Good news: all the cats are in so I locked the cat door.
I did not sleep well and woke up late. I had an incredibly difficult time with Ron, he was nasty and abusive.
I finally said "Why are you treating me like this?' and he said "Because you love Him (God)".
"Why are you even with me then?"
"Because I don't have anyone else"
And it continued with the verbal abuse, calling me an OCD bitch because I wanted him to wash his privates, etc. If what Ron chose to do only reflected on him I would absolutely leave him to his own devices. I think, on some level, he is always trying to kill himself.
But if this wound gets nasty they will be pointing fingers at me, not him. So I got him to clean up and then I applied the disinfectants, the wound is looking better - it likes iodine.
He got angry at me because I put the belt on his pants, even though he has said repeatedly he wants me to do it. Very ugly until I reminded him of that and then nasty and sarcastic about it. Then it was the Q-tips. He has some wax in his ear and wanted me to fetch him a q-tip every 3 minutes. I kept telling him "You have these in your drawer" and I finally (after 2) refused to get him any more. Then he looked in his drawer, found them, got very nasty and sarcastic.
Then she long dialogue of shouting at God and saying ugly and abusive things about me but I'm not supposed to react because it is a "private conversation" even though he literally shouting things like "Why did You give me such a dumb bitch?!"
Then a very brief "Oh, thank you for everything" but not meant sincerely. Now he is in the kitchen.
Ugh. And we haven't even gone to work yet.
I did nothing but treat him with respect this morning. I got a little frustrated at the constant torrent of abuse but that is all. I did not lash out at him. I treated him with compassion.
I do wish I could push a button where I wouldn't take his comments personally anymore, but I do tend to do that (not a good thing). I wish it worked for other people, too.
If I could take a pill for it I would pay a lot of money.
10 comments:
Yes call adult protective services about it and let him see how someone who doesn't give a damn about his sorry ass treats him. What a pathetic moron. You should rail against god for giving you such a pig of a husband who refuses to wash his nasty self. If he refuses to let you treat his burn then you will have to take him to the doctor or call APS and let them deal with him.
Say “bye” and walk out the door. And don’t come back for a while and see what he does. He’s a stupid POS. This right here is an example of why we all tell you to leave him and get so upset when you try to say he’s “got so many good qualities”. He doesn’t. Not one.
You have your hands full, Heather. Prayers for you and also for Ron to find some peace with God.
Yes, he can be a jackass, but everyone CAN I believe. He did let me feed him a lot of protein, didn't eat Cleo's burger, and "let" me clean his leg again later.
I have to pick my battles with him.
I very seldom get angry at God for how Ron treats me. I get weary at times of all God has on my plate but I don't get bitter about it. Usually.
I try to believe I am in my situation for a reason and how can I make the best of it?
"Yes, he can be a jackass, but everyone CAN I believe." Yep exactly what every single abused woman says to herself when she is in an abusive relationship. This is how the abuser gets you to stay with them.
And please tell me what is the reason you were born into a family with a mentally ill and alcoholic mother who neglected you as an infant and caused you to have FAS. Then moved on to another abusive family situation and then was practically pushed into your current abusive situation? What could possible be the reason behind ALL of this?
Is god intentionally messing with you or is it just random chance and fate that gave you the life you have?
To be honest, dealing with someone with a TBI can be very difficult. I'm glad you're going out more regularly on your own, Heather. It seems like you become happier when you do that. -star_tigress
Star, I hope I can get out but it's not looking good for the next week or two.
To the other comment, I have to figure God set me up like this because He knew I could handle it, with His help. Hopefully my problems have given me more empathy
I remember I was somewhere where a woman was talking about an emotionally abusive husband. She was distraught (not me) and some other women were talking to her. One asked "Does he hit you?" and when told no she walked away, completely dismissing the other woman's pain.
"But he's so - " the woman was nearly speechless. I walked over to her and said "I get it" and she looked at me with such gratitude. Because it was apparent I did get it.
And there's only one way that happens - at the House of Pain.
Bulls--it about god setting you up like this because he knew you could handle it. There are plenty of abused and traumatized children who grew up addicts, homeless, messed up, etc because they couldn't handle what happened to them. Why are you able to and others can't? I don't know. Human beings are very complex. One person can still thrive after the most horrible of treatments and another just melt down. Maybe your migraines are a sign that you aren't handling it as well as you think you are.
I can't, and won't, speak to others. But I can't do the bitterness thing. That's why seeing the driver who hit Ron and his constant need for reassurance "it wasn't that bad, what I did to you" was so upsetting - it disrupted my balance. I have cut what needed to be cut, set firm boundaries in my life (I am very careful what some are told), basically rated everyone in my life on reliability/dependability/do they have my back or will/have they stuck a knife in it? And gone from there. It has worked for me and allowed me to keep some not so healthy people in my life. I know who to lean on.
My faith tells me that "weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning" so even bad things work for good, in the long run. I may not see it while I'm alive but I will one day. So I hang onto that as well.
I wouldn't say I am thriving but fairly functional. Most importantly my doctor is not worried and he's the expert.
Migraines are (God love the ancestors) genetic. Why 2 people from families with severe migraines and mental illness got together and decided to breed a child with mental illness and migraines... I couldn't get the musical ability or the engineering gene. Nope, I got the migraines and the crazy. A lot lately is hormonal, some is diet (strictly regulated), some is genetic, and some is stress.
Generally it's my digestion when I'm stressed. I have issues. I have had an acid stomach today with the bad news about my friend. I just wish I could hear something and get on with the grieving process if that's what this is.
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