Sunday morning

 I did not sleep well last night.  I had planned to go to a local PCA (Presbyterian) church this morning but I was exhausted when the alarm went off.  

I did not want to fall asleep on the bus so I opted out.  I did listen to 2 sermons on podcast though.  

This church is not really close but it is doable on the bus, there's a little walking but only one bus and it's in a good area when I do walk. 

My aunt used to attend this church and said it's "come as you are" dress so pretty much anything would work.  They don't have a livestream but I did listen to 2 sermons.  

Then I did my God Time and read Isaiah "Your Maker is Your Husband" Isaiah 54:5 and I have been thinking I have been happy by myself.  No one trying to "fix" me when I get depressed so I have to hide it.  Get up when I want.  Cook what I want without all the constant criticism about my food.  Ron was terrible about that.  Other people would be raving about my food and he would make faces as he ate it.  I can wear what I want think what I want.  Lots of advantages.  If I want to spend a couple of hours on my day off listening to sermon podcasts and reading my Bible I can do that.  

I am not looking for someone new.  If God sends someone, great, but I don't like the way I get around men who seem eligible.  I get stupid, put them on thrones that belong to Jesus.  Have my whole life.  Better not to have the man at all. 

I have been celibate for a LONG time so that's not an issue.  Plus between menopause and my antidepressant I doubt there is much drive left anyway; at any rate I asked God to "take it" years before Ron died and He did.  

I have a LOT of baggage - abused wife, mental illness, wife and child of alcoholics, etc.  Brain damage.  High school dropout.  

Did I tell you that story?  I was in a "program" for emotionally disturbed teens my last few years of high school.  Scholastically I did very well, they gave me books and written out lessons and I would complete them, turn them in, straight A's. 

Part of the curricula was training me for "living skills" I would need to function on my own, like using the bus. More on that in a minute. 

They wanted me to get a job on my own but I was non driving.  So I didn't.  They put me in a job training program, one the district had for years.  I was the first person actually hired out of the program so that was considered a success.  

They wanted to send the "short bus" with the special ed logo on it to pick me up from school and take me to work every day.   I was a teenager with pride issues and not the gay ones.  The first couple days I just walked the 3 miles to and from work every day.  

Dad came through the drive through one day and ordered the "Heart stopper to go" (it was fast food) cackling maniacally so he could see me working.  It is funny now but I was NOT amused!  

So there was a guy at work who was blind in another job program who told me (here it comes) how to ride the bus, you just wait at the stop, wave at him when you see him, get on, pay your fare, sit down, pull the bell (back then it was a cord not a button like it is now) when you want to get off and don't forget to say thank you.  He called the bus company on the payphone (LOL) and figured out what buses I needed and also got me some schedules.  

"The Program" (at school) had given me a bus pass in preparation for the great training session on How To Ride The Bus.  They were MOST unhappy when they asked me how I was getting to work and I said I was taking the bus.  They wanted to know how I learned to do this.  I told them my co worker Ron taught me.  

And thus began the campaign to fire Ron, which did succeed.  He didn't care he had me by then.  

But the Program wanted one of those fancy new computers and there was only one way to get it, for an adult Heather (over age 18) to request, from the state, a special computer "for my vision problems" they had the request all done up.  But if I graduated in June 1992 I would not be 18 so they held me back for "social" reasons, claiming I was "not ready for the real world".  

I almost committed suicide over that Ron is the only one pulled me out because he didn't graduate on time, either. As I approached age 18 they presented me with the request and a lot of arm twisting because I felt it wasn't ethical to lie about vision problems that were corrected with glasses.  They were adamant.  

So it was with great glee I left home the day after my 18th birthday and didn't look back.  A few weeks later the director of "The Program" came to work and was waiting for me when I walked in the door.  She said "Heather, we need to talk" in a nasty voice.  

I told her "I'm 18 now I make my own choices" and walked past her.  She tried to follow me in the back and my boss, a very tough, big, dude from Iraq, stopped her.  He asked me if I wanted to speak to her and I said no.  

So he said 'Don't bother MY EMPLOYEE YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW".  She protested but he bounced her out of there pretty quick.  

I realized I needed another job after that so I went to a Target up in the county where I lived and that was the last I saw of her. But what a black eye for the program.  No computer.  A "dropout" on the records.  

I eventually got a GED from the local High School I had the best scores in a while they said.  

So yes I have a lot of baggage. I don't have a car but I have a house.  I don't have a high school diploma but I had a Ham Radio License. I do think about getting another one sometimes. 

The stew is done I like it a lot so I will share my recipe.  On some things like baking I am very precise and in others I am more casual, like cooking meats.  

1.5-2 pounds beef stew meat (this will fit in a small crock pot)

I used 1.2 pounds regular stew meat and got .4 pounds "soup bones and meat" from Food Max to add a little more nutrition and flavor.  

.5 cup red wine (I used the small "Black Box" brand with the screw on and resealable cap because I only use wine for cooking, I used the Cabernet. I got it at work it was about $5, adds a lot of flavor and if you only use it for cooking will last a while in the fridge. ) 

.5 cup beef stock (I used the HEB brand)

3 cloves garlic, peeled (or in my case I had one medium and one extra large)

2 handfuls chopped frozen onions

1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper

I used a liner.  Then I put the garlic and onions on the bottom.  Then I added the beef, poured the liquid over the top, and sprinkled the top with the salt and pepper. 

One nice thing it makes a lot of a very good broth.  You could add a whole cup each of the wine and broth if you want LOTS.  

You could also add traditional stew vegetables if you do put them in the bottom with the garlic and onions.  But if you do the last 2 you will need a bigger crock pot.  

That's it for now!