Monday

 I slept pretty well but woke up with a migraine.  The Excedrin and the essential oil roll on seem to be doing the trick.  I could never do essential oils around Ron he always shouted about the smell.  

I ran some errands, went to Walmart.  I talked to Ron's boss in the program and she told me to proceed as normal until they get things sorted out.  So I made a reservation to go to Sam's and stock tomorrow.  

I turned in Ron's badge, not my own.  So I can keep working for now.  Good.  

My aunt told me she found a pretty good cremation place which is good I want Ron back.  She also agreed to call my doctor, notify him, and give him her perspective how I am handing it.  Not abusing anything, taking medication as directed, etc.  I don't think he will be too worried.  

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  

My sales rep called from Dr Pepper.  I told her and she commiserated, then hung up.  A couple minutes later her boss called very concerned anything we can do, etc.  She said I can get my own contract with them if I want to continue in the vending business.  Interesting to know.  Then a while later another Dr Pepper employee called this one in tears.  Ron used to talk to her every time he had a repair and she was very distraught.  

It is sweet to see he was so well loved and so many are rallying.  I would love to have comments but I know not all of them would be positive and I can't handle that right now.  

2 Corinthians 5:6 So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. 7 For we walk by faith, not by sight

That is absolutely the case with Ron.  

It is hard for me, I feel that acutely.  But I don't feel bad for Ron he suffered so long.  I know he is in Heaven, I can't regret that.  

I feel sorry for myself alone and scared.  Absolutely.  I know God has me and I am hanging onto that but it is still frightening.  

That's it for now.