Didn't sleep well, he woke me up with his alarm, yelling for help.
He had moved the alarm when drunk last night, "lost" it, the damned thing was going off and it DOES NOT SHUT UP until you switch it off. The same annoying tune played again and again at maximum volume, Ron flailing around on his bed, I had to move him in the wheelchair, search the side of the bed (so much crap, and trash!), move the wheelchair, get my flashlight, move the bed, look UNDER the bed, find it on the wrong side of the bed. Put everything back and told Ron to get it. The whole time listening to his annoyingly cheerful jingle played at what seemed maximum volume.
I told him the minute we get some money we are getting Greg out to build him a shelf, EVERYTHING will go on the shelf, NOTHING on the floor. He agreed. It is too hard to find things, especially when they are small items like a battery cover or a flash drive.
Then he starts bleating about his back. I told him one of my readers noticed a correlation between bad back days and bad drunks the day before. He accepted that but clearly not changing any behavior. Went to the kitchen "Vodka will help instantly" - an hour later he is still moaning
He just asked me to "get him a bottle of water" and he is sitting about 18 inches from the fridge. I asked him what is preventing him from getting it for himself, he said he wanted it "to go". I still don't understand that reasoning.
He said his throat has been bothering him "for some reason". I said it would help if he wasn't pouring alcohol down it every minute. "I need it for my back". He is convinced of that because it "legitimizes" the abuse of alcohol and "Who would take pain medicine from a dying man?" so to speak.
I told him alcohol DIDN'T work for his pain, he said it would work "instantly" an hour ago and he's still moaning and groaning, pouring one shot after another. Sill in the same amount of pain.
I told him his pain was most likely due to his abuse yesterday. He said he "had" to get blackout drunk "his back was hurting". I told him he never said that and seemed to be just fine He said I did not understand.
[Chocolate is a massive migraine trigger for me, literally one bite last year put me down for a week)]
I asked him how he would feel if I ate "a pan of chocolate brownies" and then complained about a migraine the next day. He said he would be upset. I said that is how I feel, you keep doing the wrong thing and you want sympathy for it.
And I walked away. Now he is trying to tell me he would "never drink again" if it didn't "help his back". I am done listening to THOSE lies. He has been feeding me that one for a couple of years as you know but I am done believing it.
He is going to drink, a lot, until he's dead. It's that simple.
9 comments:
Sounds like you had a very productive night with helping Ron. He is very lucky to have you. Now imagine 20 more years of this. If the vodka is what helps his back pain then he doesn't need the pain meds or the kratom and I would withhold both effective today. Maybe you can clean the garbage out from under his bed next time he passes out. It's not like he would know anyway. Just because he wants to be a pig doesn't mean you have to let him. After all those trash smells affect your living and breathing environment too.
I hear you...on lots of issues. One of the things that alcohol does is mess with electrolytes, due to dehydration. That messes up the potassium, sodium, magnesium and calcium levels, and other nutrients. This will cause muscle spasms, and no amount of oral vitamins and electrolytes will be absorbed with the amount of alcohol that he takes. Even a couple of drinks will mess this up. I doubt that his stomach or intestines have much ability to absorb nutrients anyway. So not much point in worrying about a vitamin at this point. I know you worry, but this is pretty much out of your hands and in his. You need to take care of yourself, he is destroying both of you. Need to let go and put the care of him into other hands and take care of yourself and the cats you adopted.
Why do you have to pay someone to build a shelf? They sell shelves in the store fairly reasonably. Plus I believe a shelf would not make a difference as he would just knock into it and knock the stuff on the floor. Maybe a cabinet or a lock box for small things would be better. They have those pencil cases at walmart for a dollar that can hold small things like batteries, etc and at least they would be in a sealed container. Heck even a cabinet may be better than a shelf at least he can't throw that around.
Really sorry you have to deal with him. There is no rock bottom with him only his inability to pour the alcohol down his throat. And at that stage he will have to have more care than you can give what with lifting him etc. Know that you may not be the perfect care giver to everyone but you are doing the best you can for him. You always have. It is heartbreaking because you relie on him for an income and that makes it a thousand times worse. Please get the house issue straightened out to give yourself peace of mind. You deserve at least that for you and the cats.
I got sneaky on the electrolytes. I got Ron some electrolyte lemonade he adores and is always drinking. :)
He has dry food crumbs all over the floor, food wrappers, broken bits of junk, dead batteries, etc. It makes it very hard to find something for him. I got rid of his old walker which was a huge step. We have to work tomorrow and Monday, dentist Tuesday, but I am going to get him working on cleaning all that up. It is his trash and he can pick it up and put it in a bag. I, in the meantime, will likely be working on a litter box.
I like the cabinet idea but not sure how that would work for Ron in bed.
It’s sad because Ron never gave himself a chance.
I’ve read since day one. Times he’s been in the hospital nice and pleasant to you—they exist.
The accident was horrible. That happened. No way to fix it.
But what if Rob didn’t drink like he does? What if he did rehab exercises? What if he ate right? What if he exercised on his own? What if he listened to doctors?
He may still be in pain, we don’t know. But what’s sad is he also may still be walking. He just never cared.
I’m sorry Heather. Praying for you.
I agree he could be doing a lot more, or could have. Even now he could still do a water aerobics program. Stretchy bands. I am sitting one foot from a recumbent exercise bike he bought to work out. He is getting better about protein intake and vitamins.
His mother used to yell at him for eating "too much meat" when he was a kid/teen (they were very poor and too proud for assistance). They wouldn't even let him drink milk... so he has that mindset that protein is only for rich people - I am convincing him it is OK, and necessary to eat a good amount of protein every day. He ate half a bowl of chicken fajita meat for dinner. "Protein is always a good idea" I told him tonight, and he nodded. He is getting it... and his leg is looking better.
I don't get why your house is so cluttered, there is stuff everywhere. What is stacked on the floor, and everywhere else?
What happened to your exercise program, did you just stop? Is it part of being bi polar where you're all gung ho for something for a while then move on to something else?
Some of it I can get rid of, some I can't (evangelism materials).
Part of the workouts has been the bipolar thing...when I'm depressed it is a lot harder to get up and go. Part of it I have gotten out of the habit. I had also injured the side of my leg for a while but that is finally better (no more side lunges!). I will try to get back into it as it can only help with my problems (picking Ron up, stress relief, etc.) the cats like to come out and watch as I do it in the garage.
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