Early Wednesday

Well I feel a little cheated.  

First of all I slept pretty well except for a moderate headache on waking.  I am down a little more to 192 even.  That is great.  No complaints.  I had 2 cats in my bed which is even better.  

I leave my phone on and plugged in overnight now and then so it can back up.  I had a notification from my work app, Me@Walmart.  So I opened it and it logged me out of the system!  I had to log back in, NOT my favorite!  So I did that and it said it had new features, like, a manager can screen out everyone who called "out" sick for the day.  Important to some but not for what I do, I am not a manager and I do not want to be one.  They work 12 hour days, that would be impossible for me on the bus.  So I felt like I had to work on my day off.  BUT the app is the one let me know I have my time off in a couple of weeks so there's that. 

I just adjusted my volume.  Ron called it the "asshole" level and was very careful (at least until the dementia) at keeping the volume at a level that would not bother the neighbors.  He actually went outside (when he could walk) and paced around the house and yard making sure you could not hear his music at various volumes and set it at a good level for him that would not bother the neighbors.  

I was a little bad about it after he died, I had it up around volume 16 you could hear it standing outside my house but not, probably, in your house.  Now I keep it between 6-10.  The "asshole" level being the volume level at which your neighbor is bothered.  I have a nurse next door and across the street they can work odd hours so I don't want to cut into sleep time (more worried about bothering next door).  Across the street does some sort of exercise class early in the morning with loud music (but I cannot hear it in my house so not at "asshole" level) and excited encouraging "Go go!" type moves so I wouldn't worry about bothering her in the morning.  But next door has her car home so I wouldn't want to keep her up if she just got off at 6.  Oh I would feel horrible about that.  She is very nice and has never once complained about music, cats, anything.  The HOA is the one that got on me about the fence on her side.  

I was listening to Step Rideau just now.  I like "Going to Louisiana" it is a good travel song and I played it in the car when we did, in fact, go to Louisiana.  It is Zydeco, accordion plus other instruments, a lot of people go dancing to it (I don't know how to dance to Zydeco).  

Anyway let me see if I can pull it up for you: 

It will give you an idea.  

I am happy I slept in today.  Some depression swirling around but I took my antidepressant first then after I fed the cats (I have priorities).  I am really happy they like their food so much.  

My hands are shaking some but not too bad.  I can still type.  When I was diagnosed there was a gap between the diagnosis and getting medication because the ER doc did not want to prescribe for bipolar for some reason.  I tried to get in with the county clinic but they lost my records so my aunt found me my current doc on her own (had a friend who saw him and liked him).  He got me hooked up with medication a couple months later.  But in the meantime I have found I have this terrible disease that kills 24% of the people who have it, that is a worse mortality than breast cancer, but no one cares if a crazy  person kills themselves...I read up on the illness (Bipolar survival guide most helpful) and medication and read I could have weight gain, for instance.  When I was first diagnosed with depression back in the late 80's my stepmother warned me medication could help but much of what was available caused extreme weight gain.  I said I was OK with that as long as it helped, meant it, and still mean it 35 years later.  That is why I am OK setting goal at 170 and feel I can reach that reasonably.  

I also read about hand tremors (pretty much all 4 of my medications contribute) and I was OK with that as long as I could still type and knit.  I don't knit anymore but I can, albeit slowly.  I can blog.  I can log into the work app.  I can work.  So I am OK on that.  Weight gain?  Well I don't think the pills help but I think the can of "emotional support frosting" had a lot more to do with that than the lithium!  I would sit there with a spoon on the couch watching TV eating it out of the jar.  That's going to do some damage.  And, like, one tablespoon of the stuff has like 8 fat grans and 100 calories... not an ally in the weight loss game.  

So I am OK with side effects.  I had a battle with nausea for a very long time but have figured out I am OK if I take my meds with my big meal of the day I am OK.  I need protein and fat, I am OK doing that.  I can get away with a protein shake for some reason but I am phasing those out.  I am trying to eat more real food.  

Yesterday I had 3 cups of greens cooked down in a bowl with some bacon drippings on top.  It was very good.  I am not one to go "Oh, yum, cooked greens" but I do like them steamed in the microwave and dressed with some fat and a whisper of salt.  I ate them first and they were good.  That is 3 servings right there, and I also had a nice amount of sliced cucumber with my lunch.  I found a giant cucumber at work the other night so I bought it, it was only 50 cents.  I should get a lot of eating out of it.  I think the secret is eating stuff I enjoy eating, and I do like some vegetables.  

That's it for now.