Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Tuesday afternoon

I slept OK but am really, really, tired.  I stripped the sheets off the bed so I can wash them and have them soaking right now.  I had room in the washer so I threw in all my microfiber tshirts as well.  Then I need to do a load of clothes and that is it for the day.  

I need to take a shower and working up my energy for that.  The cats are good so that's happy news.  They were pretty eager to eat this morning when I got up.   

I got  shower done and even shaved my legs.  I stripped the bed and washed the sheets.  I'm not doing much else.  I got a very decent nap, too.  I need to take out the trash and recycle, I also need to figure out dinner.  The AC is running a lot for my house so it must be hot out, but it's almost 5 PM so it shouldn't be bad for long.  

I took the trash and watered the plants.  Not the ideal situation but water at 5 PM is better than no water.  The catnip looked the worst.  Biscuit is in his favorite position, on his back with just one back leg up in the air.  I call it "the chicken leg".  He's been spending a lot of time lounging around on the tile floors.  I don't find them cold in the winter but they are nice in the summer.  

Tomorrow I could stand to sweep we will see.  

I am just trying to be lazy hopefully I will succeed.  And there's Biscuit in my lap.  I'm going to go feed him dinner.  

Monday, May 30, 2022

Monday Evening

 Well my hard work paid off.  

I almost fell asleep on the way to work today but I got there, bought my giant 2 pound block of extra sharp cheddar (and more baggies for candy).  From what I can tell I have done about 600-700 bags of candy since Ron died.  I also bought a 6 pack of Diet Dew because I was cheap.  I didn't want to pay $4 for 2 twenty ounce bottles when I could buy six 16.9 ounce bottles for $3.84.  I drank one before work and one after (so I would stay awake for the ride home).  I did have to haul it home which wasn't much fun.  I gave serious thought to drinking a couple bottles at the transit center but I want to sleep tonight.  

So I clocked in.  One of my coworkers said "She's going to keep you busy today" and she did.  But I did everything asked of me, then some, and got a rare compliment.  And she approved my time off request for the 15th when my aunt comes to town, so my hard work paid off.  I don't get paid for it and lose a couple hours but when you factor in having a pay for a ride home it is only about $40.  And I make 28 hours that week anyway so not bad.  I do OK at 24 so 28 is great.  

So I killed that 😂, ha, all things in Christ who gives me strength...but I got out of there.  3 homeless guys at the bus stop but at least one was gallant and moved for me.  My feet were tired so I was ready to sit!  Bus stopped.  All drivers but one took the candy today.  I wished them all luck on their new routes which start next week.  I will not see today's drivers again.  But I feel like I served them well.  

Really glad I don't have to call in on the 15th.  

I stayed awake for the ride home.  Long walk home but I did it.  Cats were happy to see me.  I ate a one ounce bag of chips and took a nap, slept OK but I could feel the caffeine.  #6 seems quiet for now.  He is probably thinking how he has to get up at 5 am tomorrow (he is in construction).  Jack asked me if I worked today so not sure what that means... we will see.  

I plan to have a lunchable for dinner.  I would rather try it out when I have tomorrow off if it doesn't agree for some reason.  I also made some "definitely" decaf tea to drink later.  Water is fine for now.  I have a headache from all the soda (2 bottles and one can) but I will be OK.  

Tomorrow I am taking as a sabbath 'Do no work" straight from the Bible.  Exodus 20:10.  That is good enough for me.  I am massively sleep deprived and a little wrung out.  I need to vegetate in front of my TV and watch fireman TV shows tomorrow.  I will take a shower and do some laundry but that's it.  

The house is pretty pleasant for me at 85.  I don't know a single person other than Ron who would be OK with that.  But it should save me a lot of money.  If I really am getting more hours I don't want to waste the money if I can avoid it and still be comfortable.  And I am good.  I sleep fine that is all I would worry about, if it were too hot to sleep.  I bet I would do great camping.  

The deposit went through from my fairy Godmother so checking balance looks pretty awesome.  For me at least.  The cats are good, they were begging a lot when I got home so I gave them half their dinner early and will give them the other half when I go to bed.  

That's it for now.  

Some more thoughts

 I heard an sermon yesterday where the pastor was talking about how body and soul are mixed and often fatigue (!) can cause spiritual problems.  

I have been doing pretty well on the anxiety of late.  But this morning we had a power outage.  Got it back pretty quick but I have been freaking out wondering if the traffic light is out.  Nothing I can do about it, of course.  I will just have to see; either God has His hand on it or not.  

If not I will figure something out with His help.  Worst case I may need to take a ride to work (the street is that bad to cross).  But I know the fatigue is driving all the anxiety.  I thought I was doing pretty well until that.  

But I will figure it out one way or another, with God's help.  Biscuit helped, too.  He got up on me after I had gotten dressed and shed white cat hair all over my shirt.  I had to go after it with a lint roller.  I am presentable now.  

And I had already fed him so that wasn't it.  He is just stubborn like that sometimes.  I was petting him remembering I could fit him on my shoulder the day I met him, he climbed me like a tree and sat on my shoulder as I waited on the bus.  He is just as cute now.  I am really pleased he has done so well I was pretty worried when he got his diagnosis.  But he's done well.  And I never, ever, give him fish which I am convinced will block an FLUTD cat quicker than anything.  

That's it for now.  

OK, now i'm annoyed

I had to get up at 3 again, so I went to bed around 7.  About 7:30 PM #6 starts up with the loud music again.  ANOTHER party, this one a birthday, complete with singing and mariachi band, I had a damned tuba outside my bedroom wall 😂😂.  And it wasn't a very good mariachi band they kept hitting flat notes.  More loud music and festivity until well after midnight.  And I had to get up at 3.  I was not happy.  

When Ron was alive he would get very, very, agitated at things like that and I would have to call the police repeatedly, and even then I would only get a little relief before he (#6) would get drunk and turn it up again.  So I knew it was pointless to call the police, plus we are in a new precinct and they don't have time for stuff like that (lived in this district before and they would never come out for a noise complaint).  

I am happy he has a thriving family and lots of nice friends.  NOT happy he is keeping me up.  But I was going to be the loser in this as it's just "too bad" I have to get up that early for my retail job when all the "normals" have the weekend off.  Ron and I used to have this problem with him on Friday nights, he would want to party and we had to get up at 6 AM on Saturday.  So while I am Not Happy I am not pissed either.  Just resigned.  #6 could be a LOT worse and I try to focus on that.  But I am glad he couldn't keep my husband up any more.  

If I remarried I would want to stay in my house and I am sure the next guy would not be pleased at this, either.  Probably go next door and have conflict, so I am glad I am avoiding that.  Some things are just not worth the battle and, overall, #6 has not made that much noise.  He was completely quiet for a year after Ron died, I doubt he was thinking of that but it worked out that way for me.  And even at his worst I think he has only been loud about 2 weeks out of the year, total.  

It is interesting I was thinking did I ever have a "party" and the only one I could come up with was the day Ron died, when we had the fire truck, ambulance, police car, and morgue investigator all over at the same time.  And then my aunt showed up after the fire truck left.  So only one day and they did not make noise, even if they had it was 2 PM on a Saturday so everyone was up anyway.  All the other times (not many) I had one person over at a time, and I wasn't loud.  Mostly it is Jack and my cab driver buddy taking me to/from somewhere and they are very quiet.  About the worst you can say I slam the truck door closed at about 10:30 PM 2 nights a week.  

So enough virtue signalling, I think I am a good neighbor and would have really appreciated a good night's sleep last night.  I am happy everyone is healthy and happy next door.  The older kids are late teens, early 20's so I expect the grand kids will arrive shortly.  So it's an endless loop.  With the improvements he has made (#6) I expect he is in for the long haul like me.  

So onto work: I asked for the 15th off and they scheduled me to work.  Not happy about that.  Dad would like me to visit later this year and this has me wondering if I can.  I am about at the point where I am up to flying halfway across the country to go see them.  He has been very eager to have me out.  He lives in a nice planned community and really likes it there.  So I will have to see how that works out, I can apparently ask for the day off 3 months in advance.  

And that's all I want to talk about work right now.  The cats are good, did not sleep with me, likely due to the fact I was restless due to the ruckus next door.  But they all showed up for breakfast.  

My hair looks OK so I don't think I need a shower today.  I only work 4 hours today so that's good.  This week I have Tue-Wed off and next week I have Mon-Wed off so I will really enjoy that.  I do plan to sleep in tomorrow if at all possible because it's unusual for me to be sleep deprived 2 nights in a row.  I just hope I am functional and do not fall asleep on the bus.  3 hours of sleep, 2 nights in a row, is pretty rough.  I may need a Mountain Dew before my ride home.  I don't want to fall asleep on the bus.  that happened to Ron one time and he ended up at the end of the line, he was an extra hour late getting home.  

I have a lot more hours coming up soon so it will be interesting to see how the transportation balances out with that.  I think I can take the bus "to" work most days but will need a ride "from" work most nights.  I am not sure what is happening to the other people who normally work this shift, are they off or just getting fewer hours?  I will have to ask the one lady today if I remember.  

I am not sure if I am going to get anything after work as I am pretty tired already.  I might see what they have in the way of tampons, those have been pretty hit or miss, and I am due around the end of the week?  Or later?  Only God knows these days.  I will be ready at any rate.  

I have a lot of food in the freezer so not worried about that.  Female supplies look good I may see what they have anyway.  I'll use it up, that's for sure.  I also need to think about laundry detergent.  I have one canister of the unscented Tide PODS and a few of the highly scented Febreeze with Gain ones I use for my thrift store finds and dirty t-shirts.  I worry about odors in the fabric as I am wearing the performance ones now.  I may get some more of the Gain ones.  

More hours will equal more pay so I will have to evaluate what I have at home, what I need, and get that.  I don't think I need too much, though.  I would like to avoid grocery shopping this week if I can avoid it so I will try to make that happen by getting what I can after work today; it will have to fit in my bag and ride the bus home, though.  

That's it for now, I may do another post before I leave the house.  

Sunday, May 29, 2022

Sunday night

 Work was uneventful.  I don't have the tools I need to do my job well...have discussed it with supervisors but nothing.  So I do what I can.  

Came home.  Homeless guy at the bus stop actually walking around in the street with traffic whizzing by.  I think he was hoping to get hit so he could sue.  The cars just kept going.  Then he stood behind me with his begging sign but I was wearing my uniform so clearly not affiliated.  I got up at 3 AM and rode the bus 2 hours each way so I could make $48 (four hour shift).  And I didn't get much sleep, either.  

Ride home uneventful.  I am handing out New Testaments to the drivers and they are pretty popular.  I am trying to get all my regular drivers as they go away next week.  I will be taking a cab both ways next week so I won't see them again.  So I will have all new drivers in a week.  Should be interesting.  

Dad had a COVID exposure I told Mom to give him extra Vitamin D.  Dad sounds fine though, and has good insurance if he does get sick.  He is slightly overweight but nowhere near obese.  

The cats are good.  I got a nap when I got home and #6 just had to blast his radio again at the end of it.  Sometimes it is very hard to like him.  I have to go to bed so that's all.  

Should have another post in the morning if the computer works.  

I'm not mad...

#6 has, appropriately enough, 6 kids.  Oldest is out on his own.  Second oldest graduated yesterday which meant a party.  Which meant loud bass lines coming through my wall in the bedroom all night.  I moved into Ron's room and slept there, I did OK.  I could still hear the music but it wasn't as loud.  But I got about 3 hours of sleep.  

Even the cats seem tired.  I am up and have a decent amount of energy.  Hopefully I will not fall asleep on my way to work this morning, or the way home.  I could end up downtown.  I am not going to think about work right now.  I will just go in and do my job.  

I already did up the candy and did my God Time.  I am really glad I lightened up my bag it is much easier to carry now.  I wish I could go back to bed.  Hopefully I will sleep OK tonight.  

#6 isn't evil, he's just thoughtless.  He stopped around 11 PM which would have been fine for most neighbors but I had to get up at 3.  He doesn't know that because I am quiet, and I work 2 nights a week.  If anything he probably assumed I was at work.  But I'm tired.  

But today is my Thursday, if I can get through today and tomorrow I have 2 nights off.  My schedule is doing weird things coming up, I need to figure out how I can afford the rides.  I don't have a problem taking the bus to get to work at 11 AM but not so keen about taking the same bus home at 8 PM.  A lot of freaks come out on the bus at night as I saw last year.  It really goes to electric bill and how much that is, if it is reasonable I can do it.  So let's pray for a cheap electric bill.  I am really not running the air much at all so I don't think it will be bad but we will see.  I am not going to stress about it.  I will get paid for the extra hours so I can pay myself back.  

Maybe I need to move my cheat sheet I use to work out my budget, I have it right next to the computer right now.  At any rate I plan to be thrifty.  

And I need to figure out what I'm doing on my day off.  Right now I plan to just sleep late on Tuesday if possible.  I think I am OK on groceries if I get some lunch meat, I might go to the dollar store (not for lunch meat) because I can use some cleaning supplies.  I made fried eggs and used a lot of grease, it made an awful mess all over the stove top.  I need to get that off some how.  I will likely make some lentils on Wednesday so I have dinner Thursday-Sunday.  It is a very filling meal for a lunch at work.  Not too expensive either although I might bring a sandwich just in case I don't want lentils.  I am a little sick of chorizo and lentils the last batch was way too hot for my taste.  

When it comes to international cuisine I am more Salvadoran (no peppers) than Mexican (lots of peppers).  Too bad there is not a pupusa truck in our parking lot that would be awesome.  I have some link sausage I might use in my lentils.  

Yeah I am going to get rid of the budget by my computer.  It just provokes anxiety.  I don't want bill averaging on the electric bill because I have heard they always charge too much and that's not fair.   

Anyway not going to stress about my bills at 5 AM on a work day.  I am working that is the important thing.  I need to get dressed.  

That's done.  Biscuit laid on the floor and waved a back leg at me.  I call them chicken legs because they look like chicken leg quarters.  I told him I would think about him like that while I was at work.  And I will.  I am a little warm having dressed but I am sure it is cooler outside.  

I just hope today is a good day; I know a lot of it is how I approach it but some annoying issues at work I wish would get resolved.  Anyway I had better get ready to go so that's it for now.  

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Saturday

 Yay it looked like I couldn't post for a while.  Glad I got that fixed, if I don't post for a few days odds are my computer went out on me.  

Work was OK, busy but alright.  No homeless guy at the bus stop today.  OK ride home it is the last time I will ride with either of those men.  I gave them each a New Testament in with the candy.  

Tomorrow I ride the bus both ways which means I spend as much time on the bus as I will working.  Crazy.  I took a brief nap when I got home, I need to go to bed early but Mom and Dad are delayed on the phone call. I think I'll go bag some more candy.  

Friday, May 27, 2022

Friday morning

Work went OK last night, I ended up getting there earlier.  I catch 3 buses to work.  The first bus is on time but the second bus runs behind schedule and picks me up "early" which gets me to the transit center early for my third bus, which gets me to work WAY early even for me.  I did some shopping.  Things have gone way up and my discount only works on certain items.  That put a dent in my budget but I needed candy to hand out, snack crackers for work lunches, etc.  The big expense was the fake peanut butter at $4.50.  But that will last a while especially with the fake Triscuits I bought.  

So I need to figure out that budget, I have $76 to last me 2 weeks, can definitely do it.  I don't need many groceries but I think I will get a bag of cat food if they have it today.  I will need to take some money out of my tax return to pay for my rides next weekend (work 2 long days to 7 PM and getting a ride each way).  I am fine spending money on that and I know my cab driver buddy will be happy to help.  If I feel motivated I can pay it back out of my bigger paycheck on the 22nd.  

I don't know what my electricity will be; that's my biggest problem, so I can't really budget for it.  I have $200 in the budget which is way too much.  I haven't been running it much so hoping it's around $80?  That will make things easier on the 8th because I have the internet coming out of that check.  Just stuff like that.  NOT in a spirit of fear just trying to be a good steward.  God takes care of me.  I don't want one of those averaging plans as I don't trust the company.  

My aunt's friend paid for the fence repair.  So that is $500 back in my checking I just need to be smart with it.  I do need to get a blood test I think I will just leave it at a basic lithium level for now and then go get something more detailed if Doc requests it.  I am pretty sure I will take a cab each way as it is hard to get there on the bus.  My mood has been OK so I think my levels are fine.  

I will need to get Doc's fax number for that, though.  

I slept OK last night which was good, I went to bed a little late.  I will find out tomorrow if I got the days off for my aunt's visit.  Well, day.  She is in town for other business but is working me in on the 15th.  I have to go to the eyeglass place and get my new ones tuned up (issues).  I would like to go to the thrift store but don't really need anything.  Maybe some cute denim shorts (not crawling up my butt or skin tight, or ripped) if I can find them, even though I do have 1 good pair for that.  I will "cross that bridge as I come to it" (Dad).  I do need her help trimming my tree as the HOA is upset about low hanging branches (rolleyes).  They want a little lollipop in the yard.  

I had a protein shake this morning, I will also have some oatmeal.  I am hoping to really fill up before work so I am not starving when I get there.  I would like to only buy cat food.  Yesterday I was bad, I got donuts and a soda.  That is not going to help me lose weight.  

I have 3 days off coming up the week of the 8th.  I am thinking I might use those days to go lower carb.  I don't want to do a strict low carb but something lower would help.  I just mainly need to work on my eating and get better options so I am not reaching for the junk food.  

Last night I had to do more active shooter training "Avoid, deny, defend".  I don't know if it was planned before the school shooting or they rolled it out afterward.  They also had additional training in how to spot someone about to go off.  It is very sad.  I did the training so corporate can stop yelling at my bosses.  I was on a list apparently.  

There is a guy at work has very strong opinions he kept going on about how terrible this was, I agree but there is nothing you and I can do sitting in our chairs in the breakroom.  Can't bring up my faith because it's not considered "inclusive".  Romans one for example.  I just let him wind down.  

Had a good ride home, Jack said the tumors are shrinking in his wife, which is really good news.  She has not been doing the chemo very long either.  Hopefully they can do the immunotherapy which teaches the body to attack the tumors.  That would be really cool.  I like her a lot and want Jack happy so I am rooting for them.  

The cats are good, they are adorable as always.  Cleo was very excited when I was making my oatmeal and I got some real meows out of her.  I kept telling her it wasn't anything she'd like.  She wandered off.  

That's it for now, may come back and post again.  Back for a minute.  During our petting time, Spotty was rolling around on the bed and fell off.  He is fine.  He bit me when he got back up because I rubbed his stomach.  

Yesterday I brushed my teeth after I had put my shirt on, and I got toothpaste on it.  So today I brushed my teeth right out of the shower.  Not so motivated to go to work today.  We will see, though, it may not be too bad.  I do need the $72 though.  

We have a new girl in my department she is very nice.  The last girl was getting into fights, talking on the phone her whole shift, borrowing money from other associates and not paying it back.  So not going to miss her.  There is another one liable on the way out, she is very insolent and the bosses are getting fed up.  They can work things to keep someone or they can push you out.  You need to be on the right side of that.  One reason about the only thing I say is "Yes, ma'am" when they talk to me.  

After tonight I just have 3 short days.  I will get a ride in to work tomorrow morning (and home tonight) then the bus all the rest of the way.  I have about $52 on my bus card I may put a little more.  I also need to do up candy for the drivers.  

That's it for now.  

Thursday, May 26, 2022

A quick post before work

So maybe I am an anachronism.  I talk on the phone by holding it to my ear.  Which, during long calls, can open strange sub menus on my phone and such.  Yesterday I "ear" dialed Carlos the drywall guy, who excitedly called me back twice thinking I had a job for him.  😂😂  That was funny but it could be a problem one day.  So I am considering maybe getting a Blue tooth earpiece?  But I am CLUELESS on that.  Ron had one he used for a while but then got tired of.  He was like a little kid the last 8 years or so, he would want, he would buy, he would throw it in a drawer.  I guess I would need to find one compatible with my phone as well.  I don't know.  

I may go to the cell phone store and talk to them.  They are very nice.  I am sure I can figure it out.  I just get tired of the drama of these menus opening and muting Mom and Dad or whatever.  

So I am thinking about starting a small patch of greens in my side yard.  It would be good to have for nutrition and shouldn't be too hard to maintain.  There would be some tree roots but the stuff I plan to plant has pretty tenacious root systems of their own.  

I just feel unprepared for today.  I need to set up my vest.  I need to set up my lunch.  I need to take a shower.  But I will get it done.  

I plan to get a few things before work like crackers, if they have the cheese on whole grain ones.  I can eat those, they are  pretty good, a nice snack on a break at work, pretty filling, not expensive, and not something anyone is liable to take out of my bag.  The other day I bought some oatmeal so I had some for breakfast, 2 pouches of the maple flavor.  I am hoping it sticks around for a while.  I did take my multivitamin with it, it can cause stomach upset on an empty stomach so that's good.  

I am trying to establish a meal routine that works; I eat A, B, C every day I work Thursday and Friday, E, F, G Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  The oatmeal has been readily available so I am not worried about that.  And I cooked up another batch of lentils for dinner tonight and tomorrow night.  They stick around for a while which is great.  I like something filling and not too expensive.  And the fiber is very nutritious.  Good amount of protein and such.  Apparently the baking soda soak is 'bad" for some vitamins but I take a multi vitamin anyway so not overly worried.  I top them with shredded cheese (love me some shred cheese!) so it's a complete protein as well.  

In a few weeks I have to work a longer shift Saturday and Sunday.  I will be utilizing rides for that as working 9 hours + spending 4 hours on the bus plus lead time at work of an hour or so before I start just doesn't sound fun.  I would rather spend some of the extra money I am making on the rides.  They don't do this very often but I think they may end up giving me more hours as the other girl is not in good health.  Right now she just calls in a lot but they may be taking away the PTO thing.  

We have protected time off, generally used when you take time off you want to get paid for the hours you are not working (what I plan to do when I see Dad later this year).  But you can also use it to cover an absence if you call in.  If you call in you get 1-2 "points" on your record and you can only get 5 in a six month period.  But the PTO wipes that out, so people will call in and use PTO to cover, like the other girl has been doing.  But according to my team lead, Walmart is getting sick of this and may be getting rid of it.  If that is the case I don't know what she will do.  

Happily I have been able to work every day but one, when I had a very bad migraine.  I had a bad headache when I woke up but the Excedrin and a cold drink helped that.  

I am going to take my shower.   Did that, have a little time before I have to get dressed and get my lunch together.  The cats are good; Spotty hung out with me during my God Time.  He is really cute, purring and rubbing up against me as I read my Bible and devotionals.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Watch me rant about dogs in shopping carts.

It is funny, sometimes, to see my limits.  For instance a female relative.  I was OK with her living with her boyfriend and having a child out of wedlock.  Going off her meds and then becoming a stripper?  No.  

Same with a woman I just unfollowed.  She is a grandma, I get it.  The little girl is about 6.  Some relative gave the little girl a puppy that is not housetrained.  Grandma just posted a picture of the little girl and the puppy in a Walmart shopping cart.  Revolting.  

As a Walmart employee I have seen, and had to clean up, people's pet waste because they lied and said their animal was a trained service dog.  It was not, it eliminates in the store, they laugh and walk away and the employees have to clean it up.  So I don't think it's funny/cute to take an untrained puppy into a Walmart and ride it around in a shopping cart that could very well hold a HUMAN child, next, maybe one with immune problems.  Not to mention the wage slave employee has to clean up YOUR mess.  You want that nonsense in your house/car that is one thing but keep it out of my store.  So she is gone.  Something about her was putting up my hackles anyway.  It is against the rules they have huge signs saying NO PETS and, at my store, NO DOGS IN SHOPPING CARTS.  

She claims to be a Christian.  Romans 13 says you obey man's laws unless and until they interfere with God's laws (for instance wanting me to kill a person).  A Christian doesn't get to cherry pick which rules they obey or not.  And no, a dog in a shopping cart is not a big deal for most people but for the person gagging as they clean up the pet waste it is a pretty big deal!  

I had a pretty decent nap but I did wake up with a headache.  I bought a packet of aspartame drink mix and had a few packets this morning so I think that is the definitive link.  I had some Gatorade which helped and I brewed some FOR SURE DECAF tea which I will ice and drink later.  

And there's Biscuit!  It's funny, I was going to say I would never, ever, make someone clean up my cats' waste but then I remember the times I boarded him at the vet and they had to clean his poop and urine for probably 2 weeks total.  I did pay them a lot of money for that.  He just got up next to me, purring.  He is so damned cute.  His face looks a little leaner but his body is still full chonk.  And there's Spotty still plenty of love around here even with the brown girls gone.  

So I'm glad I got my nap.  I have the lentils soaked and shouldn't take very long to cook.  Then the sausage.  The chicken is done.  That should hold me for a few days.  

One thing I've been having trouble with are the breakfasts and lunches.  I don't want a full lunch but I want something akin to a donut or two, which I do get on occasion.  I need to finish drying some clothes and figure out what I am doing with the white jeans.  They have a very small mark on the back pocket at the seam.  Do I air dry them and then give it another attempt next week with a different stain treater?  Or do I just write them off and use them for chores like the painters do with their white jeans?  I don't know yet.  I will consult some women in my life (family) and see what they think.  I only spent about $7 on them so not overly worried.  I was manic that day normally I would never buy white pants.  

Boy does that explain a lot in my life "I was manic".  Of course for me a mania is pretty low key these days you really have to know me to spot it, or you come look here and you see 6 posts in one day.  That reminds me, need to do up my pills.   That took a while, and was confusing.  

I have 4 prescriptions.  Two mood stabilizers and an antidepressant, and something else I take for other symptoms.  That drug, the last one, normally comes in a 90 day like all my other drugs.  But the bottle was very small this time, I didn't catch it when I picked it up.  It took me a while reading the label and counting to figure out they gave me a 30 day with 2 refills, instead of a 90 day as requested.  It is a good thing I figured that out before I ran out I am a little irked about that.  

I went outside and sat in the sun/fresh air for a while it is really nice out, important to get fresh air.  I am cooking some lentils - if it's Wednesday it must be lentils.  I need to buy some more, by the way.  I put some Chorizo in it this time.    

So all the cooking's done for now.  Talked to my parents Dad wants to get up on a ladder and we (adoptive Mom) and I were both protesting an 80+ year old man really should NOT.  Hopefully he will listen.  I think I have enough work/food things for the week.  

I work Memorial Day of course but I don't think it will be too crazy, I don't recall it being bad last year.  Famous last words but they only have me down for 4 hours.  

I am really glad I got insurance paid, that I had enough for insurance.  I know my aunt was worried about my budget with me socking away half my pay for "escrow".  But it paid off.  

And I am going to go eat some delicious link sausage.  

Wednesday noon

 When I am depressed I pull back.  That isn't a good thing.  However my brother is used to dealing with depressed people and finally got ahold of me.  We had a good talk but I feel bad for him.  He is dealing with a young punk kid hassling him.  His wolf/mix was murdered, likely by the same kid.   God help that boy if he ever tells my brother.  My niece moved in and is looking after my brother which is a good idea for them both.  She got him a puppy and he is having fun with training it.  

Trash came and picked up my garbage, then put my can in front of #2's house.  Why does everyone want my can there?  I don't know!  I took it back and put it in my side yard.  

All the cans are issued by the trash company, by the way, and identical except for some small differences I use to identify mine.  

Anyway it was nice talking to him, now I probably need to call my sister this afternoon.  Biscuit got up in my lap during the conversation which was really cute.  I like how he just shoves himself in there, they all do, whenever they want attention.  I want them to feel entitled.  

People, this world is only going to get worse.  At some point Jesus will take the born again believers to Heaven for the "wedding supper of the lamb" (7 year party with those who have gone before, Ron and I are going to have a good time catching up!).  I have heard various viewpoints that Jesus will take all children under a certain age, and those unable to decide on their own (limited mentally, coma, etc.) as well.  This is a good thing because the world gets really, really, bad literally hell on Earth so bad the Bible says "none" would survive if He didn't come back again for the Second Coming, kick Satan's butt, happy ending for those born again and washed in the blood.  Everlasting judgement for those who are not: you don't want to be there.  

Now some believers say "Jesus will only take believer's children and leave the children of the unreached".  It is possible.  Things will get really bad, famine, war, pestilence, etc.  So I tend to think God's going to take them.  You think a school shooting is bad this will be every family on the planet.  

So today I have some meal planning.  I have 3 chicken thighs in the crock pot.  I have some link sausage in the fridge I will cook later.  I also need to get the lentils soaking so I can cook them too.  And then I need to wash dishes before/after as well.  That should get me through the next couple days.  

Going to take a nap... that's it for now.  

Do think about your eternal destination if you have been putting it off.  God has been good to me and I hate to think of people without Him.  

OK I am just baffled

 So I got the insurance paid.  I had to use "spacebar" to select an option on the website because "mouse click" wasn't doing it but I got the policy paid.  All $2K of it.  It was nice while it lasted!  [sigh]  Anyway got the confirmation on that and sent a copy to my aunt.  That is fine, thank you Jesus for helping me with it, the hand tremor was mighty during that.  When I am pressured my hands can get pretty epic.  It is an "essential tremor" inherited from both parents.  Glad I did not reproduce.  

Then we get to You tube, I listen to my Christian music on there every day.  It's very important to me.  You tube had a better idea "It's tarot card day, get a free reading!"  NO THANKS.  But really creepy it was right up at the top.  That stuff is playing with demons.  Yes, demons know a lot about you...they are not on your side, they want you discouraged, defeated, apart from God's love.  NOTHING good comes of that even though I have to say I have been curious now and again.  Not going to do it, though.  

So now we get to the baffling part.  I put my trash can out last night.  Next door to me is a 4 bedroom house, #2.  The owner rents it to her daughter and some friends.  They are all early 20's.  Sometimes a guy stays over for a week or two and then moves on.  They don't put out their trash.  Then they put their overflow in my can.  

So last night I put out my can.  I had one bag in there plus the infamous hand cart.  This morning my can was in front of their house, and it had another trash bag in it.  Their can was up by the house.  It works, their can, I mean... why are they putting it in my can?  It was more work to walk over and take my can than it would have been to take out their own can?  Why?  I don't know.  But they are quiet so I won't complain.  

Just 

Baffled.  

Very early Wednesday morning

I went to bed very early Tuesday and woke up about 4 AM today.  So I got up and got my chicken thighs started in the crock pot.  I used some chicken broth powder, a cup of water, and about 1/4 cup chopped frozen onions I found in the freezer.  Every time I open the freezer door I have food falling out on me so I think I am OK on food for a while.  I am really glad I got those lunchable things at the store.  That was a great deal.  The ham ones had a very short sell by date but the turkey ones are good for another month.  I also have 1.8 pounds of bananas which make a great snack.  I got some assorted ones other people had rejected but looked fine to me.  I don't care if my banana has a bruise.  And the green/yellow ratio was good in my eyes although I don't buy a lot of bananas.  But this store has "the best" bananas in my eyes.  Not too green.  Not overripe.  So that's plenty for a while.  

And I have 2 days off coming up next week so it's not like I can't shop then.  

I slept OK and did not wake up for a change, which is interesting as I had 3 (single serve) bottles of diet cola yesterday.  I also got some green tea/raspberry drink mix I will have at work on my lunch.  I took my pills when I got up; I need to do up another 3 weeks.  It is a little tedious doing them up but worth it.  I will also make 2 pouches to take to work Thursday and Friday.  I prefer to take my pills on my lunch vs. having to take them when I get home from work at 10:30 PM.  

Enough about work.  It is raining.  I will do my last load of laundry when it finishes up although it isn't a strong storm that might cause a power outage.  I also need to pay the insurance once I verify the transfer went through.  I have my debit card ready for that.  And I need to take a shower, do some dishes, and then I am done.  Not a lot of dishes though.  

I also need to cook up some lentils and rice.  But that won't take long.  Still plenty of time to have fun today.  

Oh and I got paid, let me see if that went through.  It did.  Got $3 more than I budgeted.  Transfer went through too.  That's a nice balance!  Too bad I don't get to keep it!  😂  Comcast is still processing as are my credit card payments, one credit card had a $2 balance and the other was about $8 (they break up the annual fee to monthly).  I am glad I caught those as I would hate to wreck my (decent) credit over a missed $2 payment.  I have the cell phone coming out shortly not sure when exactly...but it's coming.  Today, I think.  Anyway it's in there.  I am very happy with my company.  I like there is an office very close by if I have a problem.  Because problems happen.  This way I can go get a new phone easily and actually able to afford the damned thing, like what happened last year after Ron died.  

That phone I still use for streaming music and I like the weather app better, it works fine with Google on wifi it just couldn't do messages.  When I got hired at Walmart one of the first things they did was send me a text message with my background check so it's a good thing I had the new phone!  So I actually have 2 phones.  And the old phone I could dial 911 if a bad guy got in here and took my new phone.  Not that he'd want it, I basically got the cheapest one.  

I feel like I should say something about the school shooting.  We live in a fallen world, people.  To quote Theocracy (Christian metal band) "This is what it looks like when we tell You we can do it on our own".  

That said why were the teachers not armed?  And good shots?  I would not send my child to a school if at least half the teachers and staff were not armed and proficient.  The old days of "No one will hurt the children" are LONG gone.  There are bad guys out there who know they can inflict worldwide pain by doing after small kids.  Why not be ready for him when he comes?  I don't get that!  

Unlike Sandy Hook I am not getting a leading to do a Bible Handout.  Frankly I wonder if the Handout days are over, not because Ron's dead but because the world is done with Jesus.  Fine, He will let the world alone and I wish you well because you're going to need it!  

That's all I've got on that.  

Every day when I talk to my parents they share details of a very active social life, Bible Study.  Veteran's groups, Dad giving hour long speeches that are well received.  Ministry things (they are chaplains).  Going to the gym.  Walks with friends in the morning, all very encouraging things for the child of elderly parents.  I tell them that's exactly what they should be doing and encourage them to keep it up.  I tell them Ron's parents spent the last 30 years of their lives sitting in front of the TV and no social outlet.  And they both got dementia.  Some of that I think was the lead pipes but a lot of it was genetic.  And I think some of it could have been pushed back had they been more mentally active.  My father in law had a beautiful garden which he had to stop tending to care for my mother in law.  That is a shame as I think it helped keep him young.  

I actually have some pretty long-lived grandparents.  Both grandmothers were widowed young but lived into their 80's.  So I think I have good odds if the heart attack doesn't get me.  But I was pretty active yesterday bringing those groceries home and didn't have any trouble.  I am actually glad I have to ride the bus because that is a minimum 25 minutes of exercise every day I go anywhere, including work.  I have a room set up with kettlebells and an exercise bike (how many can say that?!) but I don't use them, I need to, but I can at least get some exercise doing this.  Not necessarily to lose weight and get sexy but to lose weight and get healthy.  I want to be healthy.  I don't want a stroke or heart attack.  I don't want to "half die" (Ron's phrase).  

And why do I have so much trouble capitalizing Ron's name these days?  I don't know.  That's it for now.  

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Tuesday evening

 I couldn't take a nap, that "decaf" tea IS NOT.  I laid there thinking and decided I could go to the store on my own.  

The ideal would have been "Foodtown" but that was impossible for various reasons.  I don't like the Kroger.  But there are other grocery stores.  

I decided to go to the one nearest my house.  I would have to walk to the bus stop, ride down, cross the street, ride up to the end of the line, come back, get off, shop, and finish my ride home.  So I did that.  

And that was actually the easiest grocery store aside from the Kroger.  The church guy was not encouraging when I called so I didn't want to lean on that.  I will call tomorrow after I pay the insurance (or try!) and see if I can get on the list but I'm not overly hopeful.  

This, I only paid $1.20 for transport.  Can't beat that.  I took my "bag lady" shopping cart.  Not really my preferred method of travel but I got my groceries.  

I was particularly interested in shredded cheese, work snacks, tortillas, tuna, etc.  I didn't need a lot of raw meat.  I found some "lunchable" type snacks for 33 cents each.  They had good dates on them so I got 5.  I got some sausage biscuits will be a good breakfast.  A loaf of multi grain bread.  I can do a lot with that.  

Now, at work I need to get more of the fake peanut butter.  Sliced cheese (grocery store did not have extra sharp), and crackers.  But I had money left so I can do that.  And it can wait.  

That is something I can throw in my bag on Thursday and buy before my shift, take it home after and stick it in the fridge.   

I'm tired, that's it for now.  

Tuesday noon

So I called Jack for a ride.  He was at the doctor's office with his wife today and would be out tomorrow as well.  I called the church and spoke to a very nice man who said they "might" be able to help.  I need to call back later... which I will do.  

We will see.  Worst case I will shop after work on Monday and pay for a cab ride home.  I can definitely arrange that in advance.  I'm going to take a nap.  

Tuesday morning

 I slept OK.  The cats never wake me up, but once I am awake they clamor for breakfast.  So I got up and fed them.  I got online for a bit and made some iced tea (doesn't matter if my fake decaf keeps me up I plan to be up for a while).  I found the insurance bill and texted my aunt the amount I need transferred out of savings.  

Last year it worked fine to pay it online, but I am using an older OS this time so that might be an issue?  We will see tomorrow when I pay it.  Worst case I will go to the Post Office and mail it.  

The cats are fine, I saw Cleo and Spotty while I did my God Time they are good.  Biscuit hung out on the couch with me for a while.  

A couple of issues: 1.  Do I get groceries.  I have a lot of stuff in the freezer but could use some other things.  And do I take the bus or call Jack for a ride?  Decisions.  

Then we have the calling the church thing.  I HATE to ask for help.  Hate it.  Last year I went on my message board and said I found Ron died: they took it from there and did a fund raiser after asking if it was "OK".  I had $16.  It was OK.  😂  But I didn't ask, I wouldn't have thought to, to be honest.  When I get a love gift I accept it but I hate asking...so it is very hard for me to ask for help.  

Plan is I may call the church and ask if I could get a ride to the grocery store some Tuesdays.  It would save me cab fare.  But asking!  I don't think it's pride so much as just hating to hear no.  We will see.  

That's it for now.  

Monday, May 23, 2022

I had a decent nap

 It is still nice out in the yard so I went looking for fire ants.  They are getting in the house after me when I sit here in my computer chair.  I didn't find the fire ants but I did find a couple of litter box spots the cats are using in my yard.  Very happy it is MY yard.  I remember how annoyed I was when the Barkappotamous would crap in my yard when she got out and I'm not a hypocrite.  

Then the mosquitos started biting so I went back in.  

I took the chicken thighs and some Chappel Hill link sausage out of the freezer and put in the fridge, I will cook tomorrow.  I also need to do dishes.  How does one person make so many dishes?!  I use disposable plates if at all possible.  

I am going to go check the mail.  Nothing.  That's OK I already got the fun stuff.  

I did see 2 things, one funny and one sad.  I saw a mockingbird chasing a squirrel across the street and up a tree, that squirrel was scared to death!  Very amusing.  

Then I saw the kid in the wheelchair being taken out for his exercise.  He is autistic and has CP and is a wheelchair user.  Some time ago these people in scrubs started showing up and taking him for "walks".  They strap him into a tricycle and pull it behind them as they walk through the neighborhood.  The boy always covers his face and vocalizes that he does not like it.  I get why they do it, it prevents blood clots and probably helps prevent pressure sores, but the kid clearly hates it.  Also the latest provider carries a large bat.  I guess he is worried about bad actors, canine or human.  

I came home and decided to fertilize my garden.  I pinched back the mint a little (trimmings are floating in my glass of water) and used my Plant-Tone organic fertilizer on the jasmine, catnip, Lemon Verbena, and mint.  I watered it in with the mint as it is under the eaves somewhat and does not get as much water, or sun.  But it still tries which is why it's still there and gets the fertilizer.  I like the Plant-Tone as I don't have to worry about getting it on my hands.  I washed it off because it reeks but it is not harmful to me or the cats.  Something chewed a hole in the bag but apparently didn't like the taste as I still had a whole bagful.  The fertilizer will last me a while which is great.  It is supposed to rain tomorrow which will get the nutrients into the soil.  

I had a book for years, I think I lost it.  It was about organic soil management.  It was a very dense little tome on soil science and the gist of it was feed the soil microorganisms and they will feed the plant.  I used to read it at bedtime it would put me out every time.  It got a lot into the, let's see if I can spell it, mycorrizae.  Got it wrong it is spelled: mycorrhizae.  So feed the soil, soil is not a dead thing it is alive and full of living creatures that need to be nourished for healthy plants.  Organic matter is very important.  Mulch was another one they covered, how good it was for plants.  And that's it for your botany 😂 lesson.  

Ideally, I am considering a garden patch inside the gate, it is partly shaded and would make a good spot for some greens and maybe a few more herbs.  I just need to mulch it really good and indicate it is a viable garden and not something to be weed-whacked.  I will eat greens if they are in my yard, I can pick them as needed and add them to rice, etc.  But I can't always eat a whole package of greens from the store and frozen texture is just ACK.  

Biscuit is up on the couch next to me.  It used to be Torbie's spot and then Baby Girls for a few weeks, now BG is gone so it is Biscuit's.  The kittens prefer to hang out on the catio or on the cat trees.  

That's it for now.  

FUBAR

 I slept pretty well last night.  Plan is to take my shower, do my God Time, set up my cart and head out.  I have my route planned out and my outfit selected.  It is cooler and overcast so should be easier for a Handout.  I am a little worried about my cart but I will figure that out after my shower and God Time.  

I figure I have to seek God's will before I go DO it.  If all my devotionals say "Heather stay home" I would but I doubt it.  

I am just drawn to really bad neighborhoods circling the drain as they really need Jesus.  Everyone does but I am drawn to the bad neighborhoods.  

But first I need to take a shower and shave my legs, as I plan to wear my very modest shorts today.  Getting there will be fun, too, but I'll do it.  Only real worry someone might be there but no one has been there the last several times I passed that intersection on the bus.  

Off I go to take my shower.  So I did that, then I got dressed in my shorts (modest) and oversized performance tshirt.  Put on my good shoes.  Got my cart.  And it wouldn't open.  

I fought with it for a while, my language deteriorating and the spirit of love and compassion flying away as I desperately fought NOT to hurl the damn thing through a window.  I finally gave up; it's dead.  I did, petulantly, throw it in the trash can.

Well, CRAP.  No handout for me today.  I looked at the tote bag and my "Ask Me For Free Bibles" hat and decided I would take them, maybe someone would see the hat and ask.  (They didn't).  I could always go to Timmy Chan's, right?  I had planned to go there on my way home anyway.  

The bus driver was the same one I had last week, and, like last week, he stopped at a Jamaican restaurant and got takeout.  

So I went to Timmy Chans.  It's in a parking lot with an Asian grocery.  I went to the grocery first and got some bottled iced tea.  I am profiling here: the Asians make the best bottled iced tea.  I drank a FANTASTIC bottle of Assam iced tea with lemon and sugar.  SO good.  Then I went to Timmy Chan's and it was closed.  [facepalm]  Just not my day, today.  I had a long wait for my ride home, the same driver again.  I told him I should have gotten takeout when he did, he said it was "probably too spicy" for me so I appreciated the heads up on that.  There was an autistic girl on the bus with her caregiver mother, vocalizing very loudly.  As she got off I saw the driver had given her one of "my" bags of candy I'd given him.  I thought that was cute, a lot of drivers tell me they give out "my" candy to little kids and such.  

I got off, called my aunt, chatted a little and came home.  Spotty was happy to see me and has been very cute.  I had planned to eat that food the next couple days I will have to figure that out.  

That's it for now.  

Sunday, May 22, 2022

No I didn't offer to buy the kitten

 So I got to work OK.  Work was fine, one notable unpleasant customer who is, on reflection, the worst customer I have had in 30 years of retail.   But she has to go live a miserable life by herself and I got to come home to my awesome cats.  So that's fine.  

I got to leave on time, and I did.  I did not do any shopping on my way out, preferring to flee.  Yesterday and today I had the bus stop to myself which was nice.  I got on the first bus, uneventful ride.  This driver was very quiet unlike the other guy always talking trash about his passengers and calling them names.  He had better hope no one fires up a camera phone.  Like my other drivers, he is off the route in a few weeks so I just need to be patient.  

I got on my second bus and there was a homeless guy, a bucket, a cart with junk on it, and a kitten sitting on a blanket.  He had rigged up a very clever harness for the kitten.  I was a little worried as the kitten seemed lethargic.  Another woman got on the bus and squealed over the kitten, he picked her, yes it's a girl, up and was holding her, she woke up and became very lively which I thought was great.  She came over to me smelling me because of course I reek of my cats.  Biscuit and Spotty together got on me before I left this morning, for instance.  He got out a carton of the KMR kitten milk (not cheap!) and fed her some and the kitten obviously loved it.  The homeless guy was sweet but a little slow.  He was asking me some questions about cat care.  I told him he was doing a good job.  He was.  

I could have offered to buy her and then added her to the family if he said yes, but 1.  I don't have a lot of money and 2.  It was his pet also 3.  Biscuit has a cold and the kitten would catch it  can't forget 4.  Can't afford another cat right now.  

The bus driver had to jam on the brakes and my bag went flying but he was holding the kitten at the time so she was fine.  He named her "Trash" because that's where he found her.  Just crawling around in a dumpster yelling her head off.  She looked to be around 9 weeks or so.

The rain brought a cold front so it is in the low 80's.  I turned off the AC and opened a few windows.  It is nice.  I love fresh air.  I took a nap and got up, Dad is visiting someone in the hospital so they will call later.  I am enjoying my first night off.  

Plan is to do a Bible Handout tomorrow and get some takeout on my way home.  


Sunday morning

 Today has just been... weird.  

I didn't sleep well last night and got up early because I need to take the bus to work.  BUT the cold front came through along with heavy rains and thunderstorms.  So I need to take a ride to work; but it's so early I can't call either of my guys just yet to confirm a ride.  No one wants a call at 6 AM.  7:45, I'm thinking, is barely acceptable.  

I didn't think this through, SHOULD have arranged a ride yesterday when I knew it would come through this morning but I assumed it would come through last night.  So I'm sitting in my chair tired and thinking I could have got a LOT more sleep if I had just arranged my ride yesterday.  Not really mad at myself more resigned.  At least it is still raining so I made the right call; and it looks like we're not as likely to have a drought this year.  I can only think of a few times I had a problem with rain as I was going to work.  

I really didn't want to stand in the rain for an hour total waiting on buses, not to mention walking across that vacant, muddy, lot.  I just hope I can get a ride to work: lesson learned, arrange a ride the day before.  Worst case I call in, I will live and I haven't called out in almost a year.  

Biscuit is hanging out next to me on the couch.  Cleo is an interesting cat, she spooks easily, freaks out, and runs away, if I move fast,  like walking to the bathroom quickly.  But once I'm in there she comes to visit and lays down on the floor for petting.  She's a good cat but definitely different, and not a cat for dogs or kids.  I haven't seen Spotty, I know he's not outside but he may be under Ron's bed.  

And I have run out of things to say, that's it for now.  

Edit: called my cab driver buddy and he is coming to get me.  SO happy about that.  

Saturday, May 21, 2022

Another short one

 I got the card!  Thank you very much!  It's going to make my next couple days off a lot more fun.  For instance, some Timmy Chan's takeout.  

I didn't sleep great and had a hard time getting up.  Those late night/early morning Friday/Saturday duos are a killer.  I checked my schedule, in a couple weeks I work a full day Saturday and Sunday.  That will be more money but a lot more wear and tear on me.  I may pay for a ride home those days.  

I got to work and there was a problem.  No one could fix it.  So I had to live with that.  Frustrating.  The girl who was supposed to replace me called in sick.  They didn't ask me to work late so I didn't offer.  Other employees were talking about how she had to leave early the last night she worked so I wonder how long she can do this job.  She has a bad back that is helped by injections so maybe she just needs another round.  

I did notice the guy from Claims (writes things off for the company) pushing a cart full of peanut butter so we got all the poison 😂 peanut butter off the shelves. 

I have to go to bed now if I'm going to get any sleep... that's it for now.  

I will keep this short.

 I broke a nail at work.  I have to say here I do nothing with my nails, no polish, nothing, I bite them off every now and then but that's it.  So it's a little itchy where I had to bite it off.  Another day or two it should be fine.  

Rides have been fine which is good.  I also got some more candy last night so that will keep me going another week or so.  I am really looking forward to my 3 days off and planning to be stingy with my money at least now so I have something to spend on my time off.  

It may rain tomorrow morning which is going to affect if I pay for a ride to work.  I would really rather NOT but we will see.  

Cats are good.  House is hot because I am being stingy with the thermostat.  

I have been having my lentils with meat and cheese for dinner the last couple nights and it has been pretty good, and filling.  So I will be making another pot of lentils on my days off so I have something to eat next week.  

Boss had a talk with us the way they do the schedule is changing, I looked at the new one today and have me working 9 hours each Saturday and Sunday in a few weeks, so that's more money.  I will have to figure out transportation I am pretty sure I can take the bus the Sunday morning but will probably pay for a ride home those nights.  So I am happy they are giving me more hours.  And I got 3 days off because they don't want me getting over 30 hours because then I get benefits.  Not sure if the long days are permanent or just that weekend.  

I need to take my shower.  Done, all ready to go.  I did up my candy too.  

I had worn my black jeans a few days and they were covered in cat hair.  So I had to give them the treatment with the lint roller.  A price I'm happy to pay.  I also lint roll my clothes before I wash them I don't want to wreck the washer.  

I got special attention from both Biscuit and Spotty (not at the same time) so that was fun.  They are good boys.  They like to approach me when I am doing something else, if I had a work from home job I would have to hole up in Ron's room and shut the door.  

I have had an issue off and on with my job.  Nothing I can control but I will be leaving it up to God today.  That's all I can do.  I just hate work dramas.  That's it for now.  


Friday, May 20, 2022

Friday morning

 Well I made it through work Thursday night.  I did say something about one of my coworkers which I realize now will probably get back to her.  I basically said she is allowed to do ___ and I am required to do A, B, C and to quote my boss "I want you always moving".  She is not required to adhere to that.  And I said it seemed unfair.  So we will see how that goes when I go in today.  

You could say they have a different rule book because they have higher expectations of me, that they want to move me up, but I doubt it.  I think it is more I am willing to work so they are requiring it.  I certainly earn the $13 an hour, though.  I will not complain if they raise my pay again (inflation).  I feel like I have earned it.  I look out for the customer, I look out for the company, I even look out for safety hazards.  

We have those disinfecting wipes at the door.  People throw them on the floor when done and they are a slip hazard, I spoke to another associate who almost fell stepping on one.  So I am always picking those things up.  I was asked to do this so I do it.  If I'm walking along doing something else and I see one I pick it up.  Because I am looking out for the customer and looking out for the company.  And that I think is what they call virtue signalling: the action or practice of publicly expressing opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one's good character or the moral correctness of one's position on a particular issue.

Yup, guilty.  I will leave it in, though.  

So I do my best to give Walmart their money's worth and try to do everything that is requested.  I am fine doing that but it is very demoralizing seeing these other coworkers doing 1/4 what I am doing and the bosses seem to love them.  What am I? 

Anyway that is probably my "big" problem at work and I SHOULDN'T have vented but I do get frustrated.  I feel like the same rules should apply to everyone doing the job.  

I came home, talked to Mom and Dad.  Dad is involved in some social groups and gave a talk yesterday that went very well.  He was very pleased with that, he had spent a lot of time putting the talk together.  I am really glad he is so active socially.  My in laws basically sat at home in front of the TV the last 30 years of their lives and they didn't do well, both ended up with dementia.  I do wonder about my brother and sister in law, as Ron's parents, and Ron, had dementia, they must have gotten it too.  Some of that probably the lead pipes in their home and then the rest of it genetic.  Very glad to see Mom and Dad involved in charity work, veteran's groups for him, etc.  

I need to figure out my breakfast and lunch for today.  I can do the lentils for dinner but need to figure that out.  I did use the gift card yesterday for lunch which was nice.  I am doing my best to be thrifty with what I have so it lasts longer.  I don't want to get to my 3 days off and I don't have any money.  Also it may rain on Sunday so I might need a ride home.  I will have to think about that.  I have my rain jacket and my water proof shoes so I should be OK if I just go out in it.  So I need to get the meal sorted.  

I am thinking I need to go modified low carb.  I am hungry all the time.  I eat and I just don't get full.  I think it is the carbs jacking with my blood sugar.  So I need to eat more protein and fat, less carbs.  My weight loss has sort of stalled on this so I need to get that fixed.  And I don't want to walk around hungry all the time.  I will figure it out.  

That's it for now, I may come back.   

Almost done getting ready.  Jack told me he really likes "root beer barrels" candy so I will try to score him a bag at work.  He said it was a childhood favorite.  I am glad to hear it, I want to have "the good" candy.  

On a totally unrelated note I cleaned the toilet, which needed it.  That's it for now.  

Thursday, May 19, 2022

Thursday morning

 I woke up once last night but slept OK and even woke up a little before the alarm.  I hung out in bed with the cats for a while.  Got up, got ready.  

There are things I would like to discuss about my job but it would let on what it is I do, and I don't want people figuring that out and/or figuring out my store location. 

I did my God Time, took my shower... now I just need to get dressed and do up the candy, put my lunch in my bag.  I still have about an hour, though.  

Less than that, now.  I have everything ready to go but haven't gotten ahold of Jack to confirm for tonight.  I will of course feel better when I do that.  Did get ahold of him so I'm good.  Of course something could always happen but I'm ready.  

It is very hot in my clothes even in the house so I'm thinking it's going to suck outside.  So I brought an extra t shirt I can wear if this one gets sweaty.  I want to have a fresh and clean appearance not always easy in the dead of summer.  

I even made up a bottle of improvised electrolyte solution to take with me.  Hopefully that helps.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Wednesday afternoon

 So I'm really happy with my extra 😂 $20 and figuring out how I want to spend it.  But no rush.  I HAVE to cook the lentils tonight that's not optional.  I have decided to do the dishes, cook, do the dishes again and then leave it at that aside from laundry tonight.  The floors can wait, I did spot clean the worst 2 spots.  

I am debating what to do with this computer.  I had a reconditioned computer, have had them most of my adult life except the time Ron and I built one from scratch (that was a popular line on my resume "built my own computer").  It started acting up a few months ago so I got Ron's computer (also reconditioned I think), he spent a fair amount on it.  4 megs of ram, 3.4 Gigahertz processor, I forget if that is good or not, nice big hard drive (not that I really need one).  

Using this computer is free and I am sure Ron would want me to get some use out of it.  It works OK but Ron wanted Windows 7.  That runs into trouble sometimes like when I make a post I have to take some extra steps at times to get it to publish.  I can't delete my email, I have to do that on my tablet (first world problems).  Etc.  And Facebook is balky as well.  I get it, according to my computer the OS is over 13 years old.  That's ancient.  Ron needed it because he wanted to run a speech software program on a platform he understood.  His dementia was kicking in by then and he was adamant he wanted Windows 7.  

So I think, it is annoying enough I call the computer guy to do an upgrade?  Do I want to spend that money especially since I have a job and don't need it for that?  I can do email on the tablet, but it runs Amazon's Silk browser which is not compatible with my Google account, message board I frequent, or the blog so that's not workable.  Tablet does work great for reading my Bible, reading other books, checking email.  I am still on the fence but for now plan to let it be.  

I feel bad for my mail carrier today.  I shouldn't talk about it at all but on occasion I like to do nice things for the mail carrier.  The other day I saw him (? sometimes a man, sometimes a woman ?) down the street at the other mailbox, went home and got a cold bottle of water, put it in the mailbox.  When I went back to check 15 minutes later the water bottle was still there and cold so I guess he (?) had his own water of course.  But if it were me out there schlepping the mail you can bet I would take more.  But that's me.  A sponsor (buys me Bibles and ships them to my house) signed me up for the Sword of the Lord newspaper plus I get various charity mailings that indicate my faith and who can forget the giant boxes of Scripture Booklets from World Missionary press.  So I figure I had better have a good witness, ie. not having porno in he same box as the Sword of the Lord newspaper.  Do nice things for someone bringing me mail.  God knows it was a huge hassle to go get it every week last year.  But it's very hot, sunny, and humid people are going to get sick out of this.  

And tomorrow I get to go out in it.  Should be fun.  I will have a water but not a cold one as they sweat in my bag.  

I did have a pretty good nap but I am convinced the HEB decaf tea was NOT because every time I drink it I can't sleep.  Cleo and Biscuit joined me, apparently Spotty is not allowed in my bed.  He will get up with me if they aren't around, though.  And he remains very faithful and attentive when I'm on the bed in Ron's room.  He's a good boy.  

Cleo actually spooned me she continues to make really good progress.  That is one reason I would not want to get involved again, what if he had kids and they were awful to my cats?  And any guy my age is going to have "baggage": an ex and a couple of teenagers, maybe a grandkid I would get saddled with watching.  Not interested.  

And I'm not a treat either.  I've got the mood disorder, terrible housekeeper, indifferent cook, non driving, brain damage, ride the bus, rabid evangelist, etc.  That's a lot.  So for now I will just assume I will die widowed which is OK.  I don't want to be one of those "My life is NOTHING without a MAN in it!"  people.  I really enjoyed being married even the hard times.  At the end about all Ron could do was hold my hand and talk to me but I loved that.  But I will see Ron again, and he's in a perfect body.  He would not come back if he had a choice.  God has my back.  I would rather live with more comfort and security and not white knuckle my budget every pay period but this is how He wants me to live for now.  

I do worry about that next electric bill.  I have the thermostat up at 85 which is about the best I can do comfortably.  But the AC does run I hear it.  Not much I can do about it.  Last summer I think my largest bill was about $130.  I could go up to $170 in a pinch if I had to.  We will see what I do.  I think it's going to be one of those dry, hot, summers.  Even my yard is looking a little wilted, I may have to water it.  But I have bermuda grass which is pretty indestructible.  

I want to get my cooking done with but not in the late afternoon with the sun beating on my house, and not after just having written a paragraph worrying about my electric bill.  I will be fine, God has my back, but I'm not turning down that thermostat.  

Happily I went through the hot flash phase about 13-8 years ago.  I haven't had any since which is great.  I am going natural with my menopause which has worked OK.  One thing I do advise is a good calcium/magnesium supplement with Vitamin D.  I remember one winter I was sick with a sinus infection and had a fever, which was flipping hot flashes left and right.  I was really miserable and Ron turned up the heat.  I literally begged him not to do it and explained how miserable I felt.  Ever since that he would get my approval every time he wanted to turn up the heat, very concerned for my comfort and that he wasn't going to "roast" me.  He could be really sweet when he put his mind to it.  And he did that pretty much the whole time he could adjust the thermostat.  

We were tremendously compatible in many ways even including the thermostat.  I can't imagine fighting over it; so many women in the menopause group, when I was active, had battles with their loved ones over the temperature, and pretty much every woman my age wants the thermostat around 60 degrees.  I wonder how that went with my Dad and stepmom.  She NEVER talks about her transition which is fine, I talked to her a little about mine some time back when I called and Dad was running errands.  My own mother went through it naturally all I really have from my sister was that she would not have a cycle for months, it would come back, and disappear again, and she "finally" finished about a year before she died.  Which probably leads to my stack of pads that I wear when I'm "about" due up until the actual cycle starts, last month I went 6 weeks between cycles.  Not a big deal once they start, especially if I take some advil (not for pain it slows bleeding).  

Enough about that.  I am going to go rot my brain on TV for a while and then do up some candy so it's already to go when I leave the house tomorrow.  

Wednesday morning

 I fell asleep OK.  I woke up once but went back to sleep.  I woke up exhausted, however, and didn't feel a "Yes" on the Bible handout (not overly depressed just very tired).  So my policy of late is to say no if I am not getting a "yes".  Hopefully that makes sense.  I will be going, just not today.  Next week doesn't look good either as I have 3 days off all supposed to rain.  We can use the rain but Bible handouts don't work in the rain, the Bibles get wet and no one wants to lower a window.  So we will see, but I will get out there.  

One of my cats just went in the cabinet, I'm glad they still enjoy it.  

So I got up, somewhat depressed.  I did talk to my aunt who is doing well and very happy in her new place. 

I finished washing the clothes now I just need to dry them, which I'll do later when it is not 100 degrees out.  Puts a burden on the electrical grid and heats up my house, no thanks.  Winter time I run that dryer any time.  

I made some breakfast for tomorrow as well so we will see.  I did not spend my whole fun money budget I had $43 the other day and I still have $20.  Feeling pretty happy about that.  Now I am into my next week's budget which is a plush $50.  And I can eat pretty cheap.  

I need to decide if I want to make lentils today.  I will have to do dishes first.  

I am planning to do some house cleaning first and then maybe some cooking.  I only work 4 days this week.  I will figure it out.  

Planning to take a nap.  

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Tuesday afternoon

I had a pretty good nap for a while.  I thought, when I turned up the thermostat, I might have more trouble sleeping but I seem to be OK.  I don't mind it colder in the summer but it doesn't have to be cold, which will hopefully save me some money this year.  I can just make it working part time but I have to be clever.  

But naps are free and I enjoyed that.  Got up and took out the trash, watered my herbs out front.  I have a very small flower bed dominated by the jasmine.  A few smaller herbs around that.  Catnip, lemon verbena, and the mint plant my rabbits find so tempting.  I could probably catch a couple dinners if I put a snare by the mint.  I won't, though, ick, cleaning a dead animal.  Happy I don't need to do that.  

I am involved in an online discussion with a guy who is "following his dream" even though everyone else thinks it is a bad idea.  Says he doesn't know God's will but has decided this has His blessing, even though it is taking a big chance financially.  I have been discouraging.  

And I will share why.  Years ago I lived in CA with Ron, my parents had moved me there in 1985 from the East coast and I really hated it there.  I went to visit Ron's family back in 1994, after we had been together for 2 years.  While there I picked up a Houston Chronicle and read the low cost of apartments, in the classified, and the equivalent pay rates to CA.  Why was I living in CA, what Ron termed "The Frozen Sh*thole"?  I could live in a nice warm city for far less money.  

I nagged and nagged and connived and tried to find a way to get Ron to move.  The farthest I ever got was Ron admitting that yes he would like to live in Houston but it was always the wrong time.  IN this, I sought MY will and not God's.  I asked God to bless what I was doing but refused to leave it in His hands.  

And got nowhere.  I finally got to the point I admitted I was never going to make it happen, that I would do my best to be happy where ever He put me, and I would leave it in God's hands from that point.  And we moved in 4 months.  I just had to leave it to God and let Him make it happen.  Trying to do it on my own only caused failure and disappointment.  

And that's the important lesson.  

I also included this: 

Years later Ron was in a terrible accident run over by a pickup truck while walking to work. He was dead at the scene and revived after 10 minutes, life flighted to the trauma center.

I was not notified for hours, I finally got there and was told he was critical, they were working on him, but it looked very bad. He had a SEVERE head injury and many other problems. I immediately turned to God, I asked Him, begged, really, for a sign as to His will for Ron. I said, and meant, I would be OK with his will life or death as I didn't see the whole picture and Ron had always said some things he might not want to survive. So if he were a quad in addition to being blind, that sort of thing...

So I asked God for HIS will not mine, but did ask for a "favor". Could He at least let me know which way it would go so I could prepare? I honestly did not expect him to live at this point. I opened up my Bible and got this:

Psalm 72, NIV
12 For he will deliver the needy who cry out,
the afflicted who have no one to help.
13 He will take pity on the weak and the needy
and save the needy from death.
14 He will rescue them from oppression and violence,
for precious is their blood in his sight.
15 Long may he live!

May gold from Sheba be given him.
May people ever pray for him
and bless him all day long.

Well, I had my answer. I told everyone in the waiting room Ron was going to make it, they thought I was nuts but he did, for 18 years. I am very glad I had those years even though they were not easy. He wasn't unscathed and in fact developed Alzheimer's. But he loved me, and I loved him, I am glad I had that time with him. He told me constantly at the end how much he loved me and how much he valued what I did for him.

That's the kind of sign I am talking about. But I had to be willing to accept ANY answer not just the one I wanted. And abide by His will, not mine. My life has gone much better living like this.

All true, I hope it helps someone.  I do better living in God's will.  It is not "easy" but it is "right".  Works for me at any rate.  

I am not cooking anything today I am tired/depressed (not so depressed but it's there).  I plan to have a PB sandwich for dinner.  I was down to 208 this morning so that is encouraging.  

I drank some of my "decaf" tea this morning and had a hell of a time falling asleep for my nap today, I am convinced it has caffeine in it.  Which is fine for morning use but not evening.  I just need to figure out the drinks for the handout tomorrow.  I have found bringing a cold beverage it sweats and I can't have condensation + Bibles.  That's just BAD.  So I will have some room temperature drinks.  

I will set up my cart later and figure out what I am taking.  But for now I am trying to relax.  

That's it for now.  

Tuesday morning

 So a little more detail: while at work yesterday my boss kept complimenting my work (does she read the blog?!) which was nice and then confiding in me about work issues which was very, very, awkward for me.  I did my best to be supportive but non committal.  But she told me she corrected another employee (so harshly) she cried.  So I didn't have that at any rate.  Management of people is very difficult.  Ron was the master of that, the best I have seen.  He made people genuinely excited to come in and work for him.  They always went above and beyond without being asked.  I would not want to manage people.  

I don't want the hassles of management, period, I just want to be a dumb little worker bee buzzing away.  Even my Dad agrees, he was always ambitious for me but these days agrees I don't want to get into management.  Not that I think they would with me having a GED and "some" college.  And that's fine.  I did my job, did it well, got it all done, boss noticed, so a good day.  

And no homeless guy at the bus stop for a change so I got to wait in peace.  I had room in my bag for my sausage and my takeout in addition to my work crap.  It was kind of heavy, though.  I need to go through the bag and prune out any non essentials.  I need to put a hair brush in there too.  

I got home OK all the drivers were happy to get their candy.  I did it all up the night before which is a good thing as I got up about half an hour before I had to leave, and it takes "a minute" to do the candy.  I plan to take today off just do some housework and watch my show, then do the handout tomorrow and dishes.  I do have to take out the trash tonight.  

I am amazed the yard guy did such a good job, I have the best yard on the block.  A house down the street (Where Mama cat lives) is for sale.  This will help it get sold.  I expect pretty good odds of Mama cat coming back when they leave.  I do hope they take her but if they don't she is welcome here.  She's a good cat and did a very good job with Spotty and Cleo.  She always got along great with Biscuit as well.  Her, I would take, but if another cat shows up I would not.  

Wow I just looked up that house for sale it is going about double what my house is valued at; which makes sense, it is twice as big, and has an extra 1.5 bathrooms.  I'm not selling but interesting to know.  

I am not stupid, I will NEVER find another house in a quiet, decent, neighborhood, on an active bus line, near all these stores, big yard, etc.  Not to mention 900 square feet is more than enough for one person.  I have the orange room for working out, the blue room for Bible study/guest room, in addition to a nice sized bedroom and bath.  Even my own little laundry room with a door that shuts.  So I'm not selling unless I get a big sign from God.  

But is interesting to see the values go up.  My next property tax bill is going to be significant.  Which is why I save up every pay period, I would much rather do it now than scramble at the end of the year like Ron did every single year.  I loved him but I hated that.  

I am going to get started on the laundry.  I did that.  I decided to do one load of tshirts and underwear and then I will do a second load of jeans.  I plan to just wear performance t's for the next couple of months when I'm riding the bus.  They breathe better, and carry a backup t in my bag in case one gets sweaty.  

That's it for now.  

Monday, May 16, 2022

Monday

 I can't sleep.  Well I fell asleep for a little bit but woke up again.  I had some lemonade but no joy.  It appears I also missed the eclipse which is a shame I like them.  Biscuit was sleeping with me but has given up and gotten on the couch next to me.  He's pretty cute, I think I'll keep him.  I have really been blessed with some awesome cats in my day.  

I talked to my Dad tonight, he saw the latest Dr Strange movie and did not like it.  He said he would have rather seen Firestarter.  

I got back to sleep for a little bit but had to get up.  Uneventful ride to work but did startle a rabbit at the vacant lot.  I sure earned my $48 today that's for sure.  Glad to escape.  The job is not bad but retail!  Need I say more!  

I bought some link sausage before work and put it in my lunch bag with an icepack I brought.  After work I was able to walk out.  I missed my bus by about 2 minutes so I went to the Taco Bell with my gift card, got a Chicken Quesadilla and a 5 layer burrito.  I ate the burrito when I got home, the quesadilla is in the fridge.  

Ride home wasn't bad but was long.  I was delighted when I turned the corner on my street and saw my yard had been mowed.  It looks fantastic.  That is a huge load off.  

I am exhausted and going to bed early.