Early Tuesday

Yesterday was brutal. 

I lost a good confidante, with my life I feel much more comfortable confiding in a man.  And we always kept it totally appropriate anyone could walk in any time.  He actually cared about the answer when he asked how the cats were doing. 

During a very bad spell with Ron he mentioned he had a vacant garage apartment, and encouraged me to "think of it" if I ever needed a place to go.  That meant a lot. 

That is gone now.  And it was on a bus line. 

I didn't sleep well last night, I had a dream his brother told me he had gone into witness protection.  I was so happy when I woke up. 

The really fun part about yesterday was Ron saying he was having trouble moving his legs.  I asked him if he wanted to go to the doctor and he said no.  He seems fine today.  But his doctor did say he may need emergency surgery one day. 

I have accepted that - I have to - but Ron MUST be at this conference.  If he is not he WILL lose the business.  So he's got to stay healthy until we're back.  When we're back he's got to file the report and then he can do "whatever" until the next report is due. 

So I didn't need that on top of the rest.  To quote "Semester in the Life of a Garbage Bag" it made me feel like the trash bag in the old commercials, twisted and pulled in all directions to see when it will rip.  That's pretty much exactly how I feel right now. 

I just wish I could hear one way or another BUT one thing I really hated after Ron's accident: everyone calling to ask how he was.  It got so bad I had to put messages on my voicemail, they could call and listen to the message, hang up.  Apparently I had all sorts of people calling. 

So I am not going to contact the family.  I will see his coworkers tomorrow who will know. 

I just feel like I can't process until I hear it.  I just hope I handle it OK when I do hear.