I'm going to tell you about one of the first manias I can recall.
You probably don't know I was in Girl Scouts. When I lived on the east coast it was a lot of fun, they took the program seriously, we did camp outs, we visited various facilities, etc. When we got to the west coast it was basically a social club and afterschool program. Just a way for mothers to get rid of their daughters once a week. I didn't like it but by God I was a Girl Scout (so my stepmother said) and I would remain one until the end of 6th grade.
My birth mother missed out on a lot, including teaching me to ride a bike. My stepmother solved that by putting me on a hill and giving me a shove, off I went. So I rode my bike everywhere, including home from Girl Scouts every week.
I did not have a helmet.
One day going home I felt an unusual sense of well being, tremendous energy and a reckless surge - a high many pay very good money to get. I rode home, feeling wild and free. But that wasn't enough, the recklessness won out and I began jerking my handlebars left and right, swerving.
I lost my balance, and the pavement came rushing up to meet me. SMACK into the concrete. I got up OK and I thought all was well until I realized I was dripping blood all over the pavement. It was all over my clothes, shoes, the pavement. I couldn't find it for a moment, then realized I had a laceration under my chin. I put my hand under it in a vain attempt to stop the bleeding...my high gone... and a concerned citizen came rushing out to meet me.
He called my stepmother, who picked me up, took me home. She made me tip back my head and looked under my chin, my stepsister joined her. They agreed I would have to go to the ER.
And off I went, I got cleaned out (I had gravel right next to my jawbone) disinfected, and sewn up. And boy did I look a mess. Blood all over the shirt, pants, and even my shoes. Not to mention the pavement and God knows what else on my trip to the hospital.
The doctor was most concerned about my spine, I realized much later, and did a full neuro check to make sure I did not have any fractures. I could have ended up quadraplegic out of that. Happily, I did not.
I just have a scar under my chin but I have to tip my head back to show it. So I don't worry about a little blood loss from a cut, I weighed half what I do now back then and it was no big deal.
That was one of my first manias and a very good example of the stupid things we do when we are manic (bipolars).
7 comments:
I wonder why god intentionally gave you and others an illness that could kill you. What about people just like you 100 or 200 years ago that never had a name for their condition or a treatment that could help them live a functional life. Many are a product of the untreated mentally I'll many innocent children abused and neglected because of it and doing the same to the next generation.
I just have to think it is bad DNA. It's like a horrible chain letter that gets worse with every generation. I am glad I am pretty much the only one in my generation to have it. I wouldn't wish it on an enemy.
Some Christians believe in "generational curses" I am not sure what I think about that.
The point is that if we are all victims of chance like bad DNA then free will for many does not exist because free will would never cure you of bipolar and FAS. Those in the past who did not have medications to help them lived lives of hell. Just food for thought.
Don't I know it. I guess a part of it you can pick your partner and see if they have a family history of anything you don't want in your kids.
For instance, no one ever argues with me when I tell them Ron's blindness is inherited, and his children would have had it. Suddenly I get a pass on being a human mother.
I will have to say I was gotten away from my mother at a pretty young age, her other 2 kids are pretty messed up, look what I have with just a couple years of her? But I was in therapy all during my teens so hopefully I have an ability to look at things.
" never had a name for their condition" It's called living in a sinful, fallen world, apart from the glory of God.
It's that, but primarily BAD DNA. My illness is very genetic and looking at my family tree I am not surprised I started hallucinating as a toddler.
Our genes were probably damaged during the fall. God created a PERFECT work. ((hugs))
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