Friday, June 5, 2020

When did I teach myself not to cry?

I have sought out some good support groups lately as I feel it can only help.  The ones I have found have been good for me but I have noticed something. 
 
A lot of caregivers write about crying a lot.  That is totally understandable especially as I read further and find out just how much they have to do.  They make my job look easy (and in a lot of ways it is).  But you can't really compare caregiving, I think.  I have a bigger load than someone with an "easier" loved one, who is able to drive and a lot more money in the bank, but a lighter load than a woman who may have an autistic child, a stroke victim husband, and a dementia parent. 
 
But they write about crying and I'm like, when did I stop?  I'm not sure.  I remember crying a lot when we put Gravy down a few years ago but that's the last time I really let myself go.  I think that is sad. 
 
I just have it in my head that I am weak and emotionally unstable when I cry.  That it is a sign of my illness.  An embarrassing sign of weakness.  I can't seem to shake that thinking.  I wonder how hard I need to battle that.  After all, I don't want to be this weeper... but it can't be healthy to cork it up, either. 
 
Which is one reason I am in a couple of support groups now.  To help teach me to cope better.  That's a therapy I can manage right now. 
 
Now I don't want this to be "Oh, Ah, Poor Pitiful Me" post.  Lots of caregivers have it a lot worse.  I just need to adapt my coping techniques, and I admit that.  I should be crying on a regular basis now and then.  I think. 
 
Ron has been doing very well the last couple days, I will work on some physical therapy with him tomorrow and see how that goes.  He wants to be able to get in/out of wheelchair and off/on toilet OK.  We all want that! 

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