Very early Tuesday

 I woke up several times last night.  Tonight sleep is even worse.  Biscuit was really happy to get fed at 3 AM.  I also did a load of clothes I figured I am up anyway.  That's the nice thing about a house I'm not going to wake anyone up running a load of clothes at 3 AM.  I sure hope I can keep the house.  

A lot going on this week closing the business; it was Ron's baby but I am the definite "mother".   So I am losing my "baby" in addition to losing Ron.  We haven't made much money the last year but it was MY job.  So that is hard I will miss it.  

My stepbrother sent me a gift card for Walmart (actually his wife did) and I got myself a cute fun/professional outfit that breaks into some separates I can wear with different other pieces.  Some groceries.  And I also got a plug in with a nice fragrance.  I am enjoying that I am just paranoid about odors since Ron died at home.  Not logical he was still pretty fresh when they took him and I had the front door propped open for some time until they did.  

There was some culture I read about used to open all the windows so the soul could fly out.  I guess that was me.  I read a biography of a chaplain in Maine when her husband died she went to the crematory and washed his body before they processed him.  I didn't want to see him after the autopsy something like that you can't unsee; but I did want to take him a blanket which wasn't very logical either.  I am very glad I have him back.  

My aunt made the whole death thing pretty easy for me to process, handling all the details.  I just show up.  I trust her to handle it all; she has been reliable in the past.  

And everyone in my circle feels terrible about what happened and has been very supportive.  My repairman, Luis, gave me a big hug yesterday and offered to be a reference.  He said he was sorry to see me go and I could tell he meant it.  Ron's boss has also been awesome she was stricken.  Not awesome it hit her so hard but she always liked Ron.  

It is odd.  I used to accidentally type his name as "Roin" and have to correct; now I have been typing it as a lower case.  "ron" I guess that is just  part of processing.  

I was happy I "fixed" the light in Ron's room (did it again!), my aunt and uncle had moved it to take out the carpet.  When I plugged it in again it didn't work.  Today I had the bright idea to try screwing in the lightbulb, which I found was pretty loose.  It works now!  Happy about that.  

I have just been really beat up this last month.  But things can only get better from here.  I'm just tired and will be glad when the business is put to bed.