Well, the doctor was impressed with me and said so when I gave a partial medical history for Ron. I knew TBI, coup-contracoup, hemmorhagic, etc.
I went to work, first, though. We did that, did the heck out of it. The other vendors came in and told me Mike has made an amazing turn around and is talking. He will be laid up for a while, though.
Still, good to hear. I know he is looking forward to going home, he has a special little lap cat.
We came home and I laid down for a little bit (about an hour). I had locked the cat door, a panel slides down over the door. I heard Mama cat pawing at it and heard some very loud, proud, summoning meows "Come here I have something good".
When I got up she had lifted the lock panel by about 4 inches and slid out, taking Spotty with her. Well, shit.
I got Ron as ready as I could. He absolutely forbade me from mentioning his leg to the doctor and it is his body, so I didn't. We caught our ride and got there in a timely manner.
The waiting room seemed to be aches and pains, I didn't see anyone overtly contagious. One guy limped around a lot in front of the staff, but moved pretty quickly when they weren't looking. I found that telling.
They called us in and the medical assistant knew us through her mother. She got the history of the problem and went back out. The doctor came in, a very nice man we both immediately liked.
They cleared up the ear wax issue. Doc also noted Ron does not have great circulation in his legs and we discussed that. I asked if I could put Ron on a baby aspirin every day, he said sure, but it was not as good as the clot busters. Ron flatly refused to take them and with his alcohol history probably a good idea.
Ron told the doctor he wants to be DNR so they made that happen, it is official now. I don't have an issue with that. I got a copy for my aunt, who is our local next of kin.
I will see her Friday and give her our copy. Ron didn't want to talk about his leg and wasn't running a fever so I didn't push it.
We left, I went to Starbucks, leaving him somewhere safe.
We ended up calling a cab to come home, it would have been a long wait otherwise. I was also able to run though a drive-through (for me), and Ron went to the liquor store.
We came home. I took my pills. I need to clean the boxes but the cats keep using them. Frustrating, but I did see Biscuit have a normal bowel movement which means his infection IS totally cleaned up. Everyone's solids seem to be better on the probiotics. I will continue that probably long term.
We did OK most of the day but did a little biting and snapping at each other when we got home.
We shut the door to the bedroom so the cats REALLY can't get out. They will be unhappy about it and most likely make a racket tonight but they will be safe. The bedroom door will remain shut while we're gone.
Ron called our handyman although I think the "securing" job is beyond handyman level. I think we need a chain link fence enclosure. We will see.
Like Ron told the handyman, we won't be able to do this for a while so I will just have to keep the door shut.
I plan to go to bed early, but I have got to clean those boxes.
19 comments:
You were at the doctor for freaking ear wax build up and refused to tell the doctor about the burn so it could at least be looked at because Ron said not to? What is wrong with you? Sometimes we have to DO something to help someone and there was NO reason for the doctor not to look at it. I think he is hoping the burn turns into something way more serious. At this point I really have to question your competence as a care giver because there was no reason not to get that checked out. You both are freaks.
And you haven't even seen us in bed together!
He is a grown man. If he can pay his mortgage, bills, taxes, make his own travel arrangements, etc. he can make a decision about his medical care. It is not getting any worse. He has said he will go back if it is not better next week. He is not running a fever per the doctor's office, either.
I would be VERY upset at Ron if he went behind my back on a non-critical issue after I had asked him not to do so. So I respected his choice. He is not having a medical crisis. At worst, he may need some cream and antibiotic prescription.
You have been freaking about this wound all week because of the ramifications it would have on you as a caregiver (which I believe are all due to your own paranoia) so I’m pretty sure you were totally on board with hiding the wound for that very reason.
Also being able to “pay” a mortgage isn’t a benchmark for being a grown man who can do things for himself - especially in his case. He wouldn’t be able to do any of that without you as you essentially run his business for him and often blog about paying a bill for hjm. Sounds like all he does is call paratransit anymore. He is unable to do jack shit without you.
You both are dumb ass-es and more wasting of money by Ron if you have to pay for a second doctor visit. And NO he is not a grown man he is a child and acts like a child.
Has no common sense and no impulse control and makes POOR decisions. So following his lead is just ridiculously stupid on your part.
Not to mention if it wasn't for you working his business for him he would not be able to pay his (ironic isn't it both of yours) mortgage, taxes and make travel arrangements, cook dinner, do the dishes, clean the house, take care of the cats, etc.
Of course this grown man should be able to clean his burn, get back in bed when plastered, he is unable to use a toilet, unable to use a microwave, refuses to bathe, have his sheets laundered at least once a week, cannot go anywhere on his on.
But yes you should definitely demur to him on medical issues on his person after all he can see the burn so he knows it is OK.
If he was in a nursing home there would be no compromise on medical treatment for things such as this.
Now his burn is healing but it would not have hurt one little bit to have the doctor look at it. Unless maybe it isn't or he is hiding something else from the doctor.
Who cares that he can pay some bills and make travel arrangements?
Ron can't see or fully feel the burn on his leg.
The doctor noted that Ron doesn't have great circulation in his legs. Not discussing the burn with the doctor during this conversation was just irresponsible.
Sorry about my other comment. I know you are doing the best you can with the resources you have.
Why don't you ask Ron if he cares about what will happen to you when he dies. Seems like the DNR is foreshadowing something more. Does he realize when he dies you will be jobless? Does he care?
I am sorry he didn’t show the burn to the doctor but like you say you can not “force” him . As long as he is able to make his own choices.. he will... I feel sad you still blame yourself... and know you will ... it that is part of an abuse cycle the victim feels guilty for the abusers behavior and it gets reenforcement by others who “victim blame “.
I almost wish the burn hurt him, then he would take it more seriously. It is not a 3rd degree, but he doesn't have good sensation in that leg. Ron did make a good point of not feeding him anything hot when he is drunk. I plan to do that.
He does not care what happens to me when he dies. He is only concerned with ending "his pain" and mine is incidental. If he cared about what would happen to me, I would think he would take much better care of himself. He says he does care and I think he does on occasion but overall he has gotten pretty selfish lately.
The top of the leg has good circulation and he has felt the burn more than once. I am watching it, the bad part is about 2x2 and the surrounding area is another couple square inches. Bad part is probably second degree and edges are first. It has remained the same size and fits under a 2x4 bandage. If it spreads, looks worse, he gets feverish, he is going to the doctor.
The doc with Ron's copay is about $20 so doable. Not like it would be for me. So we can afford to go back.
I will say he has been good about taking vitamin C which can only help. I have no problem with antibiotics but I will use C in the interim if that is all he will take. I am also giving him a fruit/veggie juice blend with a lot of vitamin A in it for wound healing.
I actually agree with the cranky post which is why I allowed it. Ron has a history of making bad decisions (hopefully not me). I will be watching him and will bring my thermometer this weekend.
You have to remember you are not a doctor and you are mentally ill/ brain damaged. Stop trying to treat him yourself. Vitamin C won’t keep him from getting a nasty infection because he has horrible grooming habits AND the environment is very very unsanitary. If that area by the cat door is any indication.
I admit I run paranoid and that is partially the reason I did not bring it up. But Ron had not taken a bath that day and did not want the doctor to examine him. He also had another reason and that is like the only thing I will never talk about until he's dead. Unless he gives me permission and I doubt that will happen.
He does do all the accounting for the business and does not want me to do it. Which leads to trouble sometimes but his name on everything. When you are in this program only the blind person can have the business and family just has to drop out when they die. No matter how long they have "been in the program". I have been told (by someone fairly unreliable) the program would "take care of me" for a while after Ron's death but I remain skeptical. I believe the other vendor would help me out if they had a vacancy and I can actually get to work on the bus.
About bill paying I have to figure bad things are coming for me in the future and God wants me basically managing my life on my own at that point. That's the only way I can see it happening this way.
It's actually looking a lot better today, that silver ointment doesn't fool around. Lots of fresh pink tissue.
I would not put up a photo but it looks a lot better than a few days ago.
What the hell could he possibly not want the doctor to see that he refused to show him the burn? That is the burning question. Believe me doctors have seen and smelled it all. I went to pick up a prescription at a pharmacy and this guy came in and his clothes were filthy and he smelled of urine and body odor. It was bad. After he left the smell lingered and the pharmacist had to spray lysol just to try and get rid of that stench. More than likely he was a drug user because no one in their right mind walks around smelling like that.
Also Ron knew he was going to the doctor so no excuse for him not to take a bath instead of going in all stank ass. And no handi-wipes are not a substitute for a shower or bath. Maybe as a temporary solution in extreme cases where you have something that cannot touch water or you are recovering from a surgery or something but not as a way of life. I can't imagine how he is able to wipe his behind when he can't pee in the toilet or even be bothered to empty his urinals every day. What else does he have to do ALL day that this simple task is ignored and builds up?
Is he concerned where he goes when he dies?
Please give him the gospel again.
He is born again just not living the life.
I really can't talk about Ron's reluctance. I am able to but he is unwilling for me to discuss it. He can pee in the toilet but has a hard time getting to/from. It is easier to pee in the bottle. We have wet wipes which I have found work very well for preventing (my) bladder infections.
I have to clean the toilet with bleach when he changes out the urinals, it is pretty bad.
If he's born again, how can he be mad at you for loving God? You better double check, he may think he's born again but a false convert.
I have done everything in my power to help him spiritually, leaned on God and asked for guidance on that... it is ultimately up to Ron. I have to keep my own faith clean in all that. I dirtied it up enough in the past, for Ron, putting Ron where God should go. We don't debate theology but he knows my views.
When Ron was dead he said he was very happy (understatement) and did not want to come back (again understatement). But "someone" showed him the day of my diagnosis 5 years later (very traumatic for me) and said Ron could be with me or not, Ron chose to be there. I would think only God would know something like that. And I would think he would only be that happy and at peace with God in Heaven.
But I don't take that as gospel... I do find it interesting Ron described it down to the last detail, me sitting on the bed in the exam room, crying, them wanting to hospitalize me against my will, etc. As it is they only let me go that day because I had a "responsible adult" to "take care of" me. Joke's on them!
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