Five drivers today, three of them sick.
No wonder I am holing up at home.
We went to work, stocked, took the money out. Went to the bank, I got paid. Came home. I called the pharmacy, not ready yet. OK. I got on the computer, which died, along with everything else in the house... power outage. We have underground electricity and some construction workers were digging off to the side. They probably hit it.
I called and verified 3 of 4 were ready, power came back on. I went to Walmart. The Uber driver was sick... agh.
Got to the store, pretty good mayhem going, lots of stuff sold out, including cup of noodles. Got my pills. Yay. All 4 prescription.
I got everything on my list. I was particularly concerned about wet wipes but they still had plenty. I didn't buy more toilet paper as I have the equivalent (if you can believe mega-roll math) of 24 rolls already.
I talked to my aunt, she had some plumbing drama at one of her rentals but got off cheaply. She was very relieved about that.
Now, while I was gone, Ron arranged for a vodka delivery.
I took a Uber home. The paratransit cab in the loading area was a butthead and wouldn't move, he was just sitting in the cab after he loaded his client. My ride went around him and blocked him, then he moved.
I came home, got everything in the garage, came in the house and Ron was very drunk and belligerent. I had a hell of a time getting him to bed and was very frustrated and angry, it took me a while to cool off.
I got everything put away, about that time Ron sobered up enough to ask how I was doing. I didn't say anything because he was still "medicated" but I will later.
I haven't eaten dinner yet but have protein shakes in the fridge. I will have one of those with my pills.
I will also check the mail and see if my posters arrived. They are late.
Work was fine staff wise, one woman coughing in the cafeteria but that is pretty standard.
27 comments:
Big deal if Ron wants to get drunk he has a right to. Why would you get mad about something that happens daily?
When I found him he was trying to get out of his wheelchair and would have fallen on the floor and hurt himself.
One thing I have learned with the powers that be: anything goes wrong with him, it's MY fault. They made that abundantly clear during the last visit. It took a fair bit of shouting to get him to let loose of the counter, get back in his wheelchair (it was very ugly and precarious) and get him to bed.
It made me boil. I am human, I think anyone in my circumstances would have felt it too.
That, thank God, does NOT happen daily. I will need to have a talk with him, if this keeps up I will have to get a sitter with him when I do go out, or he will have to come with.
Every caretaker deserves time off you need to get the hell out of there and get some rest away from his constant needs. Or in spite of meds you will end up back in crazy town
Humans can only take so much stress and you have had more than your share..even these comments are triggery and stressful
It is ok to take a break and rest
I had a hemp smoke a while ago, LOL
At the other comment I did not publish: I wish it was on him when he hurts himself. I will be blamed, from what I have seen very few people look at my life, at him, and say 'Heather you are doing your best".
No, it is "Heather you bitch" etc. Even here to some degree. Remember all the uproar when he burned his leg and everyone shouting at me over that?
This is all COMPOUNDED by the fact that I am the recipient of his emotional and verbal abuse, sleep deprivation, name calling, financial and spiritual abuse, yet he is made to seem the victim in all of it.
Exhausting.
All your fault because you refuse to cut off his vodka.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We will see what happens with the virus Ron may end up getting cut off anyway.
And, he had the vodka delivered while I was gone, unlocked the door, made the phone call, paid the man and had him put the vodka away, all while I was gone.
Everyone was shouting at you because you weren’t taking care of the leg properly and wouldn’t take him to the fing doctor
Do you ever show empathy for others (aside from yourself or Ron)? I mean, no sympathy for the ill drivers? Not everyone gets to work 2 days/4 hour shifts a week and even choose which days to go in.
You have the option to leave, despite all of your excuses. Stop being a victim.
When someone ENDANGERS my husband I take it PERSONALLY AND IT PISSES ME OFF. I did NOT yell at them, OR report them, I was polite but not sympathetic and that is the WORST you can say about me today.
The leg healed up fine.
I work according to sales. More sales = more work. I do work more than you think, and will be working from home tomorrow.
“The leg healed up fine”. Luckily for you.
You are never sympathetic to anyone aside from yourself. You used to pray for people but not anymore. Sad
You ENDANGER your husband by not getting him appropriate care.
Of course it is your fault if anything goes wrong...you refuse to allow professionals in to assess the situation and help you.
I am curious how you feel he is financially abusing you. He basically provides his pay, your pay, the business and a disability check. Does he hold this over you in some way?
A big one that comes to mind right now is threatening not to pay the bills... for a very long time he said he would close his checking account and let the bank take the house, etc. Paying me late and making me beg for my pay...forcing me to spend what little I get on his bills (ones he is supposed to cover as he makes more), etc. He put me on one credit card and didn't pay it every month, it got shut off, wrecking my credit... not paying my cell phone to the point it got cut off... wanted me to beg him to pay it. So I put it in my own name. Spending what little we make on vodka and then giving me what is left. I could go on. Funny he always has the money for HIS cell phone.
So I have begun taking money "off the top" when I withdraw money from the business and use that to pay the bills (except my cell phone). he has yet to ask how the electric, etc. is being paid. Some of the other bills are on auto pay and I have to remind him to pay the gas bill over the phone.
To the other reply: caregiver burnout. "Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. It may be accompanied by a change in attitude, from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. ... Caregivers who are "burned out" may experience fatigue, stress, anxiety and depression."
"So I have begun taking money "off the top" when I withdraw money from the business and use that to pay the bills (except my cell phone)."
So you are still paying ALL of this from your own money and allowing him to spend ALL of his income on vodka and whatever else he wants? I don't understand why you would put up with this and allow him to get away with not paying the mortgage, etc. Why with all of this would you consider buying a whole house generator or even paying to fix the roof out of your own money?
Please explain to all of us again exactly what this man brings to the table that makes you continue to put up with his mental and financial abuse?
If you lose the house you will still have to pay your dad back and then you will be out that money and have no place to live. I don't understand what is happening here.
The issue is you are not making him pay his share of the bills. Taking the money off the top is fine but will only work for so long. It is disgusting how you allow this man to get away with so much.
Your relationship is beyond caregiver burn out. No excuse for the credit card or phone not to be paid. You got the bills and know what he is and isn't paying. No one can treat you this way without your consent and you have given him carte Blanche to keep doing these things. Don't bother fixing up the house any further you will lose it as soon as he stops paying the mortgage. I am also sure he no longer has the policy that pays off the house when he dies of which you were not the beneficiary anyway - his parents were. Which says a lot!!!!!!
1. The blind vendor program had a modest insurance policy on each of the vendors, some time ago. Ron tried to switch it to me, years ago, when he had the rectal bleeding but was told they don't do it anymore. So the only policy he has is in my name, the one that pays off the house. Conversely, he has a policy on me I encouraged him to buy back in 2004. It will get him settled if I die first and hopefully work out someone could live with him, care for him and the cats. That is on auto pay out of his checking account.
2. I take money out for my pay (very reasonable), then money for the bills, then he gets what is left. I am not spending "my" money on the electrical bill and all. If he wants to keep the thermostat up at 82 he will have to pay on that. I do pay my own cell.
I have done what I can to combat the financial abuse, the money runs past me before it gets to him so I am handling it that way.
Wait you take money out for your pay? You were just saying the other day that he does this? And he’s late doing so? And that he’s the one that “handles your tax withholding”
You're going to hurt yourself. Ron doesn't take money out of my pay I get the whole $600, and he pays the with holding for both my share and his. He has done this for 20 years.
The money is in the machines. I take the money out and count it. Say there is $1000 and we have an $80 electric bill. It is pay day. I get $600 (Ron does the with holding on that separately), the electric gets $80, Ron gets the $320.
The problem he is late taking us to the bank so I don't have 600, $1 bills in my pocket. At the bank I convert it into $20's and that is much easier. He prefers it as well. We don't deal with large bills at all.
I don’t think anyone has blamed you Heather. Maybe trolls. Those of us who read and like you know you do a lot of work.
No one blames you for Ron, we just all wonder why you haven’t run for the hills yet. That there isn’t a good answer for.
Was that so hard to explain?
However it’s still hard to wrap my brain around a debilitated alcoholic doing the math on the money, actually setting it aside (he can’t do it with sales tax) and not having many errors come tax time.
A lot of wanna be accountants posting, I don't even talk about that with my aunt.
SURE.
And how can you assume none of us ARE accountants?
Even if you are, I am not putting my books out for public record. You know how much I make and how much I borrowed from my father, what I am paying Dad every month, the details of the work program - more than any of you have shared with me.
I will share but only to a point.
I was asked how Ron abuses me, I related financial abuse was a part of that, further questions were asked - and answered!
I asked the question about how he financially abuses you. I appreciate your answer.
I do hope you someday reach out for help for yourself. Having your own money (not from Ron in any way) would change your world.
No one asked for your books
12:21, that's why I replied. 12:54 BS you probably want to know how much I spend on tampons. Hint: I buy the name brand.
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