This is a good example of screwed up body image, when taking this photo I did not see myself as "happy" at my weight. Even though I would love to look like this again.
Now, I weigh a lot more today, probably +40. And I still don't like the way I look.
Now I know what I need to do, when I am ready, calorie counting, watching macros (not too much of any one nutrient), food logging (! hate it!), regular exercise but not too much... etc. When I am ready I will do it.
I think I will slide into it with the food logging due to the other issue, I can see what is triggering my episodes. I have thought it might be interesting to note mood as well to see if there is a food link (every time I eat tacos I get manic, for instance). I will do it for that.
But I have read again and again if you want to lose weight watch your calories, and the people I know (my doctor, for one) who have lost a big chunk AND KEPT IT OFF for a long period all watch their calories. Doc even says he cuts his calories for a few days before my visit because I make it a point to bring treats.
Well, already made and sealed treats. It is a psychiatrists office, they don't know what the patients are doing so always better to have "Here is a sealed box from Sam's Bakery, or a bag of fun sized Snickers".
The Snickers are so popular at every medical office (including vet) I actually have some on hand in case I need to go to a doctor. When Biscuit had his blockage I brought them a bag of Snickers and they had not had a lunch yet, it was 3 PM, and the doctor was starving. You can bet he got good care because I took care of them and I admit that is a part of why I do it.
Be the person who brought candy.
I may even start a thread on a message board and get some advice from long term weight loss veterans. Like me, almost anyone can lose weight, it's keeping it off. I want to talk to people who did that.
Something I can manage, if I want to eat a cup of noodles or a handful of chips I am not "bad" - see I even know a one ounce bag of chips is 160 calories. If I am keeping it to 1500 calories for the day I can do that.
I slept better last night but still had some issues. I am going to ask my doc if it might help to break my dose into 2 times a day. He said once he doesn't care how I take it as long as I take it. Right now I do four capsules at dinner. I can do 2 at breakfast and 2 at dinner if that will help.
I just hate running for the bathroom every 10 minutes. I was utterly raw yesterday and that is all I will say.
I woke up with a pretty bad headache but don't want to take headache pills. If I am toxic they will make me worse and worse symptoms and I am tired of running and flushing and all the drama. They will also keep me up and I plan to take a nap today.
I haven't been very hungry so that reminds me I will probably do intermittent fasting (IF), where I don't eat for some period of time, (say until 11 AM), then eat normally for some time (6-8 hours), then go back to not eating. It is safe and what I would consider "normal". I have done that. It was a little hard because I had to stock the vending machines with delicious treats while fasting but I could make that work along with the calorie thing.
Speaking of food Mama cat is putting the hard sell on me begging even though she has food right there on the floor. I got some nice pets out of Cleo, who seems to be getting more comfortable with me. Ron is helping with that - all he ever gives her is soft talk, petting, and treats. I do worry Cleo will get fat but she looks OK so far.
I think Mama cat is getting most of the treats meant for Cleo, to be honest. Spotty looks good too, he has a very long orange tabby tail in addition to his tabby and white markings, a very good looking boy. Ron can tell Spotty by his tail.
We were talking about Baby Girl and mats yesterday, she keeps getting them. When I took Baby Girl in for her yearly exam back in July, the vet just got some clippers and took it all off (quite a bit, actually). So we had a half bald Baby Girl but Ron didn't care, and he's her person.
I prefer to view it as the cat has people rather than a person has a cat. Torbie and Biscuit have me, I'm theirs. The other cats have use for me but are not bonded. Cleo, Mama, and Baby Girl have Ron. I am - between us - very glad for Cleo because Ron is extremely bonded to Baby Girl and will be an utter wreck when she dies. At least now we have two understudies (Mama and Cleo) who can swoop in. I think, like me, he will do better mourning her with another cat in his lap.
And Mama cat would love to move in. So would Cleo, she runs to Ron.
Youtube is playing 'High Hopes" which is my song for Cleo. It is very cute. I am glad I went to all the trouble.
At the end of the day I am very glad I went to all the trouble, for all of them (including Ron). What has Ron been up to? I believe he was up all night, when I woke with the headache at some awful hour he was in the kitchen drinking. I drank a Diet Dr Pepper and went back to bed for a while, didn't sleep well, got up at 7:30. By that time he had gotten himself into bed.
Nothing and I mean nothing worse than trying to get Ron into bed when I have a headache. The suckage level is unbelievable. So very glad he did that.
He was drunk but harmless. He went to sleep so I will be quiet, and return the respect he gave me last night. I guess we are working in shifts.
I am moderately depressed and screw it I am taking the headache pills. This headache will not die, I have to clean the boxes, etc. Took it.
The cats were still hungry so I gave them a can of Special Kitty Chicken & Tuna. They are gobbling, Cleo let me pet her again so I am very happy. She has decided I am OK most of the time. I can't blame her for being leery.
It must have been so humiliating having the accident at the vet. Cats are very proud. And she rightly blamed me for that.
One thing I really value: Ron and I have the same outlook about the cats, no extreme measures, no one will suffer. We are not going to be giving them narcotics every day - we will give them a peaceful passing because they deserve that.
Most of the cats would not abide pilling and it would be miserable for everyone. But, at least now, we have the "No one's going to suffer" perspective.
I don't tell people what to do and I don't judge. But my childhood cat was taken way beyond what he should have and I will never do that. It was bad enough they declawed him. And Ron and I have been in sync on that.
It has helped that, in most cases, there was nothing that could be done anyway. They might have been able to get a few more weeks out of Bubba but the procedure sounded ghastly. I wasn't going to do that and just said goodbye with a clear heart. Same with Frosty- he was already gone, I waited too long to take him to the vet (he had the same condition as Biscuit). BUT I learned from that and took Biscuit in the second I saw a problem - so Frosty did not die in vain.
If you have a male cat that is straining like it wants to pee, but can't, get the carrier and take him to the vet. He can be saved and have a great life but you have to do it the second you spot it.
Gravy was the hard case because he could have lived, but both Ron and I felt he would be in severe and ongoing pain and we didn't want that for him. I spoke to someone with an amputation and got some honest feedback I needed to make my decision.
I hope Ron does the right thing when Baby Girl gets sick, she is already over 7 years old. But you never know, I thought for sure when we had a problem it would be Torbie, who is still Queen Bee, no, it was the youngest cat in the house, Biscuit, who had the medical emergency.
I am so happy for Biscuit that it is treatable, that he loves his prescription food, and is doing so well. I don't mind having a cat with a condition although I will admit it gets a little tedious policing the food bowl.
We left the door propped to the garage so they can run out there (door to outside is closed), most of them are out there having a grand old time clawing up my gym mats (pretty funny). I think I will call Purple Heart and donate my bag of shoes, they are all in good condition but I want to make sure I rotate them so I don't injure my foot again. That was a miserable experience.
That's it for now, head is already feeling better.
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