The rest of Sunday

I took a little nap with Biscuit, woke up with a headache.

I still had some energy from this morning, so I took an aspirin.  I talked to Ron, he asked if I had any problems with my order from Walmart.  I said not really, but they had substituted a bottle of baby aspirin for my regular dose adult aspirin.

But Ron gets blood clots.  He had at least 2 this year that I know of, the stroke in April and one in his leg.  He does not want to take the prescription, but perhaps he would take a baby aspirin every day.  It would be better than nothing.  We will see if he'll take it (literally).

I gathered the towels.  I had laid one out in the garage for Mama Cat, as a bed, she got it dirty but I don't believe ever used it.  Then I used another one mopping up the floor last night after my bottled water fell over.  I got that going, it should be done in about 20 minutes.

I also ran the dryer because I have 3 loads worth of clothes in there.  A load of sheets and 2 small loads of clothes.  I hung up my workout clothes, I always do, because heat damages elastic and nylon.

I talked Ron into eating a Hot Pocket "Have you eaten anything today?"  He is in the kitchen with it now, listening to the game.  He does the whole "Don't bother me" routine.

I remember when I first started working retail they gave me Sundays off, but that was when they had the football game.  Ron was so rude to me I requested to work Sundays (boss loved that!), that way I was out of the house and earning money while he worked Monday - Friday.  So I ignore him unless he hollers for me.

He treated Biscuit, Baby Girl, Mama cat, and Spot.  I already cleaned the litter box so yay me.  I have a bag of trash to take out later once the headache runs off.  I may need some caffeine for that.

All I need to do is finish the laundry, take out the trash, feed Cleo (out BACK), and set my alarm for tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be fairly busy with work first and then the doctor, but he made a trip on paratransit to come home from the doctor, so we won't be paying for a cab.

Arturo paid some bills off of us, last week!

Let me check on the towels.   They were done, I put the vinegar in for the rinse.  The vinegar gets a lot of suds out of the towels and cleans them up.  It also helps clean the washer.  The clothes in the dryer were done save one tshirt that got bunched up in a sheet.  I was surprised how fast the load dried.

My laundry room setup and the dryer configuration didn't really work, they told me I would have problems with it.  And it can be very sluggish on the dry cycle.  But this time it got it all at one cycle.  Ron likes his clothes hung up on the back of a chair, I do that.  I do pants, shirt, like that so it is easy to dress.

Ron is passed out in his wheelchair in the kitchen, I used the seatbelt to fasten him.  I put his half eaten hot pocket in the fridge.  That's all I could do.  He didn't drool on me as I fastened the seatbelt, something he often does that I find revolting.   He is snoring now, slumped over so far he would fall out of his chair without the seat belt.

Now, times like that have made me think "I can't leave him alone overnight".  But you know what, it is entirely controllable by his alcohol intake.  If he has a minor to moderate intake, he will be fine.  If he has an excessive intake paired with pain pills, he will have a problem.  I remember so much of 2011 and 12 was him getting disgustingly drunk every night and just horribly verbally abusive, it seemed like every night.

When he's sober Ron does a pretty good job of remembering who pushes his wheelchair and tends to him and the cats.  His drunk behavior has been less abusive to me, more abusive to himself.

But I am NOT staying home next month because "He might get drunk and into trouble"  It may just be the wakeup he needs.  I wish him well but he needs to stop abusing himself and he won't listen to me.  He won't even drink enough water, much less eat or take his vitamins.  No wonder he is in constant pain.

I might do that, tell him he has to take his vitamin before I give him the kratom.  I'll take opinions on that one.  The nice routine is not working, but I don't want to go full bitch mode either.

Ron is blocking access to most of the kitchen but I am not really hungry.  I put a protein shake in the freezer (none in the fridge), I will drink it in about an hour and take my pills.  It is important to get a lot of protein when you are working out and the shake agrees with my medication.

For some reason I cannot do chicken fingers.  I can do nuggets.  I can do patties.  But I cannot do the fingers, I get very queasy.  I do have chicken in the freezer if I wanted it but between the depression, the heat, and the chips eaten earlier all I want is a protein shake.  And maybe some more chips.

I still need to feed Cleo but I did most of my other chores.  I put my old, decaying, smoker out at the street last night and some hoarder took it.  It has big rust spots all over it and other damage.  They are welcome to it.  I did keep one of the "bowls" you put the charcoal into, I turned it upside down and made a little table for Cleo.

But I heard the #6 kids not long ago so I can see why she'd hide, plus workmen on the other side.  She'll come for food.  She is used to me feeding her.  Her little meows are so cute.

I just heard a clatter, Ron dropped something, probably his cell phone.  Those LG 450s are built like tanks, have taken SO much abuse from him.  It was his wireless headphones, he probably wanted to turn them off but no reasoning to do it, so he threw them on the floor.  I turned them off and put them around his neck.

I found another temporary hair color thing, but looking through the FAQ's was a deal killer.  You have to bleach your hair.  You don't rinse it out.  It messes up your shower, it comes off... no thanks.

I have a fair amount of gray in my brown hair, it looks like highlights, I think.  I like it.  If I did do my hair it would have to be "clean" (stays put) and not permanent.  I don't think that product exists.

I did enjoy my nap knowing I had fresh clean sheets.  Biscuit seemed to like it, he slept with me and, after dinner (prescription formula) he went back.

I don't like leaving Ron in the kitchen, in proximity to the bottle of vodka, but nothing I can do about that.  He can't get into bed like this

Caregiving and enabling get all tangled up for me.  What I would do if he were 100% able.  What I would tolerate.  What I do and tolerate now.  Very confused.  But I have never regretted my choice to stop buying him alcohol.

It's been a while since I told that story.  It was back around 2011, the year when he was just horrible to me almost every day, I came very close to leaving.

One day we had gone to run some errands and I helped him buy alcohol, we came home, he drank, got very drunk and extremely verbally abusive.  I was sitting on the side of my bed crying quietly (because I did not want to give him the satisfaction), kicking myself,  knowing he had got that ugly on "my" alcohol.  I resolved then I would never go through knowing that again - that I was done buying it.  He tried everything in his arsenal, including threatening to throw me out, but I stood firm and have never done it again.

Edit: Cleo was out front, did not want to go out back.  I put the food out back for her.  She is very stubborn, though, and was still on the porch when I went back in the house. 

Mama cat was nursing and grooming Spot like a newborn, when I came back in.   The vet says she is basically dry but he is still nursing. 

Ron is still passed out in his wheelchair.  I ate my dinner and took my pills.  I also talked to my parents for a while. 

Getting ready to go to bed.  Hopefully Ron won't wake me up when he sobers up to go to bed.