Wednesday noon

 I don't eat a lot of bread which is evident on looking at the loaf, it was somewhat stale (in fridge) and growing mold so I threw it out.  I don't think I'm going to buy anymore bread for a while it literally takes me weeks to eat a loaf which is why I keep it in the fridge.  

I talked to my aunt for a little bit; talk to her a lot less, don't see her at all, but she is happy and I'm happy for her.  

Don't know if I mentioned this but I saw 2 photos on my Facebook.  

Of course they're all dead except for me, that was a kick in the gut.  But I started thinking about how sick and feeble they all were at the end, and how they're not, now.  Also Ron can see and does not need his wheelchair.  So that helped.  But it's still hard.  

When I was "sick" as a child, teen, young adult I was very emotional and got upset easily and cried a lot.  I hated that and saw it as me being weak.  I am more stoic now which isn't always a good thing.  So yeah, I lost my husband, aunt, 2 cats all in a year but I'm tough... agh.  The mighty oak tree tends to snap because it resists the wind.  I don't want to be an oak tree, I want to be a willow and just deal with it as it comes.  

I lost a lot, the last year, most of my family.  That is hard no matter how you paint it and even with a solid faith I will see them again.  But they were all 3 (Ron and cats) suffering and miserable I can't wish them back to that existence.  I hang onto that.  

I decided to check the work app on my phone and found out I had been logged out (It had been a month) so I logged in again today, here at home, pretty relaxed situation so I didn't have to do it under pressure at work tomorrow (hopefully).  My hands tend to act up when I'm logging in on the app because it is "important" even setting my new Google password (a very long and complicated one) was easier than that.  

I need to fire that password off to my aunt somehow I will ask my Dad which way he suggests I do that.  He worked in a high security job he can't talk about so he should have some good advice.  If you have my Google password and email (which I will also include) you have my whole life.  She is already on the bank accounts so if something happens to me she can just take the cash out and pay for my final expenses.  She will also have the blog and can let you know what happened IF big IF anything happens.  But she is older than Ron was so more likely she will die first.  

I do think I need to fix my will to leave my stuff to one of her boys if she goes before I do.  And figure out who will be most likely to get whatever cats I have a good home.  

Cleo has been very cute today she even came up next to me on my computer and meowed very sweetly and let me pet her.  She is pretty cute and making really good progress.  Yes I could have gotten a "good" already friendly cat but her progress has amazed me.  I also don't want my cats to be too friendly because bad things can happen.  

That's it for now.