Normally Thursdays are a good day for me.
The weather was nice (hot, but sunny and no rain). I didn't have a headache for very long when I did get one, and that was only after work.
But Ron woke me up at 6 yelling in his wheelchair, just being loud, not needing help. I finally shut him up but I was awake by then and my alarm set to go off pretty soon. I took a shower (did not shave my legs, wore jeans!). I had to wake Ron up after I got dressed, we got him dressed OK but the driver laid on her horn, upsetting Ron.
I went to go tell her we were coming and came back in time to see Ron fall on the floor because I wasn't there to hold the wheelchair. He fell again trying to get up, went to his knees, bed, to wheelchair with me holding it.
"We" decided Ron would be better off riding in the back and the driver got a MASSIVE attitude. She took a very long time getting him secured which I later found suspicious. I had some cash in the backpack on the wheelchair, I counted it last night, and it was $80 short at the bank today. And the driver made a comment like "You have lots of money in the bank" when she dropped us off. HOW WOULD SHE KNOW? I know most people do not carry cash but it was ALL going to flood insurance so we don't lose the house - default on the mortgage if we don't have the insurance.
So I suspect she took the money out when she was taking such an unusual long time "fumbling around" in the back because I HAVE seen her secure the wheelchair very quickly at times. I know the cats didn't take it and Ron doesn't touch that bag. And I counted it twice.
If I had proof I would call in on her.
I have learned my lesson, on the rare occasions we do have cash I am taking the backpack off the wheelchair and holding it in my lap. It is more of a pain but we can't afford to make "donations" to greedy and entitled drivers who are already getting thousands a month from the company.
She is the ONLY one who had access.
Anyway, we went to the bank. She got the wheelchair out pretty quick (since she had the money) and we went into the bank. I had a small additional bundle of $1's and I counted that, we went up to the window. I discovered the shortage, which I had to make up out of my OWN money. You can insert a very pissed off expression there.
But she has to answer to God for that. Karma, if you believe in that, is going to bite her in the ass for that - robbing a blind man in a wheelchair on the way to pay his flood insurance. But we made the deposit.
I gave Ron the little extra we had in the backpack and I paid myself back later. We also made a credit card payment, which was due today.
We had a rather long wait at the bank, the paratransit system went down and it was chaos with the scheduling, on the radios, etc. We had half an hour until our next pickup. I walked over to the gas station, leaving Ron next to the security guard.
And, you guessed it, our ride to work arrived. I hurried back and we got Ron loaded, he sat in a regular seat this time and the driver QUICKLY secured the wheelchair. We went to work. I always gape at the damage when I see it.
We got into the building and I put Ron in the quiet area while I filled out the flood insurance paperwork and got the thing mailed. That was the whole purpose behind coming to work, anyway.
The bottled vendor could use some work, I thought, so I got out one of my carts and went to our fridge. We have 8 vending machines, two bill changers, and a commercial fridge. We keep everything locked of course. I went to the fridge and got 2 each water, Coke, and tea. We sell a peach iced tea that is very popular and an excellent price for us. We sell the waters for $1 and the other drinks for $1.25. A good deal for them and us.
I loaded it up and came back to our area, opened the machine, and began stocking. Normally this is "Ron's" job but he wanted to be quiet for a while and I of anyone could understand that. My mood was OK and I don't mind working if something is selling.
A guy came storming up to me "Are these cold?!" indicating the drinks I was stocking. I told him yes, they were, he left and I continued stocking. I only stock cold drinks. I don't know what the other vendor does but I don't think they have a dedicated fridge for drinks. I realized he was watching me. "Can I help you?"
He wanted to buy a drink, but not just any drink, C1 "Because you haven't got to it yet and it was already there". I explained again all the drinks were cold, we only ever sold cold drinks. He scoffed at me, paid for his drink, and left. I finished up, separated the recycles, and put the cart away.
The system was still down. We had actually seen a couple at the bench when we came in, they were waiting, it looked like an elderly woman and her son. They had been waiting for 2 hours but our ride came first, I felt a little bad about it but Ron and I had been waiting an hour at that point.
I believe Ron set up an "appointment time" pickup, get me home by a certain time. But most riders use a "pickup time" which is "Pick me up at 10". Many riders have gotten a very rude shock when the "pickup time" turned out to be a long trip to go a short distance, with many other pickups and drop offs. So paratransit is going to prioritize the appointment time over a pickup time, as the other people found out. We had a straight trip home.
The problem with an appointment time, they tend to pick you up about 2 hours before the appointment time so they "can" ride you around forever if they want, but generally it = straight trip. Except for Monday, that was a hideous long ride all over North Houston.
We got home, I fed the cats and took a nap. I woke up with a headache and found a strange black powder all over the floor. I realized Cleo (most likely) had gutted yet another cat toy and spread the contents (catnip and silvervine) all over the floor. I will clean it tomorrow, in the meantime
Ron is screaming at me now because "I am hurting" and I won't give him a bottle of vodka. He KNOWS better than that. He CANNOT get me to endorse his drinking. And that's what it would be, handing him a bottle of vodka: Here you go (your drinking is not a problem and I endorse it) THAT is what he is asking for and will NEVER get. When he calms down I will explain this to him.
He says "it is because of my mother". It has NOTHING to do with her and everything to do with him. He has beat me up, vomited, fallen, peed, worse, hurt himself, hurt me, fallen some more, embarrassed us both, scared the cats, etc. On two occasions we had to have the police involved. That is not something to be proud of. And it's HER fault? I have one memory of her drunk, one only. I have hundreds of him drunk, all of them bad. Why would I want to endorse that? Why would I EVER want him to think that behavior has my approval?
I don't care how bad he's hurting, there are a lot of things I have offered (acupuncture, etc) he has refused to try so I don't feel sorry for him. He doesn't manage his pain, he waits until it is acute and then washes down half a bottle of vodka with 3 pain pills. He won't take anything as a preventive even when it is offered. If I didn't know better I would think maybe he is setting it up this way so he "has" to have a blackout and I "can't" blame him "because pain".
He said I "wouldn't help". I offered to take him to the hospital. I said I would give him his herbal remedy (which I did about 10 minutes before all this, but he wanted a very low and to me ineffective dose), I said I would give him his prescription (and I have gotten it from one room or another for him), but I would not fetch him alcohol. Suddenly the 'scruciating pain wasn't so bad after all and he easily got the bottle from the garage.
Which feeds into my = mind game thinking. It just FEELS like a game to him. He would deny it of course but I think he is setting himself up to be a victim. I think he is so desperate to be validated he will put himself in this situation just to get me to give him a bottle of vodka and "approve".
"Yes, you need it for pain. It is of course perfectly acceptable to drink yourself stupid because pain bad. It is perfectly understandable even though you are reckless and take nothing on a schedule to prevent pain. How foolish of me to ever say alcohol made you a lesser man. You are of course "fine" as you have said the whole time and do not have a drinking problem, because pain bad of course."
That's what he wants. And I'll be damned if he gets it. I offered him a hospital. I offered him his herbal remedy. I offered to get his pain pills but I honestly think he has had enough on that front. Now he is going to do his whole Occupy: Kitchen thing and make it impossible for me to get a glass of water.
Ugh. I am so sick of this drama and even more so because I really feel he is setting himself up. He actually tried to say his alcohol was the same as my prescriptions. That he would take away my pills since I "kept" him from his alcohol. I didn't respond, let him think about that for a minute. Then he recanted.
I didn't state the obvious: he doesn't know where I keep my pills. I used to keep them next to my chair but he knocked them down a couple of times during a blackout, I don't know if it was intentional but I think not. I have them in two places, one has the prescription bottles in a box, and the other has the done up sorted and organized pills in the pills of the week organizer. But he can't get at either of them and I would NEVER tell him where they are; because he has proven he is the kind of guy who would absolutely f*ck with my pills to "make a point".
And that is REALLY pathetic, SAD and MISERABLE statement about who he is. If he ever did do that I would file charges. The pain pills should start kicking in pretty quick. Worst case I can make "dinner" out of a protein shake and my pills, neither is in the kitchen.
He has stopped yelling so much. He was yelling so much I didn't hear Biscuit eating the wrong food so now I have to worry about him as well.
And normally Thursdays are a good day for me.
Edit to add, Swanson Vitamins delivered my package early. I got 2 bars of soap, some vitamins, and Gingko for Ron which I will give him later. Right now the vitamins smell like soap, I don't mind but he will so I need to let them air out before gifting.
That was a nice surprise.
12 comments:
If you need to get in the kitchen why can’t you wheel him out of the way, get what you need and let him wheel himself back into his spot?
Excessive drinking causes back pain. The accident was absurdly terrible and he never deserved that, but does Ron know if he stopped drinking and tried to follow rehab exercises and ate there’s a chance he wouldn’t have pain? Have you told him that? Painkillers and tea and no booze may do wonders—probably why he’s better in hospitals when he’s dry with the pain.
He is asleep now and quiet, I don't want to wake him up and get all shouty again.
He is just enslaved to alcohol, nothing gets in his way, nothing. Think of it he actually had to find cab drivers and a liquor store and develop a whole system to get it delivered! I have never told him Walmart delivers beer and wine, he doesn't need to know that. And I'm not buying it and CERTAINLY not putting it on my debit card!
My Dad used to say 'He is going to have to hit rock bottom" that is probably going to be losing me/the house/the business. Or having a SERIOUS health scare.
I will mention some of you think the alcohol is affecting his back, see how he reacts. The pain pills did their job, it takes about an hour though. If he goes though anything like my migraines that would be a long hour.
I don't think sleeping in the chair is going to help his back but I will put the belt on him pretty soon. Then he can't fall. He takes it off when he sobers up and has said it is good for me to do that.
What kind of mattress does he have? You could get a nice memory foam delivered from amazon and it comes all compact in a box. And they are relatively cheap compared to regular mattresses, I paid $200 something for a twin size for my daughter. It could help his back since you said he spends most of his time in bed.
Praying for you two.
I will always take prayer.
I have a memory foam/spring combo mattress I got rolled up from Ikea back when Chuck had a working pickup. I was able to get it in and set it up myself.
Back then, I offered to buy Ron one (mine cost $250 for a queen). He said no. I will say he euphemistically has "spilled drinks in bed" so probably not a good idea to get a new mattress AND he refuses a mattress pad. I have been open to the idea of an old hospital bed because they have coated mattresses you wipe clean, but he said no to that too.
His current one is a "Princeton Plush" from Fingers Furniture. Springs and padding, very comfortable when I had it.
He is blind. He would have no idea that there was a mattress pad underneath the sheet. Why do you let this man get away with so many stupid things? His room is filthy because he wants it that way, he has bottles of urine all over his room because he wants it that way, he doesn't let you wash his bedding but maybe once a month (if that more than likely every 3 months), never bathes, just so many things that should be unacceptable. More than likely these things are the reason your dad did not want to come inside your house (not the cats). He didn't want to see the mess or smell it, because then he may have had to try and do something about it or help you.
Heather, it really is a very poor idea to share your banking information, and you do. It is no one else's business, even if you want to share...you are vulnerable, and you are making Ron very vulnerable. It is not a nice world out there, you know that by the details you share. It would be more appropriate to say a ride to place of business or shopping.
It’s funny how he refuses all these non-alcohol-involved ways of helping himself. Most people I know with back issues do everything you’ve tried getting him to do. I have had back pain most of my life and though I wasn’t hit by a truck, having a nice mattress or comfortable chair makes a world of difference
Re: Dad he really does hate cats so I am certain that is it.
Ron says "only" alcohol can help. The fact that he is still crying out in pain while falling down drunk in the wheelchair contradicts that. The herbal remedy helps when he lets me give it to him. I am sure acupuncture would do some good. Chiro said hell no after looking at the X-ray.
I don't see it as sharing bank information - that would be account number, pin number, etc. Even the bank name. I just say "we went to the bank" now and then. I wrote something nice about my bank years ago, naming the bank, and everyone freaked so I took it down.
I gave Ron a very nice cushion off my chair to "try" that day and he threw it in a corner after about an hour. He is very stubborn, WANTS his saggy old mattress, no cushion in the chair, etc. He is talking about getting a new chair, I am not sure why but it is only about $80.
He is in bed now after drinking and giving me the silent treatment. I will write more about that but basically he does some head game where he laughs and laughs at "something" I am supposed to ask what (I did as a very dumb young kid) and then he would use it to "cut" me verbally, so I stopped playing that game a long time ago. He still does, though, kept laughing harder and harder and trying to get me to engage and I ignored him. He finally gave up, made a big production out of treating the cats, and went back to bed. He was talking a lot while I was in the shower and I told him I couldn't hear him, he kept doing it. Maybe I was supposed to get out and discover the pearl he had to share? I don't know. He stopped eventually and got himself to bed.
When it comes to cleaning his room and sheets you need to stop letting him stop you. Just do it. Tell him it affects the cats and you (the smell triggers migraines). It’s a basic caregiver task. F him if he complains.
He is abusing you. Purposely. But next blog will be about how great he is and he never wakes you up at night and the only thing that will make you leave is if he messes with your sleep.
I did change out his sheets the other day when he was in the kitchen. I tend to go on stains/cat hair. He loves to eat in bed and I warn him that could bring bugs.
But as you saw in the other post I did stop him when he was screwing with my sleep. He had to know I would react strongly, I guess he expected I would lie in bed whimpering "stop... please stop... make it stop..."
I did not and decisively ended it. He didn't make a peep after that until he knew I was up the next day.
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