Wednesday Night

My sound card died.  That really sucks.  But I am streaming audio over wi fi to my cell phone, which I put on the desk.  Not bad that way. 

Ron was most upset I couldn't play music videos for him.  He loves country music when he is drinking, but I detest it for just that reason.  He always plays country music when he's drinking.  And so many country music songs are about guys going out and getting hammered, Ron has half of them. 

Anyway, a little bit of a bad mood here. 

BUT I got my Walmart delivery.  That was funny, they did a substitution on it.  I ordered 11 ounce carrot juice.  They were out of stock, sad.  But I had allowed a sub on that if this came up.  So they sent me 2 quarts.  It's a good thing I love carrot juice!  Not bad for $1.94.  It reminds me of the time they didn't have the quart bottles on powerade so they sent me an 8 pack. 

The man was very nice and so surprised to get a tip.  Which led to a couple of internal questions.  Was he new to the job?  Was everyone else not tipping?  Was my tip remarkable? 

He had 40 pounds of litter, five 6 packs of soda, plus my other groceries, frozen, produce, etc.  All in good condition so he got a good tip.  No big deal. 

I thought.  I was happy to make his day. 

I got it all in the house, Ron woke up and went in the kitchen.  I got his permission (he is tricky like that) to work on his hand.  If he were able bodied I would just let it get infected but 1.  That's not who I am and 2.  He is very dependent. 

I was working on it and he was making rude remarks, rushing me, telling me I was a "bad nurse" (it isn't infected, is it?), etc.  I told him I was working for free and he should be grateful anyone wanted to work on his hand.  He went on how I had "a free ride with all bills paid" and I told him "nothing is free". 

I didn't argue but I didn't agree with him, either.  He got drunk and demanding I play him country music songs, but my computer wasn't working and I told him.  He got upset and I told him, it could have been the modem, right before our report was due.  He didn't appreciate that. 

It was early for it, but I got the last antibiotic into him before he went to bed.  He grumbled a lot about that and said I was "doing it for attention". 

What attention did I get, giving him his antibiotic?  It is 2 of us in the house with the cats.  I am trying to keep him from getting infected so I don't get into trouble.  That is all.  Like I said, if he were able bodied I would just shove the first aid supplies at him and walk away.  Of course if he were able bodied I would leave him. 

And that's what I think a lot of people miss, this is not an able bodied man.  His brain is messed up, he has hearing loss, he can't see.  He can barely stand a few seconds and get himself to the bathroom.  He cannot walk.  He has severe pain.  He can't even get in the house by himself. 

Recently I was looking at the list of qualifications to become a vendor in our program.  They have refined the list over the years.  Some notable requirements (to ENTER the program): stand for 10 hours, bend, squat, lift 40 pounds.  Wow.  I can do all that, but not him. 

And the demographer wondered why we didn't have more variety in our vendors.  Not many are up for that. 

But he's not "right".  I have empathy.  I can't imagine what it must be like to be that messed up, trying to make my way in the world.  That is one reason I don't make threats to leave him.  If/when I leave I will just do it, I won't throw it at him every 10 minutes leading up.  And I would set something up for him when I went. 

But I made a promise.  He has not kept up his end, even sadder I think he has to the best of his ability.  But I am very loyal.  That is a blessing and a curse.  I have a huge heart, the same reason I ended up with 6 rescue cats is the same reason I can't just walk. 

Now, someone posted up public records on me, Ron, and the house in my comments.  You might think that would have freaked me out, but there are only 2 women in the US (last I checked) with my name, and Deb on Low Carb Friends message board "doxxed" me back in 2010 by posting my full name next to my user handle on the message board, after I had left.  I didn't find out about it for a year.  And unlike Deb I was not one to use my full name anywhere. 

Now, I unfriended her on FB but not over that (that was just ignorance), but the pagan crap got really old. 

Even here you have to look a little.  I don't just have it on the header.  So she (somehow I think it was a woman) posted me and Ron's full names and our address at 123 Maple Lane ;P  But my privacy was already shredded 10 years ago when Deb posted my name without my permission, which I would have NEVER given.  So someone figures it out now, it is not hard if you know where to look.  I'm not going to tell you how but it's possible and not horribly difficult. 

And, like I said, the horse is already out of the barn.  I am not worried.  These days I think "what privacy?"  Someone else posted me on the net with my phone number and making, supposedly, $150K  a year.  I get a fair amount of spam calls.  Not that I answer. 

I don't answer unless I am expecting a call or they are in the phone book.  So don't call unless you send me a PM with your number and name, first, so I know it's you. 

My evening medication is kicking in, here comes the groggy and yet more dry mouth.  The dry mouth gets pretty old. 

Oh, and something awesome for the intermittent fasting column: I can take my antidepressant on an empty stomach.  I was really happy to discover that.  That should make IF a real possibility for me.  I would probably eat between 11-7 to start and then narrow it down to a 6 hour window.  Assuming I don't have any issues with my medication.  The Risperdal can play with blood sugar.  I am gearing up for that. 

I can't really commit to anything other than that right now but it's a start.