Still horribly depressed.
No headache today, though, which brings up an issue. You may recall in the "goodbye letter" I got today one of my readers complained I don't work out anymore. Have you ever tried to work out with a migraine? It is impossible. Urinating is hell, much less picking up heavy weights in a hot garage. But I am just slack.
I may have worked out more, years ago, because I didn't have the headaches. I'm not going to go back and look but I bet money I wasn't complaining about a headache every day.
I took care of the cats, still need to do their boxes but no rush. Cleo let me have a nice long pet today, it was very nice. Even her tail! I like to run my hand down the cat and up the tail - and she let me. I was very pleased.
She has avoided me since (laugh) but that is a cat for you. She rubs against me more and is allowing more petting.
I am glad I let the vet tech talk me into bringing her into the house. I didn't take much persuading.
Ron has been in horrific pain all morning and has taken a lot of his herbal remedy and a pain pill. I got him some Gingko recently and have been giving that to him every morning. I hope it will help. It is likely to either work or not, very few side effects. One was blood thinning, which would be great as he is Mr Blood Clot. He may or may not want to work on the report today, we will see.
I told him about the bank, I felt that was pretty important about the credit card, and he said he doesn't want to deal with it today. I am not on the card so I can't do it, and it is really his job.
I am frustrated but I did not spend the whole morning screaming in agony, falling on the floor, etc. I did drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew today because caffeine can help with the depression, but it didn't let me take a nap, either.
On the one hand I would like to "do things" but lack of motivation from depression, also I don't want to get started and have Ron yelling for me. I will do the boxes and floor first, take a shower.
I had to put a blanket on the bed last night, I woke up cold. We are at that time of year when we can have a low electric bill because we don't need the heater or the AC. I just need to get the electric bill so I can pay it.
We got the sales tax form yesterday so that's ready. I am just tired,depressed, unmotivated, and watching Ron all that and in excruciating pain besides.
We're a lot of fun, today.
11 comments:
You are the one who just a few months ago was posting everyday about ALL your workouts. You even bought a bunch of kettle bells, floor mats, etc for the garage, or did you forget all of that? Now you are making it like you weren't working out everyday and then just suddenly stopped doing any of it.
Do you understand the concept of a mania? I am very disappointed I have apparently not conveyed that to you. Go look it up and come back and make another comment.
When I am manic, and I do not have headaches, I can do a lot. When I am depressed and riddled with migraines I cannot. This seems very obvious to me but maybe I need to say it.
Maybe I need to do an educational post about bipolar disorder. I thought certain things were understood but I will apparently have to lay them out.
When are you going to a doctor about the migraines?
Current plan is asking my psychiatrist next week while I am there for my tune up.
Failing that going when I can afford it, probably sometime next month to the doc in a box. Ron has proven quite willing to take me on paratransit which would save some money.
That's the plan. We still have to pay $ales tax and go to the conference.
So basically when you were wasting ALL that money buying weights and fixing up the garage we should have told you to cut it the hell out because you were a maniac? Next time I see you on a ridiculous spending spree I will remember and let you know to knock it off. I just hate seeing people waste money on exercise equipment because they are ALL gung ho and then not use it for months/years. And by the way never once when you were on your exercise kick did you tell anyone it was only because you were manic. You said you were doing it to get stronger to help Ron.
If someone says they are bipolar 1 and they are on an exercise kick - ANY sort of "kick" it is a GIVEN they are manic. You have learned something important today. It is at least 50% illness driven and may or may not last.
It is very sad, actually. I'm not in control, not how I'd like to be. Not like you likely are because you haven't been manic. I can steer a little but I don't have much control over the current.
One reason I would never date someone with bipolar.
Think about an average 17 year old. Would she connect with a 37 year old blind man with a rough employment record, a history of cheating, and binge drinking to blackouts? Unless she were ill? Who would let her?
Questions for the ages.
Let’s not forget all the cat toys and condos that weren’t a necessity for the cats. Endless money for that. Meanwhile there’s a cavity growing in her tooth.
I didn't buy that many toys, maybe $20 worth total. I spend more than that on soda.
Tired of the rapist comments so not publishing. Maybe I need to limit you to one "rapist" a day.
Why do I stay with Ron?
1. I made vows to God.
2. He has no one else.
3. We are better off together than apart (money and otherwise)
4. He has very good aspects, generous, supportive, intelligent.
5. He may yell at God a lot but he is talking.
6. Cats are better off with us together.
7. Work part time and make a living at it (stocking machines). Full time caregiver other than that but used to that.
That's just what I came up with off the top of my head.
Winning the lotto would probably destroy us as a couple.
You ever try to control a 17 year old? I mean, some of that was your "choice". I tried to prevent my 17 year old from all of her pitfalls. I wasn't successful.
I never said my parents had to control me (although my stepmother was told of several red flags and could have warned me). I asked if an average 17 year old would have made the choices I did and the answer, of course, is no.
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