Sometimes something will take me aback and I am reminded of Ron. People in wheelchairs. Blind people. Things like that. Recently it has been a magazine at work.
Some magazines publish special "book" editions of articles on a subject like Harry Potter or whatever. This one is "Understanding Alzheimer's" . I have absolutely no interest in that. It was enough for me to live with it for years, and to hear that Ron was 5 times more likely to get it after his head injury. Only people unconscious for more than 24 hours have that risk, which is not many. Plus add in genetics with both Ron's parents having dementia and he was doomed, poor soul. I don't need to know more. I don't WANT to know more.
It's just SAD. And this is awful to say but I am so afraid of another relationship and him getting sick too. That would crush me. Or his mother gets sick, or his kid..."Oh Heather has done this all before" and I get sucked down the rabbit hole again. I would rather live alone than go through that again.
All that said I fell asleep OK and slept alright. I was OK when I got up and pretty depressed now. Facebook gave me a "memory" a video of Ron in the wheelchair at work, stocking. He made it look so easy. The video was from 2010 so his back was still pretty good just the neuropathy in his feet. And the stroke and being blind of course, but he went to work every day and was happy he had a job. I miss him.
I am glad he isn't suffering any more. Very happy about that. But I do miss him. And today's the day I had planned to do all my cooking and kitchen work.
My solution for that is likely a B vitamin (I already took my pills) and some time on the exercise bike. I do feel better when I do that. I hadn't planned on the bike today but it is bad enough I think I should.
Right now I am going to go do up my medication for a couple of weeks. I will put some in baggies for the nights I work I can just grab a baggie and throw it in my lunch bag when I do work late. This week won't be hard, I only work 2 nights and 2 days, then have 3 days off. So I will go do that.
All done I was awash in a river of pills. I did some Vitamin E and Vitamin A in there too, in gelatin capsules. I keep the house warm enough that the gelatin sticks to the pill organizer and makes a mess. I thought maybe I could put the pill organizers in the fridge but I called the pharmacy. And as it turns out I cannot put my pills in the fridge. Glad I asked!
I decided to make some cheese/tortilla things those are tasty. I put some Louisiana hot sauce on them. I like a little bit of heat these days, not too much just a dab. And the Louisiana sauce is not overly hot. Most homes in Houston, especially Creoles, have a bottle of it on the table. I remember one time I bought a giant bottle of hot sauce at a dollar store and took it to work (at the Post Office), it was about 2 quarts and it was gone in about a week. Ron didn't want to make supply runs to get hot sauce but I would have. I also supplied dish soap for a while until the custodians yelled at me about it for some reason, and began hiding it, because they did not want people washing their dishes with soap. Why? I couldn't tell you. So I stopped. But people were still rinsing their dishes in the sink.
That's it for now.
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