So, I'm thinking and I have basically 3 clans on my blog.
I have the "Leave him he is a turd and deserves the worst".
I have "You need to do more for him, you negligent bitch!"
and I have the "You are doing a great job and I support your choices" (smallest group).
Ron is abusive. He is also feeble, and unable to care for himself. Imagine a 150 pound toddler alcoholic. That is pretty much my existence these days. Sometimes he can be very sweet and appreciative. Other times he is, well, toxic.
Sometimes he is both which is just a total brain scrambler. So, to the first group: I made a commitment. One of the only joys in his life is his cat, she goes away if I do and he will likely end up in a hellhole assisted living or home. I have to live with myself. I have to spend eternity knowing I did what I did and being OK with that.
If I go, it will not be a decision made lightly.
To the second group: I can only do my best. I am the only person Ron has. The only one. I am the only one helping him into bed, off the floor, feeding him, medicating him, taking him to work, helping him with EVERYTHING. With him being a difficult alcoholic on top of that, with some gnarly physical problems. He is very willful and has to be talked into just about anything, even something simple like taking a multivitamin. He often refuses to eat. I do my best.
To the third group, thank you. I had to get him into bed tonight and it was very physically taxing, he wasn't able to do much. He is making some noise now so I hope I get a good night's sleep. I did my best to make him comfortable.
And so ends my day.
6 comments:
So you will never leave him. Great then stop hinting that you may if he keeps treating you like garbage. Did you know if Ron was to drink 20 shots of vodka at one time it would probably kill him? Good thing he spaces the drinking out. Eventually he will wind up in a state assisted nursing home (that will be like hell) and they will take all of his money that he has to pay for it. You will be without a job. But I suspect your blog is a little bit for theatrics and some of what you say you are not 100% honest about. Like when you told everyone you get paid $800 a month and then it went up to $1200 a month. And then saying Ron only gets a little more than that a month. Which is probably a white lie. More than likely he gets a least double and after he pays the mortgage, electric and insurance ALL the rest goes into his drinking. It is expensive to drink that much and probably a lot more than the $400 a month you estimate.
What happened to exercising everyday so you would be strong enough to get Ron in and out of bed? You have not exercised for months now. I was really excited to see you motivated to get in better physical shape and discouraged when you just stopped all of it.
I support you 100% but you do need rest a break and some help . You are amazing Heather but you are also from what you write, not eating well not sleeping well and it is going to get harder for you to make good choices .
I am shocked at how much Ron has deteriorated and really know Your view of the world is limited to what you can see due to your own neurological issues and the damage you sustained from your mothers drinking.
Please get help ask for help fight for yourself as hard as you fight for Ron and the cats.
I don't think anyone reading your blog thinks you dont do enough to help him and those that do have their own mental issues to deal with.
With that being said those that want you to leave him are acting in your best interest because they know he will never change.
What is wrong with setting boundaries as a caregiver with him? Letting him know a dirty and garbage filled room is unacceptable. That urinals need to be emptied once per day. Bedding washed once a week. And a bath at minimum 2 times a week? It is about him respecting you and your house too. I would add a limit to the vodka but lets not wish for miracles that cant happen.
About the exercise, yes, I need to get back into that. I was able to barely get Ron into bed last night and had a hell of a time pulling him up in bed, I need to work on full body exercises for me on that. My current plan is to go out and do some swings every morning before I take my shower. I can do that, work up to the 25 minutes I was doing a couple times a week. Later on add back walking. It is just hard to look that in the eye with a depression.
He could very well drive me to the point of leaving him. However, I would need to find a place that took 6 cats. That is unlikely and I am not ditching them.
About Ron being urgent, when you put it that way I will look for a neurologist. He may or may not go but I will find one.
When he was sitting on the floor of his room, combative, covered in blood, I came very close to calling 911. Then I saw the cut on his hand and realized he was not going to bleed to death.
I do what I can to take care of myself. I am sitting at my computer listening to AC/DC at 7 in the morning on my day off (not very loud). Ron is asleep in the next room.
I will work on getting him to clean his room when he gets up, change his sheets. I like the laundry sanitizer so I don't have to worry about germs in the bedding.
It's the frog in the pot that doesn't notice the heat getting turned and then he boils.
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