Coming to terms with losing my husband and sharing my faith. "A Bible that's falling apart belongs to someone who isn't"
Saturday, January 26, 2019
I can't take him anywhere
Another late ride, another tantrum. Being ugly now.
I told him, next time he wants to take me out I will say no.
5 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I really think the pain meds are to blame for some of this rather recent enhanced deranged behavior from him. I wonder if you knew what you know now if you could go back in time to Ron's accident if you would have prayed for god to take him and let him go. This way he would not have to suffer all this physical pain from it. Medical intervention can seem like a blessing at the time and then turn into a curse when the person has ongoing pain from an accident. That is my biggest issue with god as he does nothing to ease the suffering of people here on earth.
After the accident, I actually prayed for God's will, live or die. I knew he would not want to survive some things. I was very worried he might have broken his back/neck but that wasn't an issue. And we got a good 10 years out of him after the accident.
I have to figure God thinks he/we can handle this. Of course that means turning it over to God and NOT trying to carry it ourselves, I don't think Ron's got that part.
I know it has made my faith stronger, and made me realize who I really can count on, like my aunt.
Did you really get 10 "good years?" Maybe compared to his behavior now looking back thing were better but I truly believe you have been dealing with this mans behavior from the beginning (with drinking and cheating. I don't know about the verbal abuse but from the pickles comment he has been a jackass, just maybe not on a daily basis like now). Sure it has escalated in 2018 - 2019 but it was always a pretty bad setup for you from the beginning.
"I have to figure God thinks he/we can handle this." That really is a misconception and really untrue. God did not intentionally give ron neuropathy and excruciating pain in his back because he thinks he can handle it (clearly he can't). Nor did he purposefully put ron in your life so you could be mentally abused.
It would be along the same lines of thinking that god intentionally lets a child be physically or sexually abused because he thinks they can handle that (and clearly many cannot because drug use, etc are rampant in children that were broken from extreme abuse from their families).
Yes your faith has helped you cope but it has also made it so you feel like you can't leave him also because you said you made a promise in your vows and to god to stay. So it really is a catch-22 with the so called positives of your faith and how it has boxed you in so to speak. And yes your aunt is a very special person as most would have just abandoned you to the madness of life with ron because you refuse to leave.
I meant physically. He was able to get around very well and did not use assistive devices, could plunge a toilet, do "man work" building gates and replacing fence boards, assemble Ikea furniture, stuff like that.
He has pretty much always treated me like crap except for when he had head injury dementia after his accident. He was pretty sweet with that, actually. Just couldn't do anything else.
5 comments:
I really think the pain meds are to blame for some of this rather recent enhanced deranged behavior from him. I wonder if you knew what you know now if you could go back in time to Ron's accident if you would have prayed for god to take him and let him go. This way he would not have to suffer all this physical pain from it. Medical intervention can seem like a blessing at the time and then turn into a curse when the person has ongoing pain from an accident. That is my biggest issue with god as he does nothing to ease the suffering of people here on earth.
That is very sad. I know that going out to eat was at least one of the bright spots in your day.
Agree about the pain meds.
After the accident, I actually prayed for God's will, live or die. I knew he would not want to survive some things. I was very worried he might have broken his back/neck but that wasn't an issue. And we got a good 10 years out of him after the accident.
I have to figure God thinks he/we can handle this. Of course that means turning it over to God and NOT trying to carry it ourselves, I don't think Ron's got that part.
I know it has made my faith stronger, and made me realize who I really can count on, like my aunt.
Did you really get 10 "good years?" Maybe compared to his behavior now looking back thing were better but I truly believe you have been dealing with this mans behavior from the beginning (with drinking and cheating. I don't know about the verbal abuse but from the pickles comment he has been a jackass, just maybe not on a daily basis like now). Sure it has escalated in 2018 - 2019 but it was always a pretty bad setup for you from the beginning.
"I have to figure God thinks he/we can handle this." That really is a misconception and really untrue. God did not intentionally give ron neuropathy and excruciating pain in his back because he thinks he can handle it (clearly he can't). Nor did he purposefully put ron in your life so you could be mentally abused.
It would be along the same lines of thinking that god intentionally lets a child be physically or sexually abused because he thinks they can handle that (and clearly many cannot because drug use, etc are rampant in children that were broken from extreme abuse from their families).
Yes your faith has helped you cope but it has also made it so you feel like you can't leave him also because you said you made a promise in your vows and to god to stay. So it really is a catch-22 with the so called positives of your faith and how it has boxed you in so to speak. And yes your aunt is a very special person as most would have just abandoned you to the madness of life with ron because you refuse to leave.
I meant physically. He was able to get around very well and did not use assistive devices, could plunge a toilet, do "man work" building gates and replacing fence boards, assemble Ikea furniture, stuff like that.
He has pretty much always treated me like crap except for when he had head injury dementia after his accident. He was pretty sweet with that, actually. Just couldn't do anything else.
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