  

He would be lying in bed screaming in pain with neuropathy and his back and I would think of this Bible verse: Job 33:19

“Man is also chastened with pain on his bed, And with strong pain in many of his bones,

I had vented about Ron's drinking to one of our delivery men, a man named Reno, one day as Ron was literally too drunk to work that day and I had to pay for a cab to get the delivery.  Reno said he was involved in a deliverance ministry and we discussed him having a team out to cast the demon(s) out of Ron.  "But he will have to stop drinking first" 

"That will never happen" and when I told Ron about it he said absolutely not.  He was not upset I discussed the drinking he knew I talked about it here too. But Reno and I agreed Ron's pain issues were 100% related to his sin issues.  

Sometimes they are not, but for Ron they were.  When he was abstaining he did much better. And God will show the truth one day if I'm wrong.  

It is an open secret at work and with my family that I am a diet soda addict.  My boss even allows me to carry a couple bottles of Diet Dew in my vest as I'm working.  I have felt some conviction about stopping, did stop a couple times, started it up again.  

But the last couple weeks I get very nauseous every time I drink a diet soda. 

“Man is also chastened with pain on his bed,
And with strong pain in many of his bones,

Goes for me, too, I guess.  I am tired of being sick all the time.  I am tired of having oatmeal for dinner, and gagging when I see the gallon of milk in the fridge. Or meat. All meat makes me gag.  

I have not been sexually active so that is not a question.  The closest I got to any funny business was when Beau came up behind me one day at work, put his hand on my shoulder, and leaned over my other shoulder to see what I was doing.  And he's thousands of miles away now and likely sick/recovering from an operation.  

So oatmeal for dinner again; it does work to get the pills down.  I am taking a lot of ginger as it does help.  

That's it for now.