"This is why the house is a mess"

Last night, a lot of biological drama.  It found me standing in the bathroom, next to Ron, reading the directions on the suppositories aloud.  Happily I did not have to "help". 

They worked, eventually, Ron woke me up crowing about it.  We did not have any cleanup either.  So I didn't sleep well. 

BUT I had taken my shower last night so I just had to get out of bed, help him dress, dress myself, feed the cats, and out the door.  And I saw Cleo on the porch looking pitiful. 

I left Ron on the wheelchair lift slowly elevating, went back in the house, and got her a can of poultry something.  I went back to Ron.  And I realized [bad word] I wasn't wearing my badge and keys.  I went back to the house, startling a big gray tabby eating Cleo's food.  I chased it off but Cleo was long gone.  That explains why she is so hungry sometimes. 

And, just now, I had to chase Biscuit out of the Liver and Chicken dinner, so apparently I will have to stand over the cat as she eats, now.  Get rid of/store any leftovers so we don't have interlopers and those on special diets, breaking them to eat the forbidden food.  Sigh. 

I couldn't find them on my hook and then I realized I put them in my fanny pack the other day, I had them the whole time.  I tried to take them out but the two lanyards were tangled.  Well, crap.  I stuffed them back. 

Ron regaled the driver with tales of his constipation journey and a detailed account of his results, last night, from the suppository.  That poor driver.  I kept shutting him up but he really couldn't understand why. 

We got to the warehouse.  Ron took out a wad of money and held it in the air when my back was turned.  I turned back and saw all the bills, people staring, and I snatched it from him, scolding him.  I have talked to him dozens of times about counting/holding money in public.  People are animals.  If they will kill someone for forty cents what do you think they will do for a couple of $20's?!

I stomped off and did my shopping.  I did find some P3.  If you don't know what that is it is a compartmentalized snack, it has 3 compartments, one for sunflower seeds, one for salted nuts, and one for jerky.  I decided to give it a try.  I put it in the cart.  It was only a 6 pack. 

I paid and went over to Ron, he tried one and liked it.  I told him we would have to charge $1.30 for it.  We have a formula for it, we multiply the food cost by the rate and then we get our sales price.  If we don't do this we get in trouble, and we are, on occasion, required to submit our wholesale/retail prices to our management so they can verify we are doing things correctly. 

We talked a little.  I told him they have these things with cheese, maybe we could try one of them.  He said yes.  I still had change so I went and got a "Balanced Breaks".  It had 2 varieties, one is cashews + raisins and cheese, the other is nuts and cranberries + cheese.  Those have to go out at $1.50.  We will see how they do.  If nothing else they are a long-lived option for the customers.  We don't have to throw them out in a week like we do with cold food, the Balanced breaks are good for a couple of months.  The P3 is good for a month. 

I managed to untangle my lanyards, I was really happy about that. 

We got to work, unloaded, got going.  I put the new foods into the vending machines and set the prices (set prices first).  They look good and provide some nice variety. 

I remember several years ago I had a guy come to me demanding I sell low carb candy bars (rolleyes) because "He was diabetic and everyone would love them".  I said, there are a couple of issues: too much sugar free chocolate has a laxative effect.  I'm not doing that to the workers.  Two, I have done this, before, they were terrible sellers.  Three, you wouldn't want to pay what I'd have to charge.  Four, I don't think "any" sort of candy bars are a good option for a diabetic.  I then listed several naturally low carb items we had like nuts, trail mix, etc. if he was worried about impacting his blood sugar.  But, like the "I can only eat two freshly cooked scrambled eggs" lady when we had the deli, he wanted it "his way".  I said I was sorry but we would not be selling them, for the reasons I listed.  I told him I HAD done it in the past and we literally made $30 a month.  On the whole machine.  "Everyone" wanted a Snickers bar. 

But every now and then we get someone on a fringe diet who wants specialty snacks.  The last one was the Atkins guy who swore he drank several Sprite Zero's a week.  He did not.  I put in a six pack and it took months to move them all.  Then he got mad I didn't restock.  I lost a whole row of the vending machine to this.  I have anticipated the "healthy vending" folks may come along one day.  So I sell a lot of baked chips.  I have 6 kinds of granola bars.  I have trail mix.  I have almonds.  I have protein shakes.  I have turkey sandwiches on wheat bread.  And now I have P3.  So plenty of good choices in addition to the good old Hershey's and Snickers. 

I try to be preemptive.  We stocked for a while.  Ron did the water, then he went and did something else for a while.  He asked me to bring him bottled drinks.  I did.  Then he said "Let's stock the water".  I reminded him "You already did that". 

And he exploded.  Accused me of attacking him and insulting him, "saying he was stupid" etc.  He just got mortally offended. 

I told him I was NOT attacking him, if I was going to attack him he would know it.  He said "I'm not [limited]" 

"Sometimes you are!  See, now THAT'S an attack!" I replied.  I meant it.  Sometimes he stocks the drinks on the wrong row, $1.25 drinks on the $1 row, etc.  And I meant what I said, sometimes he is sharp, but other times he needs a lot of coaching.  He gets offended if I help, offended if I don't.  I need to be a clearer communicator, I am "talking too much".  I need to verify things with him, I need to shut up, and constantly taking offense at things that are not an attack at all.  It is exhausting.  He says I "am a bad communicator" - he doesn't hear what I am saying, even when I say it plainly.  Then he said "God only gave him a white woman because she was damaged goods"

So now he's calling me damaged goods.  He is lucky a woman of ANY race paid him a second glance, much less had sex with him or MARRIED him.  And I kept thinking about a vignette: Ron's sister came to me in the hospital.  I was walking down the hall to his room.  "You need to say you can't take care of Ron" she said "Then the doctors will have to place him in a nursing home". 

I became utterly outraged and swore I would never let him down.  I thought she was such an utter bitch - and I was standing there in our work area, in front of our vending machines, listening to him curse me and thinking WHY did I fight for him?  Why?  They were right, he's not worth it.  

I could have said this to Ron, it would have "cut" him - because I take pains to let him know I am signed on for whatever it takes and have no regrets, but at that moment I did.  And I utterly understood why she wanted it.    I just walked away and did other things until he hollered for me, then I did whatever it was without complaint. 

But if you are a patient you should never let your caregiver feel like I did.  It explains why so many people simply walk away.  Why some turn to abuse.  There was one woman in Houston.  Her mother was in an accident and became paralyzed from the neck down.  The woman moved her mother into the home with her husband.  She devoted herself to her mother.  And the husband said "Choose between me and your mother, you are too invested in her".  The woman chose her mother, he moved out.  And she killed her mother.  I can see the path - I'm not walking it but I can see how events/ongoing abuse can lead a person to dark places. 

The sad truth, if Ron had a 100% healing right now I would leave him.  And that is really sad. 

I put up a wall for the rest of the day, it's still up, you could say.  We had a little wait on our ride home but it was a nice driver.  It was a straight ride, too. 

We got home, #2 was out in force working on the house.  The tenants must have really trashed it.  I will say overall they were pretty quiet but they were fairly ignorant, they would have these loud - it is always the ignorant person who is loud - conversations in their driveway yelling conversation at each other.   No Cleo of course, she is terrified of the workers.   I will check on her in a couple of hours. 

Of course I have learned now that bully cat is stealing her supper, I will go out and stand over her while she eats so it doesn't happen again.  That other cat is clearly owned, but cats are opportunists.  If they can get another meal they will. 

Ron is worried it is a tom and will get Cleo pregnant.  I won't let that happen.  I am thinking of trapping her on Tuesday and sending her off for the spay, then bringing her in when she comes home. 

When we got home I found the cat tree, box clearly labeled "Cat Tree" all over - so no one's going to steal it.  I got it in the house.  It was a little heavy but I have been working out. 

I got it in and took it out of the box.  I told Ron I would mash up the box, he begged me to keep it.  I said "This is why the house is a mess" and put it in the garage.  I set it up (plenty of room) and put some treats in the apartments and some on the top shelf.  Mama cat sniffed it but wouldn't go inside, I even picked her up and tried to put her in - she squirmed away and I let her go.  Later on I found Torbie on top of the house looking very smug.  Sigh. 

Ron gave the cats some treats and I tried to take a nap, but I had a headache and too much caffeine.  I got up around 3. 

I decided to do something nice for myself and bought "Tiny but Mighty" the new Kitten Lady book.  It was only $14 with tax.  It comes tomorrow, apparently.  I still have the headache but not as bad.  Considering all the caffeine + Ron stress I am not surprised. 

I will have a chicken parm dinner.  The Lean Cuisine comfort food line is pretty good, at least the chicken parm.  I will heat up a Banquet Backyard BBQ meal for Ron, he is addicted to them.  I am glad I got a couple last time I went to Walmart. 

I do have a responsibility to take care of him even when he's a shithead.  That is the problem with caregiving.  And being a Christian, loving your enemies and all that. 

That's it for now.  If I get some good cat photos I will post them.