Thursday

 I slept OK last night, woke up, strange dreams, but to be expected for a while.  I never heard anything from Ron's nephew.  I am just going to tell him to drop off the photos on the porch whenever.  

If I ever see them... but that is OK I held him close for 29 years they did not have that.  And I have some very nice photos.  Like this: 

1998!  

I got up, did my God Time.  Took a shower, all that, took my pills, shot my nasal medicine up my nose (unpleasant, but it works).  

My aunt came, we went to the post office and got my mail.  I had a very nice condolence card from the vet's office they all signed it.  Very sweet, I need to call them tomorrow.  

We went to the Walmart and I got some soda, and a lot of cat stuff, litter, cat food, etc.  I also got some Odoban to spray on Ron's carpet.  My aunt is quite eager to rip it all out, I'm with her on that, but it will be a lot of work and depressing, not up for it this weekend.  I paid for it with the gift card.  

I was almost out of candles and I like burning one lately.  I didn't find anything I liked at the Walmart.  So we went to the mall, they used to have a Yankee Candle but not anymore.  :(  They did have a bath and body works though.  We went there.  They had some really nice smelling rose body wash products I might get some later on.  I have plenty of body wash for now.  

I got a limoncello, a lilac (Ron had a lilac candle he burned in his extended stay hotel room when he was in the blind vendor training program), and something else let me look.  Lavender Cedar.  First luxury items I have bought for myself since Ron died.  I am OK spending the $20 that was money I earned from my work not donations.  

We ate lunch (Taco Bell) and came home.  My aunt hung out for a while and then left.  I took a nap and actually managed to fall asleep for a few hours.  Very sad sleep though.  Got up.  

Ron's manager in the blind vendor program called me and said I can stay until the end of the month, then they are giving the machines to the other vendor.  That is fair.  Now I can tell the customers.  I have time to say goodbye and do it right.  

So I will focus on getting through grief this weekend.  I listened to some blues.  https://youtu.be/u9sq3ME0JHQ, cried, etc.  Breakup songs have a new meaning now as Ron and I are irrevocably "broke up" and "they neither marry nor given in marriage (in Heaven)" per Jesus himself.  I will know him we will be companions but we will not be soulmates.  That's hard, and sad.  So I am focusing on getting through, feeling the feels, doing this right so I don't end up drinking my breakfast 5 years down the line.  

I might get my door fixed today, it is secure and locks/unlocks OK so no rush but I would like it done up for my guests they freak out when the knob comes off in their hand.  Understandable.  

The cats are good Torbie got up in my lap twice today.  That's it for now.