Sunday morning

 The cats have been very attentive and affectionate.  Baby Girl cried at the door of Ron's room until I opened it again.  Last night I heard some bangs coming from the room which freaked me out a little but it was the cats.  

I know Ron is GONE and he is not coming back.  I got a little sleep, woke up, got on computer for an hour, went back to bed, actually slept.  I had a dream about Ron he was trying to hug me but I kept telling him he was dead.  I woke up to my faithful Biscuit next to me in bed.  

The water works started during my Bible study this morning.  It is pretty hard to read the Bible when you're sobbing.  I had a big hanky so I would wipe up, read, wipe again.  My eyes are going to be a mess.  I took a break and will go back to it but one notable devotional said "God is your husband".  Well I guess I won't have to give Him a bed bath.  

And this is so small but WHAT am I going to do with all this home care stuff?  I will keep the shower bench, one wheelchair, and the toilet chair (no one wants that used) but all the incontinence products?  The bed pads?  I will keep the washable bed pads.  I can just stick/leave all the home care stuff in Ron's room he isn't going to need it.  

The morgue investigator, a very nice and stylish young thing unlike the preconceived weirdos on the TV shows, said it would be 2 days on the autopsy and then they would call me to have him picked up.  I need to find a crematory in that time.  Mike, coming to visit today, said he knew of a cheap one so I will ask him when he comes. 

I'm not doing a funeral I already said Goodbye to him after EMS left.  I am really glad I had them stop I'm sure they would have given up sooner or later but that's not what he would have wanted, them pounding on him, putting drugs in him, shocking him. I heard the flatline that was enough for me, in addition to what I touched and saw.  

Remember I had to do CPR on him for 10 minutes before they came.  I am sure Ron bounced out of his body the second God called his name.  He was READY to go, as you saw in the video.  I don't feel bad for him at all; I feel sorry for my life being uprooted and missing him.  I am very clear on that.  Ron is far better off yesterday morning he was sobbing in pain.  Now he is pain free running hurdles or whatever.  

I will never feel bad about that.