I feel weak and out of control I don't like either. Sitting home really sucks but I have a process. I could run around and push it down for a while but it would pop out eventually. I might as well miss him now.
Ron would NOT want me to get sick because I didn't let myself mourn. He wouldn't want me to grieve at all but that's impossible.
I had some good quality time with Torbie sitting with her in my lap, lots of petting, next to her on the couch later. I am sure she is lonely because she spent all her time lying in bed with Ron. I talked to the vet they said to get a Feliway diffuser if she continues to have trouble.
I talked to my aunt the crematory is picking up the body today.
I am just having a hard day today. I got rid of everything in the house that could even remotely get me in trouble, the kratom, Ron's alcohol, etc. But there is a real pull to abuse caffeine which I don't think is a good idea. I had enough trouble sleeping last night.
Which is why I am thinking of a night shift job. I don't think I'm going to sleep right for quite a while, and I don't have anyone to miss me. Why not benefit an employer? I will see what God has for me.
Dad is coming out in a couple weeks per my request.
One funny note the ha ha emoji and the "care" one look very similar on Facebook. I had made a very poignant comment about Ron and one of my friends, a lady I know VERY well, did the ha ha one in response. I am sure that was not intentional.
One guy on my friends list it took him to today to figure out Ron was dead even though I had been talking about it for days. Not sure what that says about him.
That's it for now.
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