"Finish it tomorrow"

I'm sitting at my desk surrounded by "empties" - protein shake bottles, a lot of diet Dr Pepper bottles, some Diet Mountain Dew bottles, and an empty cup for my sugar free lemonades. 

I slept in today.  I was depressed and did not want to get up.  I did.  When Ron woke up he said he wanted to start at 2 PM.  He went in the kitchen and had several drinks, very morbid and gloomy. 

I didn't want to work, either, but I was trying to have a better attitude about it.  I had a careful snack, I don't know what kind of mess I have made of molar #18, but it feels pretty bad with my tongue.  I don't dare chew over there. 

I took my medication and called my doctor, she was very nice about it, treated it as an urgent matter and said they would get right on it.  I believe her.  She, of everyone, knows what kind of chaos can ensue if I go off my medication. 

I took a nap with Torbie.  She was sweet and cuddly, demanding a fair amount of petting.  She puts her paw on my face with claws extended, when she wants more.  I don't really have an opt out on that one. 

I just felt something crawl across my foot.  Baby Girl is under my chair and swept her tail near my feet.  I think it is sweet that she wants to be close to me.  As Ron implodes (he is her person) she is coming to me more for affection and attention.  She was waiting for me on top of the kitchen table at 6 PM, cat dinner time. 

Back to Torbie.  When she had enough attention, she went into her house, purring.  Although I think of it as her haus, I think it sounds classier. 

I didn't sleep very well but I did get a nap of sorts.  I got up and did the receipts.  Then Ron said he needed some numbers off the one computer.  That was fine but it doesn't have it's own power cord, mouse, or keyboard.  I got some of that off my computer and put them on the new one.  I gave Ron the information. 

He took a break, very upset and drinking heavily.  I said something along the lines of "You don't have any other way to cope?" and he said no, he didn't.  Between us we just know that getting drunk before doing accounting work is a recipe for disaster.  It makes it harder to think and analyze, and makes one more emotional. 

BUT he won't listen to me.  Lots of threats to quit the program and "go live (in some hellhole assisted living)"  I'm sure he could, but I am also certain he would regret it in very short order and want his "old" life back.  Yes, he wouldn't have worries about the business anymore, but he'd have worries about getting robbed, noisy "neighbors", etc.  A good example, years ago there was a murder at an assisted living complex.  A drug addict she thought she was a "friend" murdered her for maybe $100 worth of "stuff". 

There's no such thing as a worry free life.  I didn't argue with him.  I just let him throw threats about how I would have to get another job or end up on the street, etc.  He is just showing who he is.  He'd drink.  Then more verbal abuse, and I kept thinking the whole time this is such a bad idea!

Hours of this.  Ron finally said he was done for the night and didn't want to do any more, we would "finish it tomorrow".  Also a bad idea as we have other things on the agenda. 

It makes it hard for me to give him a good employee value for his money, let me tell you.  That kind of corrosive, ongoing, abuse just eats away.  It makes me defiant and lazy. 

Well, I said I'd be honest, and I aim to. 

So, finished for the night, he got back in his wheelchair, and...wait for it.... went and drank some more!  Shocking. 

Then he asked me about dinner.  He has said for weeks now "I don't want you buying me any food, I have food".  So I listened to him and I haven't bought him anything the last couple times I went to Walmart.  He got hungry and basically asked me for dinner.  I told him "You didn't want me to get you any food, remember?"  I walked by the kitchen later and he was eating some beef stew.  I always keep plenty of canned food on hand. 

Then he said he wanted to buy some canned food to give to #6, if something bad happened.  I had to explain, if this guy thinks we have food, in a really bad time, he will come in the house and steal all of it.  If we get in his way he will eliminate us.  That's a very bad idea.  There are two adults, they have 2 good brains (unlike Ron and me) to decide to buy some extra food for bad times.  If they don't, that's on them.  The thing to do, I told Ron, when he comes knocking on our door when times are bad, immediately ask him if he has any food.  He won't come back. 

Ron told me he had made a trip to work (I had wondered) and told me the pickup time.  I get to sleep in a little, for me, and get up at 6. 

I found Baby Girl sitting on top of the kitchen table (where I feed the cats) looking adorable.  She sort of cocked her head at me and reminded me it was dinner time.  I gave her a can of Fancy Feast. 

Now just some internet until I go to bed early tonight.  I am worn out.