I went to bed around 8, planned to get up at 4. Planned. I made it very clear to Ron, I was going to sleep.
So much for that. 12:03 he wakes me up screaming for help. I got up and went to him, he was in the kitchen which means he had been drinking heavily. He was screaming at me to get him out of there.
And go to bed, I asked? Yes, he replied. On the way back to his room he said he hadn't liked it out there by those racks [in the garage]. I said he had been in the kitchen. He kept babbling about "those racks".
This is why I'm glad he can't walk. Imagine where he could wander if he could. [shudder] He would absolutely have to go into a home.
So I got him to his bed. I admit I was a little pissed he woke me up over "I'm so drunk I'm delusional". Like I said in an earlier post, this always comes with a lot of alcohol. We would have to dry him out completely to make sure he is "clear" of any defects outside of alcohol.
For now, I believe it is all alcohol linked. So we're at his bed. I don't want to leave him in his wheelchair for 4-6 hours because that will trash his back.
I proceed to get him into bed. He is too loose to do it "his" way (face the bed, put one knee up, get in that way). So I basically lifted him up into bed. He went ballistic shouting I had done it "backwards". Even though he was safely in bed. Started kicking at me. I planned to adjust him a little but he was combative. So I left him in bed and went back to mine.
He was also verbally abusive. And this is why he will never get a caregiver, not an honest one at any rate. He woke up, I told him about last night. Now he is acting like a victim "I don't know what happened, why did you tell me about this?" I told him there is a VERY easy fix, dial back what he is drinking. I knew he wouldn't listen if I told him to stop.
But it pisses me off, HE was abusive. HE woke me up. And HE is a victim? I don't know if that is narcissist thinking or just "of the bottle" but it is very angering.
I did get him to take his antibiotic and his motion sickness pills, as he will be riding a lot today. And he tells me "I" I can leave "whenever I want".
WHY DO I HAVE TO LEAVE? IT'S MY HOUSE, TOO. HE SHOULD LEAVE.
6 comments:
Seems to me you're not letting Ron experience his own consequences and that is enabling behavior.
Apparently you have to leave because he is the man and the man gets everything. What a prick he is. Make sure when he finally does go into a nursing home that you go and visit him every single day because he deserves that since he has always made sure to put your needs and safety and security ahead of his own.
tell him if he wants you out, to file for divorce and then the court can split the assets and it won't make a bit of difference whose name the house is in.
You are getting further bent over that barrel. Are you just going to sit there and let life happen to you?
I used to justify my husband’s behavior by blaming it on him being 3rd (that we know of) generation Aspergers, or that he was just a sociopath or whatever I could think of to blame all this night mare I was living on ..except realize my reality until now.
Life is truly about the time you are living it. If you are living in abuse you are living in abuse . He is an abuser you are abused regardless of the roots of the behavior it is the reality of your life. Damage daily unrelenting to both of you
When I left home he did not change but he did get really bad threatening all kinds of things and crying great big crocodile tears . “ I would do anything to get her back” words. Never would he actually “do” anything.
Yes there were reasons for his behavior but there are also reasons I deserve grace in this world
And so do you ..Heather YOU deserve some grace and he deserves a chance to pull his shit together with you doing what you need to and dropping his ass at an ER then walking away so he can detox and get his shit together and you can have some rest . Give him no more choices you are a valuable human being and so is he but you are in a toxic loop ..you know your mental health care limits your logic so take a break and get some rest .
Love you be strong and do what is right for both of you..this is NOT “right” for either one of you. You are both deteriorating .
He told me once he wouldn't marry me because "Women used it to beat men financially during the divorce". That a man should get everything no matter HOW THEY ACTED. And I still married him. So many red flags. So many. (I did not sign a prenup)
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