"Uncle Biscuit"

So I got dressed and called Alex.  Poor man sounded on the edge of a nervous breakdown.  Couldn't help.  That's OK, I hung up.  I called Arturo who said he would be there shortly. 

He came, and I left.  I am always ready to go when I call for a ride.  I am always at appointments early if I have any control over it. 

We went to Walmart, I told Arturo about an exciting opportunity for tomorrow.  Could he take Mama cat and I to the vet?  He said sure, he likes cats. 

He will also get a tasty tip but he knows that.  We got to the store and I paid and left. 

I headed straight to the pharmacy.  Ron called the after hours number with his doctor the other night and the doctor put in the prescription.  It would be really rude not to pick it up.  Not to mention stupid. 

And yes, it was there.  I paid and put it in my bag, then did my shopping.  I got everything on my list.  Ron said he needed new AAA batteries, I swear he is eating them. 

Awwww, I just got up to pee and Mama Cat was under my computer chair, quietly hanging out.  She really appreciates everything we have done for her.   And you will never find a cuter thing than Biscuit and Spot together, they have very positive and loving body language.  "Uncle Biscuit" I call him. 

So I got everything on the list, didn't get much I shouldn't.  I got more drink mix and some Diet Mountain Dew.  I love that stuff. 

I didn't have enough left for my deposit but I made the important one at the start of the month.  This was just going to cover what I put out for the water bill.  Ron's going to pay me tomorrow, so I can go to my bank on the bus once I finish up with Mama Cat. 

I got some more wet cat food but not too much.  The plan is to get everyone on dry food. 

I called Arturo, he said he was about 20 minutes out.  I didn't look at the time (I hate doing that when I wait), I was outside in the heat, really glad I didn't get anything perishable, it was longer than 20 minutes. 

But you will not find a lot of cab drivers willing to go to Walmart.  We went home.  I took everything in through the front door.  No one tried to get out. 

I did not see Cleo today, there were workers next door on "her" side so she may have just hidden from them.  And me.  I will check again in an hour or two, if I don't see her I will leave her some dry. 

Mama cat and Spotty are enjoying wet food in the house with probiotics on top.  I figure it can only help.  But I will see what the vet says tomorrow about diet.  I think Mama cat has pretty much recovered from her spay procedure.  It was just a more difficult recovery due to the pregnancy. 

I feel bad about ending that but who's going to take the kittens?  Even the shelters are overrun and the only people I might get to take a kitten wouldn't be responsible.  I am just glad the vet did not give me details about the pregnancy when we talked. 

So I came home.  Ron was "more" sober. 

I am in a depression right now, not too bad, still functional which is the goal.  But vastly depressing to be at home when Ron is drinking.  Better to get out, which I did. 

He was happy to get his stuff.  I put my stuff away.  I can't leave things in my chair because Mr Spot Man likes to sleep in my chair.  He is a cutie. 

I talked to Ron about tomorrow and helped him find his cell phone again.  Drinking and cell phone don't really go together. 

I laid down for a while but I couldn't sleep.  I could hear the handymen at #2 "borrowing" my water, probably to flush a toilet or something.  I don't get leaving the water off, why not turn it on so the cleaners and workmen have, at the bare minimum, a toilet?  Not my issue. 

I did notice she is replacing carpet, again.  They must have really done a number on the house, and that is just after the rat-infested hoarders they had before that.  The people back in 2010-17 used to pen up a small dog in the garage and let it soil the concrete repeatedly.  The poor thing wasn't well cared for, either. 

So, new carpet.  They got rid of the old carpet today.  So I guess the installers are coming for that.  At some point the fence guys will come, and someone is supposed to cut down the problematic tree. 

Anyway, I couldn't sleep.  I kept wondering if they remembered to turn off the water. 

I got up, Biscuit was in bed with me, he does that now - very cuddly since he got sick.  He knows he is my Golden Kitty and the most I have ever spent on a single cat in my life.  I got up, told Ron I was awake. 

He was confused as to what we were doing tomorrow but got it eventually, enough to make the trips.  Let's see what he did.  A lot of cancellations but he got the idea. 

I am not hungry, I will wait until I am before I eat and take my pills.  I don't need to get up super early so that will be nice.  It is Friday so Kettlebell.  No, it isn't.  It's just Thursday so no workout if I don't want it. 

I may/may not, depends on mood when I get up. 

I made our hotel reservations but screwed up the date, couldn't fix it online.  Normally I would ask Ron for help but he was passed out in bed.  That's no good.  So I called the number and fixed it over the phone, and got a confirmation. 

I feel like, more and more God is having me do for myself because Ron won't be around for long.  Or able to be "the leader".  I have been picking up more and more as time goes.  I told him about the water bill fiasco after the fact.  He was a little surprised I did it on my own. 

Our whole married life I have been fine with him being "the leader".  Take moving to Houston, for instance.  I had the money saved for a while, but he said no so I didn't push the issue.  It took extreme events to get him to consider moving, and then we went.  And we weren't even legally married back then. 

Now some of that is Biblical, husband is supposed to lead his family.  I have no problem with that most of the time.  A good husband will make an excellent leader.  But what when you get a head injured alcoholic?  I have to make more decisions on my own, and some of them counteract what Ron wants.  For instance, buying him alcohol.  I could do it, but I won't.  If he had his way I would buy it for him.  But I have to go to God on that and say God wouldn't want me to do that. 

With the cat, for instance, I felt God sent her to us so we would take care of her.  We have done that.  I felt God would understand ending the pregnancy and my reasons for that (it does bother me, still).  So I did that.  Ron would like it if I were immoral, I am not going to because that would displease God. 

So I have to walk with "just please God" and go on that.  I don't believe God wants me to leave at this point.  I have been offered an apartment if I do.  For some time, not forever.  Just until I bring in my own $$ and I am a hard worker. 

I see Ron declining, it doesn't seem to be the medication.  I talked to my aunt about this and she said, you can take him to a neuropsych for an evaluation, but what are you going to do with the answer?    That is a very good point, and I fear it would not be good news.  We will just limp along until Ron decides he wants answers.  So far he can do what needs doing.  We were once told I could bring Ron to work and "prop him in a corner" and that would be fine, as long as the accounting report got filed every month, and he attended the yearly conference. 

I am not sure what the road ahead holds for me but I don't think it has roses and bubble baths.  So I will take care of Ron, take care of my cats (Isn't Spotty adorable?), do what is right by them.  Take care of myself as best I can. 

For now I will focus on Mama cat for tomorrow, I will be so happy to see her without her cone.