Monday

 I took a nap for a while; feel a little better but still battling depression today.  

I have a theory about #6.  He has so many kids he likely gets a huge tax refund every year.  So, every year, when he gets his refund he spends it on home improvements.  NOTHING wrong with that except for the noise!   Today it is pressure washing from a guy who has "Painting" written on the back of his truck.  So odds are he is going to paint shortly.  Hopefully Thursday and Friday when I am at work.  Ah, now hammering as well.  [sigh]  

And I am a HYPOCRITE because my guys made PLENTY of noise when they were fixing up Ron's room.  I admit it; no getting around that.  I will just have to live with that.  

I don't want to do any more cleaning so I am going to stop for a while.  I am a little nervous about my shower curtain.  

Some backstory: there is nothing I hate more than a shower curtain rod falling down in the middle of my shower, and it happened a lot.  I got a new rod and it was OK for a while but then it would fall down again.  And yes, I did the twist thing.  I HATED that.  

Every now and then, when we were making some money, Ron would want to get me a gift "Can I get you anything?"  Sometimes I would say no, sometimes yes.  The last gift he got me, actually, was a set of battery operated lanterns that came in handy during the ice storm.  But, we were making a little money at this point, so I said "Yes, hire Greg to come out and mount the shower curtain rod to the wall so it will NEVER fall again."  I was probably wet, soapy, irate, and dripping at this point.  He said OK and got the phone.  A few days later Greg came out and used closet brackets to hold the shower curtain up.  It has never fallen.  I can hang a wet bedspread on it.  It never falls down during my shower.  But it is a little higher than a standard shower curtain rod.  

The curtain seems a little short (I installed the new one today).  I will see during my shower, I may be worrying for nothing.  I got the shower enclosure about 1/3 done.  I got the worst part with the cleaner with bleach.  The limescale cleaner is working on the soap scum, but not quickly.  I will have to make several more passes with it.  I also got some Comet with bleach cleaner I can try in the bottom of the shower.  

I don't think I can accurately convey just how bad it was in there.  But I have been pretty blind to it over the last year.  I am working on it now.  I mean, I got clean in there.  It just looked terrible.  

I won't say how I am going to use the pine based cleanser except to say in the toilet.  I have a whole arsenal of budget cleaning products.  I am getting tired just writing about cleaning so that's that.  

It was supposed to rain today, but it is sunny out.  My cell phone said this evening.  I am glad I went out even though I just got cleanser and candy to hand out.  

I was just staring in the fridge thinking about dinner.  It reminded me of the old joke: I don't have food, I have ingredients.  Not feeling the turkey leg, which is good for another month, by the way.  I think I will just have a pot pie and maybe a protein shake later.  I need to do some cooking one day this week and make some more stuff I can take to work.  It's not a brutal work week coming up, just 5 days (sometimes they have me do 6), two longer nights and 3 short days.  I have components to make lunches already.  I will do that one day coming up but not tonight.  

I need to do laundry.  I have found it best to put a flat sheet on top of my bedding in case the cats throw up.  And they did.  I have been wearing these sweatpants a few days now could probably stand to throw them in there too.  I actually don't mind doing laundry.  When Ron got the place I moved into the landlord said we could use their washer (they lived upstairs).  Instead after I moved in he said "You've got Heather now" and refused.  So we had to bag our clothes, go a mile to the bus stop, ride up to the laundromat, walk half a mile from that bus stop to the facility, go in, do our clothes, do the whole thing in reverse every single week.  Until we got our second place a year later (downstairs laundry facility).  I was overjoyed when Ron bought me the washer and dryer back in 2001.  So it is EASY to do laundry now compared to how I started out.  

I hope I will always be grateful.  I am not much into sweatshirts, except one day last year when I got caught in a cold front deluge on my way to work one day and bought one off the shelf, wore it all night.  But we had one on clearance that my aunt bought: "Everyday Grateful" apparently no one felt that way because they all ended up on clearance, but my aunt feels that way and I hope I do too.  

I am profoundly grateful for the time I spent with Ron.  Even the bad times taught me to grow a spine.  Hopefully the good times will keep me going as long as I'm here, or meet someone else.  I am not in a hurry to pair up, though.  Relationships are a lot of work.  

For instance, the house.  I am in total control of everything that happens in the house and I like it that way.  Any man is going to want to change some details, probably yell at me about my housekeeping, etc.  So not in a hurry for that.  Not to mention he could be a pouter, silent treatment person, rage issues, moody, etc.  I have dealt with all of that and it wasn't fun.  Or, God Forbid, he's a drinker.  

When we met Ron told me he had "a problem" with binge drinking and had had some blackouts.  I was 17, brain damage, did not see the HUGE RED FLAGS in those statements.  "Don't worry" Ron swore, "I learned my lesson, I don't drink at all".  

So I move in months later and he says lets go to the liquor store.  The first time I was OK with it because I had never had alcohol before.  Then he wanted to go again, "Oh I had a problem but I'm fine now, see I already drank some and didn't have a problem" an argument I would hear AGAIN AND AGAIN the next 29 years.  So I worry about that.  

Or a smoker, UGH.   

Anyway I had my phone call with my parents.  Baby Girl laid in my lap purring sweetly the whole time, so I gave her a can of wet food when I finished.  Baby Girl has not been very cuddly with me the last 10 years.  I don't blame her, I was a little grabby with her when we first got her.  So I like to reward desirable behavior.  She's a good cat, working her way through Ron's illness and death.  She really pulled back with him as he declined, she couldn't understand his mind was going.  But she has decided I'm OK now.  

That's pretty cute.