Sunday morning

 I got 8 hours of sleep but it feels like 2.  I am cold.  The heater works I just have a chill; I am running the space heater in the bathroom to warm it up before my shower.  My electric bill has been acceptable doing that.  

I have to figure a lot of my fatigue comes from my medication but I would never change it up; it works.  If my medication got me through last year without a major crisis then I know it works.  God of course gets the major credit but medication gets a minor.  

Frankly I think my doctor was impressed I did not have a breakdown when I told him I had found Ron dead and then laid off 2 days later.  But God is gracious and got me through all that to a job I can do, at a place I like to go, with good people.  I can still hand out the Driver candy just different drivers.  

(I put a small fleece throw in my lap and that helps a lot)  The cats are good.  I fed them last night so they are a little confused.  But they will be fine until tomorrow.  Baby Girl looks depressed, or tied, I can't tell but she is nearby.  She's a good little cat.  I think she has bouts of depression due to Ron.  Plus I am gone a lot more than I used to.  She is not a big cuddler unlike my other cats, but likes to be nearby.  I guess you could say the other cats their love language is giving gifts (treats), petting, and talking to them.  Baby Girl is Quality Time (my language) she likes to just be around.  So I enjoy her.  

I had a nice dinner last night, I think I told you I had bought the generic brand meat lover bteakfast bowl.  It was very good, especially with my added cheese.  I used to do that for Ron so he would get additional protein.  He didn't know I did that.  He used to call me a "food pusher" as I was always nagging him to eat.  I just wanted him to get 50 grams or better of protein every day but he made it very difficult.  IN spite of that he still looked OK when the coroner got to him.  

I am sure glad I did not see Ron after the autopsy.  I never wanted to remember him like that.  And they were very extensive to say the least, the report was 12 pages I believe.  What a shock to find out he had Alzheimer's but not a surprise when I thought of it.  And who would have thought survivors of severe head injury were so prone to it?  I thought once you were over the head injury you were done with it.  Apparently not!  

Of COURSE the drinking did not help but I think this would have happened anyway; and he did have a "very severe" (rated) head injury of 3 weeks in a coma, memory loss from before the accident, etc.  I am just glad I got him back for 18 years before I lost him again; we had unfinished business.  

At the time of the accident he was a verbally abusive cheat.  He fixed that by the time he died.  (Biscuit has gotten up next to Baby Girl on the couch).  He did want to be a better man, he could never shake the alcohol though.  

I alcohol abuse simply sin?  Or is it a bona fide medical problem?  I don't know, Ron sure wanted to drink which makes me think it was mostly the first.  I am absolutely certain he could have beaten alcohol if he had ever taken stock and really WANTED to change.  But he never did, he was happiest at the bottom of one of his cheap plastic vodka bottles.  I had so much to pour out after he died...I would have just had my aunt drive around and given it to a wino if I had felt it wouldn't open us up to legal liability.  Instead it made a rather pricey drain cleaner.  

Speaking of drains I need to take my shower.   Done.  Tomorrow I plan to clean out my shower enclosure it gets zero stars to say the least.  Change out the liner if I can.  We will see.  

I did an inventory of my pantry last night, and this morning I did an inventory of my female supplies and I am OK for a while.  I do need bread, eggs, drink mix.  

That's it for now I need to go do my Bible study.