Was it the garlic?

 The other day I made a pork roast with coca cola, a garlic clove, and a couple whole peppercorns.  I am allergic to garlic but figured I would be OK if I didn't eat the clove.  I ate some last night.  Yesterday I began the process of cutting out the aspartame.  Today I woke up with a migraine.  Was it the garlic?  Was it the aspartame?  I had a couple of Diet Dews trying to beat this.  I had planned to take one of the pork roast portions for my dinner tonight but rethinking that now.  The meat only cost me a dollar or two.  I would rather get rid of it if it's going to cause a problem.  I need to think on this.  

If it was the garlic I had no idea I was this sensitive.  I used to love garlic.  UGH.  

Last night my parents couldn't talk.  Something else came up and by the time they finished that they didn't want to talk anymore.  Their right.  My aunt has presumably moved into her new place, I was hoping for a text but I guess she got busy.  Correction my aunt texted me, they got there OK.  Good.  It is going to be a while settling in.  I know the daughters in law are delighted to have them available for baby sitting.  

The cats are good, some of them slept with me.  Cleo in particular loves to get up on top of me in bed.  She will not get in my lap and seldom comes to me for petting, but once I lie down she is the cutest little cuddle bug.  Biscuit was quite concerned about his breakfast.  I kept getting up, trying things for the headache, and going back to bed so he was a little agitated until I fed him.  

It's been my experience, if I get a cat who has starved they are always obsessed with food, getting it, keeping it, Spotty was even food aggressive for a while.  If Cleo came near him while he was eating he would attack her.  And Spotty's a very mellow boy.  Biscuit and his brother were dumped in the woods near my house, to starve.  Cleo and Spotty were half feral, living on the streets, when they showed up at my door.  Baby Girl was dumped at our house but was only hungry for a few hours, so is less worried about all of that.  I always have plenty of food for them.  They're good cats.  

I do wonder why Baby Girl won't come in my room.  Biscuit has been going in Ron's room and sleeping on the bed, I've seen him.  He looks good up there with all the teal.  

I am really glad I took my shower last night.  I just don't feel well.  I used to have to fill out a health survey for work every day and did I have a headache?  Did I feel unwell?  Sometimes I just shook my head at all that.  We have a point system at work, we get a point for every day we call in, and double points holidays and weekends.  So when I called in back in November I got 2 points for the migraine.  And I am only allowed 5 points in a 6 month period.  Not only that if I call in tonight I lose $72.  I cannot afford to lose $72.  So I will make it work.  My one co worker stopped wearing so much perfume.  I should be OK unless I get a lot of customers who are smokers.  I can smell that a mile off.  Ugh.  

Ron had been a light smoker in the 80's (they found some junk in his lungs from that, I think) but quit and always detested smokers after that.  He had a lot to say about them.  

The Walmart employees used to come out front and smoke in front of the store, some years back, while Ron and I would be waiting on our ride.  Ron would complain bitterly, I would tell him to lay off.  'If I worked here 😂  I would be smoking CRACK!" and the employee would always laugh and move away.  And now I work there.  

I am really debating do I get rid of the garlic pork roast?  Chalk it up to getting off the aspartame?  I am pretty sure I am going to do a hamburger for dinner tonight, though.  I don't want to take a chance of another migraine.  

So that's my day so far.  

Wednesday afternoon

 I like heavy covers.  I always have.  And I hog the covers as Ron found out (more than one reason we slept separately).  Anyway I can hog away now.  

But I had 3 blankets, a quilt, and two top sheets on the bed.  I stripped it this morning (most of it) and washed the sheets.  Actually I had 4 blankets.  Two blankets went out in the garage and then quilt, blanket, blanket each got their own load of laundry.  It was funny on the last load.  I ran a soak cycle on it first to make sure I got all the dirt and odors.  It soaks for an hour and then drains, and it's loud when it drains, makes a very loud BANG when it does.  

So I had just taken a blanket out of the dryer.  I put it on top of the washer and as soon as I released it BANG!  Then the washer started draining!  It scared me to death and then I started laughing.  I thought I broke it.  

I got the pillow cases off all the pillows.  I have more than a few.  And taking the fitted sheet off the bed Spotty jumps up and sits smack in the middle of them.  So the bed isn't made.  But that is OK because it's only 4 PM.  

Still battling depression but it is at least a nice day.  So I'm enjoying the sun.  It should be nice for my work week (Thurs-Monday).  I just need to get some cash to pay for my rides home.  I didn't want to go to the bank today, though.  I can go before work tomorrow.  I also need to transfer the money to my "escrow" account like I mentioned.  

I am thirsty and wondering what to make.  I may make a decaf coffee that sounds good.  That's it for now.  

Nix on the aspartame

 I was doing OK when I got up but pretty depressed after a couple Diet Dews.  I did some research, a Dr Yee (or Hee) had several articles on NCBI (legit site) talking about aspartame being bad for brain function.  He wasn't selling anything.  And that got me thinking I am willing to give up aspartame if it means I have better mood, and appetite, control.  So I threw out all the drink mix.  

I only have the six pack of diet dew which I will drink one bottle before work, at work, to save on the vending machine and checkout stand.  We will see how that goes.  But I just decided "I'm not going to drink all this up, I'm just going to toss it" and I did so.  

So it will be water, tea, or coffee.  I should probably get out my detox tea to help with the process.  I expect to lose some weight out of this.  I still plan to keep my caffeine down to about 200 mg a day max.  I used to throw that out the window when I would go out with my aunt but now I don't have her around.  So I can regulate better.  

That's how I'm choosing to view this.  

So hopefully my mood will improve, my appetite better controlled, and maybe even some weight loss.  We will see; I've been talking about this for a while.  I drank lots of water growing up I was just fine.  If I do lose weight I have smaller sizes so I don't have to rush out.  

I am still waiting on the new glasses.  I will take a cab to go get them most likely.  He can run the meter while I get them fitted and then ran back.  Or my aunt said maybe a friend of hers can help.  We'll see.  

The trash pickup came and took away the garbage, waiting on the recycles.  The rain front came through and it was interesting.  We get these weather fronts with a burst of severe weather (which is what got the neighbor's tree that almost fell on my house a few years back), and then lovely weather the rest of the day.  That's what we have now.  

So I am drinking a glass of water and going to see how that goes.  I am guessing I am probably physically addicted to the aspartame and there will be a weaning period.  If I'd been smart I would have done all this Sunday and had 3 days but too late now.  

Oh, and I found the fragrant blanket and got it in the washer with a couple of Tide PODS and some baking soda.  

Wednesday morning

 I slept OK.  I woke up once, very thirsty, got a glass of water and went back to bed.  I guess I need to go back to having the water bottle by my bed.  I forget the allergy pill makes me thirsty.  

I woke up around 4 AM with a headache.  I ate a lemon pie, had a Dew, and took some Excedrin, laid down again.  Biscuit and Cleo joined me.  I rested for a while until I felt better, told the cats I needed to move.  Biscuit moved, Cleo did not, so I had to move her.  She's a very stubborn little girl.  

I have started calling her "My favorite calico" as she is the only calico in the house.  Baby Girl is a brown tabby, Biscuit and Spotty are bicolor.  She seems to like it.  Speaking of Spotty he is meowing in the other room.  

I checked my email.  I got paid, a little over $500.  I "need" to make a Chewy order but other than that utilities are covered for now, cell phone is paid, groceries are purchased.  So when I can I will be putting $250 into my "taxes and insurance" fund for the house.  Just because I own it does not make it free, and the value went up significantly which means my taxes will as well.  It's not free, not by a long shot.  It is less, but not free.  

The mortgage was about $500 so I would not have been able to keep the house if Ron didn't have the insurance.  And my aunt didn't work so hard to get the insurance to pay up.  Anyway, I need to do that.  I also need to figure out rides.  

3 rides I have to do: Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday morning.  Friday night I leave at 10 and am due back at work 12 hours later.  I can't get much sleep even with a ride and it was nearly impossible without one.  And that was when I started later.  So I "have" to do those.  I would "like" a ride Monday afternoon so I can do my shopping after work and take that (cat litter, etc) home.  We will see how that all works out.  I work Monday next week but the week after I have 3 days off in a row again.  I suppose sales are down.  

So the roasted chickpeas were implicated in a headache.  I will have some more Monday and see if I get a headache Tuesday.  My aunt has many exterior factors, like bright sun and strong smells, that go into her headaches.  Me it is almost entirely what I put in my mouth!  

I need to organize the kitchen today, and also do some laundry.  My bedding is getting fragrant I can't figure out which blanket it is.  I am going to strip everything off and wash it (which I did, not long ago).  I suspect it is the wool blanket.  I had probably better get started on that now.  

That's it for now.  

The last I'll see them in a while

 So my aunt and uncle came out for a goodbye visit before they leave tomorrow.  We ran a few errands.  I wanted more slow cooker liners; they have worked very well for me and I plan to slow cook more meats in the future, so better to have a pack now.  Then we went to the import store.  

When I went yesterday they had some "roasted chickpeas".  Sounded good but can I just eat them?  Are they meant for cooking?  I didn't know.  I did some research when I got home.  They are apparently very yummy.  So I went back today and got a kilo.  We will see how they turn out.  

Then we went to lunch at the taqueria.  It is going to be a while before I make it back there.  We stopped by the panderia (Mexican bakery), which my aunt and I always did every week.  Pastries are only eighty cents each.  She got her concha and I got a few things because it's going to be months before I get back.  

Last stop Food town.  I got a few lemon pies and verified that yes, the meat prices are astoundingly low.  I plan to call Jack (who lives nearby) for a ride on my day off once or twice a month to do a meat run.  I will still come out ahead even paying for the ride because the prices really are that good, and the meat is very good quality.  Glad I have figured that out.  

One thing I like; they have smaller portions of meat.  I am only one person with a small freezer, I can't eat 10 pork chops.  

Then we came home and hung out.  My uncle sat on the couch and Baby Girl got up next to him for petting.  They had a good time.  My aunt sat in my computer chair (turned around to face the room) and I sat in "my" chair.  Baby Girl had a really good time hanging out with my uncle.  He is the kind of person good with animals and kids.  He's the one who did our wills.  

My aunt (not a cat lover) even petted Baby Girl, because she was so cute, and purring.  Who can resist a purring Baby Girl?  No one!  So Baby Girl got even more attention which was great.  She won't be seeing them for a while.  

While all this was going on the truck full of belongings was hundreds of miles away headed to their new home.  They live (now) close to 3 of their boys, so the daughters in law were able to get the delivery of household goods and get them all set up.  So all the big stuff is in place and then they just have to open up all the boxes and put them away.  So that's good.  I really think the move is going to be a good thing for them to have more family support.  

I mean, something happens, they get sick, what can I do?  Not much.  I could send them food and Amazon but that's about it.  Now they have 5 adults at the ready to help them, one of them living with them.  All of the 5 can drive and are making money.  So I'm glad they have that.  And of course they are very well loved, the boys, daughters in law, and grandkids.  

I won't have my 'visit" every week.  But I will make it.  I can still call them and text.  Do zoom even when I figure that out (I have zoom on my tablet).  I can get stuff at work, pay for rides to Foodtown, etc.  I have Amazon prime as well.  So I am not worried about "getting" anything.  

I am glad that Torbie died while my aunt was still in town to help with that.  It is a lot harder than I would have thought to dig a grave.  But I still have the shovel and I know "how" to do it know if something happens.  

I am one of those worst-case people.  So I am happy for them going, sorry for myself.  Wondering who else God is going to take out of my life.  I have lost Ron, my cat, my aunt and uncle.  Not really lost them but lost a lot of important contact.  

HAPPY for them don't doubt that one bit.  But I wonder if the depression is coming and how bad.  God, I hope she doesn't read this.  I really need to figure out Zoom calls.  

I have been eating "whatever" this week but once all the treats are gone, I am not buying any more aspartame drink mix.  I am only buying one six pack of diet Dew a week, and drinking ONE of them before work on the days I do work.  I am not buying anything with wheat in it, and eating FAR more things I cook, without additives, flavor enhancers, and preservatives.  And I am VERY curious to see where that takes me.  

No more trips to the bakery... no easy rides to Walmart, means I can't buy CRAP.  

On an unrelated note I bit the side of my tongue and it has been very painful.  And I keep biting it.  So it's the sore that will not heal.  I will be glad when that does heal up.  I never realized how much I move my tongue around and even talking hurts.  

The cats: Cleo hid, of course.  She acts fear-al around "strangers", even if they have been by dozens of times.  Biscuit came out but not for petting.  Spotty was in the front room when we came home but didn't run away as fast as he could.  And Baby Girl was my ambassador.

The neighbors put a tiny bag of trash in my can last night.  I am OK with that.  I am learning to pick my battles.  

But everyone I told about the can situation has been like "Oh, NO"  It is pretty funny.  Everyone is territorial when it comes to their trash can.  

I was just happy I had room for my regular trash, cleaning out the kitchen, food prep trash (meat wrappers and such), cat litter, etc.  They can have what is left.  I am alright with that, really.  

I plan to try a few chickpeas tonight and make sure they are not a migraine trigger (off tomorrow).  But I am not very hungry after my cheese quesadilla.  

That's it for now.  

Edit: chickpeas are not bad but I bit myself a couple more times, eating them.  

I got a letter from the HOA.

 I got a letter about my fence from the HOA a month ago.  I ignored it.  Then I got another letter.  So I have to fix my fence, not a big job I think but it won't be free.  

I did a little hunting on Google, but they either have bad reviews or REALLY nice fences I cannot afford.  I just need something basic.  I will ask on Nextdoor tomorrow.  Mention I am a widow who works at Walmart just so we are VERY clear on my budget.  

Who knows I might meet my next husband, doing this.  But I would rather not have to fix it.  Which is why they have an HOA so I don't drag the neighborhood into the gutter.  

One thing that astounds me, someone offered to paint my house about 10 years ago.  My house is a lurid orange.  Like, Halloween orange.  So I sent in a paint chip with a request form and sent it off.  I had picked out a lovely sky blue.  They sent me a letter back saying NO.  They wanted brown or gray.  I didn't want brown or gray so we dropped the whole house painting thing.  

Eventually I will paint it gray.  But the HOA would rather have the orange than the blue.  Even though other houses in the neighborhood, small houses like mine, are pastel colored.  I guess they don't have a paint police.  I don't pretend to understand.  

Like I said it is probably a good idea I have an HOA to keep me from being that house.  The crazy widowed cat lady...

So I have shared Ron's theory about earthquake victims.  That some people in life have bad things happen to them, things they can't help, to give others an opportunity to help.  And unfortunately Ron and I were it.  I felt like we were always having to ask for help.  

I am proud.  That is not a good thing.  I am working on it.  So I will need to ask for help, again.  I just hate to raid the savings.  New glasses I was OK on that.  But I just hate to tap the savings.  

On another note I am OK with the trash can situation.  They put a very small bag last night I hardly noticed it.  

When I got up I deboned my pork roast and bagged it up with some rice.  Now I have some meals.  Then I put the next pork roast in the crock pot.  I don't have room in the freezer, I am going to have to eat the next one without freezing it.  I did get rid of the skimmed off fat and bone, gristle, stuff like that in my trash can and there was plenty of room.  

I also cleaned all the litter boxes (after handling the food, not before) because I didn't want to have a dirty box around my aunt and uncle.  They are wrapping up things with the Houston house today and then picking me up to go out for a while.  

That should be fun.  

I don't know how I will cope once they leave town, my faith will hold me, I can call or text anytime.  But it's a loss.  

So I tried the pork roast

 It is pretty good, has a nice flavor but not overwhelming.  I can definitely eat it all.  The broth looks really good, too.  I plan to spoon that over rice.  

Plan is tomorrow make a pot of rice, dish up some portions in plastic bags, debone the meat, spoon the broth over it, and then freeze it.  Take a bag out and eat it.  Sounds good.  

I am not sure when I will cook the rest of the pork, but I will.  I see my aunt and uncle tomorrow so will be occupied for a fair amount of the day.  That's it for now.  

Hopefully I am becoming a better person and not just a doormat

 So I have had some real characters next door.  The hoarder with the barkappotamous, who brought the rat infestation probably being the worst.  SO happy to see HIM go.  

The current batch comprise the owner's 20 something daughter and some friends/roommates and maybe a boyfriend or two in the mix.  One of the first things they did was install security lighting so bright I no longer need to worry about my own home.  

Overall they have their benefits: quiet, quiet, quiet.  You would never guess you have a "passel" of people living there.  Except for the cars everywhere.  They were respectful about not parking in front of the house "much" before Ron died.  After he died I grabbed one of them and said it was OK to park in front of my house now.  So they do, which is fine, because it always looks like I'm home.  

They are quiet and don't bitch about the cats.  I have seen them with the cats, the cats go on their property sometimes.  One is cat friendly and talks to them, the rest just ignore the cats.  So they are not hostile to my babies, that is also huge.  

But there are so many of them they fill up their trash can halfway through the week.  Then they start tossing the surplus in my can, which is usually pretty empty as there's only me now.  I find that upsetting.  

I complained about this a few weeks ago.  And there is always going to be some neighbor thing I accept that.  One week I put my can in my backyard and they couldn't do that, but it was a big hassle for me, especially as it rained a lot that week and I have to go around the side.  

My backdoor is not really available for a couple reasons.  I can get out in an emergency but I have the cat door panel up there and it is not airtight, so I stuffed the cracks.  If I open the back door I lose all that so I don't open the door.  So it was a BIG hassle and not something I want to repeat.  

So I have decided, for now, I will let them do it.  Trash comes on Wednesday so it's only 2 days.  Even throwing away my expired cup of noodles today, I still have plenty of room.  They ARE quiet.  They DON'T hate the cats.  That is huge in my book and worth a little bending over.  

Monday noon

 So I went out and rode the bus to the import store.  The weather was lovely.  

I wore my new jeans.  They are a skinny cut.  Generally I am not wild about skinny cut but they make my legs look great.  So I am a fan of skinny cut now.  

I was thinking about my favorite pair of teenage jeans, they were a skinny cut black denim with a zipper on the calf, skintight.  I loved those jeans.  These remind me of them.  

So I got to the import store which is halal with all that means.  I wondered what they would think of my pork roast.  I found the spices section pretty easily.  I had lots of choices.  I found it funny they had 4 feet of shelf space just for various types of chili powder.  I got a Madras curry and a Garam Masala.  7 ounces each or 200 grams.  Then I saw the ground mustard so I got that.  

I used to make Ron honey mustard beans.  He used to love them.  They were good so why not make that with my lentils?  7 ounces of the spice were about $3.  Then I got a bag of "dry samosa" snacks.  I love Samosa.  (It was pretty good when I got home and I got a huge bag for $2.49).  Everything came to less than $11.  

I came back home.  I did the long, safe, way on the bus.  It was a nice day so I didn't mind waiting.  When I got home I tried ONE samosa.  I am about to take a nap.  If I make it to tomorrow with no headache I will try more.  But they are very flavorful.  

Speaking of flavor my pork roast smells divine.  

2 pound pork loin

1/2 sweet potato, diced.  

2T sliced ginger

3 whole cloves

2 inch stick cinnamon 

1/8 t salt dissolved in 1/2 c chicken broth.  

Put in crock pot (use cooking bag), sprinkle a pinch of red pepper flakes over meat, set on low, cook several hours.  

We will see how it turns out but it SMELLS good and that is a lot of it.  

Edit: it came out great!

I'm going to take my nap.  

Monday morning

 Ooh, that was unpleasant.  

I slept OK only woke up once.  Got up around 7 and started my meal prep.  I had a pork roast about 4 pounds, plan was to cut in half and then put one half in the crock pot, set the other half to start marinating to cook tomorrow.  

DID NOT know a "pork loin roast" has a big bone in it.  At least mine did, on the underneath side.  So I had a little tricky cutting to get two halves out of that.  But I got the big half in the crock pot with some sweet potatoes, red pepper flakes, chicken broth, ginger, cinnamon, and cloves.  I also added a little salt to the chicken broth (about 1/8 t).  It just fits so that is good and the crock pot is already warm.  I will take it off the heat around 5 and eat it around 6.  Hopefully it works out.  

I took the second half and put it in a freezer bag to marinate with some coca cola, a garlic clove (which I peeled), a splash of liquid smoke, and a few whole peppercorns.  I washed my hands after peeling the garlic but my hands still reek.  So all done, did most of the dishes (more hand washing) and ate a banana, but as I got my hand close to my face all I could smell and taste was garlic.  And that's a bad pairing with banana!  Ugh.  

The cats are good.  I miss Torbie sleeping with me, one thing I regret, a night or so before she died she was sleeping in the middle of my bed, I had to go to sleep and I moved her.  She wasn't happy.  I should have just slept in Ron's room.  But it's not like I knew.  

And someone just went in the cabinet under the sink.  My boys LOVE it under there.  That is fine I want them comfortable.  Let me go see who it is.  

It's Biscuit!  If I ever redid the cabinets (they hold my food and dishes so fine with them now) I would have them cut a hole so Biscuit and Spotty could still get in their spot.  I would take out the dishwasher as I never use it and put another cabinet in the space as I can use the storage.  New counters I picked one out, it was a fake granite composite I liked, but I have so much junk on the counters you can't see it anyway.  And the counters are fine except for some marks when someone used a butcher knife to chop something right on the counter.  But I've been living with that for 18 years.  

Went to the bathroom, had Cleo come visit but she was scared of the toilet paper.  I will make a housecat out of her yet.  Poor little nut.  It must be awful being so scared all the time.  But she is happy and loves petting, and sleeping with me.  I just wait for her to approach me for petting.  She is worth a little trouble.  Not to mention she is so nice to look at.  Washed my hands again and I still smell like garlic.  I plan to take the clove out of the food when it finishes cooking.  

Ron always used to get the garlic clove when I would make a roast, he would spit it out.  

It looks like a nice day so I am going to get going.  I plan to go to the import grocery store today.  I still need to figure out what I am going to do with those drumsticks.  

Well I made it

 Work was pretty busy.  I had to stay a little over but they paid me for it.  Between yesterday and today that's an extra $4 in my pocket!  

I did my shop after work.  I didn't get much as I have insane meat (sounds like a punk rock band) in my fridge and freezer.  I did get some canned meat (the pulled pork in the 12 ounce can, so good!), and some canned vegetables.  

I grew up mainly eating plain iceberg lettuce salads and canned vegetables.  So I like canned veggies.  I think fresh green beans taste funny.  Anyway I love mixed vegetables but I don't like potatoes in them, or celery.  Walmart carries one variety "Mixed Vegetable Medley" that I hated because it has both.  But they had a "Mixed Vegetables" and I looked at the label, exactly what I wanted, corn, green beans, carrots, lima beans, and peas.  And nothing I didn't want.  I got some.  That will be great.  I just need to figure out where I'm going to put it.  

I didn't get much else, I did get a pint of ice cream for my dinner.  Tonight I plan to relax and then work on the cooking, cleaning, etc. tomorrow.  I will likely see my aunt Tuesday.  

And there's Baby Girl on the couch next to me.  She is not one of those get on me in bed, get in my lap, rub against me in any way type cats but she always meets me at the door and is always near me when I'm on the computer.  I find it endearing.  But if you're looking for another Torbie (always in my lap) she's not it.  

But that's fine.  I always let my cats be themselves.  I love them for who they are.  The only real problem I had was Mr Gray.  AKA Turtle.  He was a very timid cat except at night, when he would mount my foot and make sweet, sweet, love to the blanket every night.  That's about the only behavior I couldn't tolerate.  Mainly because it was so constant.  We had a female cat come our way who went into heat and he was in Heaven.  It was a XXX cat porno special they had sex everywhere in the house, on my pillow, by the toilet, the kitchen table.  It was funny the first time or two but it took a couple days to get her into the vet and it got very, very, old.  We got her fixed and she began beating him up every time he approached.  He didn't handle that well.  He was also my first FLUTD cat.  

So I think she is doing as well as can be expected, losing her owner, losing her companion, I am gone a lot more for work...she's a good cat.  When it looked like I might lose the house last year she was on my short list of the cats I would take to the apartment.  The other cats are doing well too but it's Baby Girl who meets me at the door every day.  I notice that.  

So tomorrow I whack the pork roast in half and cook one half with the plantains, sweet potato, ginger, cloves, red pepper, cinnamon.  The second half does coca cola, apple cider vinegar, liquid smoke, and garlic.  

I have yet to figure out what I am doing with the chicken legs.  Maybe curry?  Soup?  BBQ in my toaster oven?  I could do a little of each I guess, I have a lot.  Two and a half pounds?  What was I thinking?  I will have to figure that out.   

At least I got the wash part of the laundry done with.  I think I am going to go to bed early tonight.  

Sunday

 I went to bed early, only woke up once, but exhausted.  I get tired of this.  Some of that could be my allergy pill but tree pollen levels (I am allergic) are exceptionally high.  A couple years ago no one cared if I had "the hack" (Ron's term), a dry, allergic, cough, but today is a different matter.  

My mood is OK considering.  I don't want to go to work but who does at 6 AM on a weekend?  My neighbors were quiet and I did sleep OK.  

My aunt has said she wants to see me before she leaves Wednesday.  So we will see when she can work me in, if she can.  Moving a whole household is a big deal.  I am very happy for her, though.  

The cats are good.  They ate most of what I gave them last night so I will give them some more before I leave.  And I need to remember to bring the debit card.  I plan to do a small amount of shopping after work.  Not long though.  

Tomorrow I go to the import store to look at spices, specifically garam masala.  That should only be a few dollars.  I also start cooking that pork roast.  I hope it turns out OK.  I need to check my bag inventory though.  Freezer bags and such.   Looks OK.  

I have my shower done, got dressed.  Fed the cats.  I feed them at night but last night I had a cup and a half in the bag that was open, I put that down, but they needed 2 cups total.  They ate all of it last night so this morning I put another cup.  Could be I have another cat coming by for snacks, through the cat door.  The cats seem good.  

That's it for now.  More after I get home from work.  

Saturday

I didn't get much sleep as expected.  I also woke up at 4 AM raring to go.  I went back to sleep and got up at 6-7 AM somewhere in there.  

I went to work, picked up a sweet potato before I started, did my worker bee thing.   I went out the bus stop and the homeless guy with the "give" sign was out there.  

I don't think he is actually homeless, he was very clean, clean hair, clean, new clothes, etc.  He was wearing Wranglers as well which are $40 as opposed to some of our $10 men's jeans.  So he is not broke, nor homeless.  He was very determined to make some money.  

I was sitting on the bus bench with my bag, wearing my civilian outfit with my vest put away.  A carload of women pulled up.  They gave him food and money, tried to give me food and money.  I said "I am OK I actually work at the Walmart".  He scoffed.  

I guess he doesn't like Worker Bees.  On further reflection, and on talking to my aunt, I have decided to wear my work vest riding from that bus stop to the house.  It will prevent assumptions I am homeless by passers by and more importantly the bus driver.  Bus drivers don't want to pick up homeless people.  So on my way home from now on I will wear my vest.  I can take it off on the first bus and put it away.  It's a long ride, that first bus, so plenty of time to do that.  

I got to the transit center and boarded my next bus.  The bus driver said "You always take good care of me" which I thought was a very sweet thing.  I got off at the grocery store.  

I wanted ginger root, the actual tuber..and my store did not have that, or cinnamon sticks.  So I went in and got both, a head of garlic (yes I am allergic but I think I can throw a clove in the crock pot), some pasta, and a nice amount of uncured cooked ham.  I talked to my aunt for a while.  

My phone was doing bizarre things like dialing my boss and trying to add contacts while I spoke with her.  I need to fix that.  Maybe I need a Bluetooth.  I have a lot of problems if I move around when I am on the phone.  Other than that it is a good phone.  I may look for a bluetooth.  

I went out, waited on the bus.  Not happy with myself because I had forgotten to bring my reusable tote bags and had the cheap store bags on my arm.  But I got home OK, another nice bus driver.  Kind of a long walk from the bus stop and I did not get a lot of very heavy stuff.  

Sometime next week I need to go to the import store and get some garam masala but I think I am done for now on groceries.  

Saturday morning

 Well I got through the long days at work.  That said a weekend day at Walmart is like dog years.  My boss did ask me to stay a little late on the weekends.  I won't go over 40 hours (laugh) if I do that.  I don't like rushing to catch that 2:10 bus anyway so I can just as easily wait 5-10 minutes for the next crew to come in.  Get some good will with the boss, too.  

I also brought what is left of my Taco Bell gift card I may hit that on my way home.  

I am exhausted but that is to be expected.  I woke up at 4 AM raring to go.  I went back to sleep.  I figured I needed the extra couple of hours.  

The cats are good, they are getting used to me feeding them at night.  That lets me sleep in a little without them bugging me.  I don't want them hungry of course so this seems best.  They are fine with it, they don't care when I feed them as long as they get their 2 cups in the bowl every day.  

Cat food will last longer now that Torbie's gone but I will need to order more cat food next week from Chewy.  That's one thing I don't want running low.  I can always find something for me to eat, God has been really generous in sending me a lot of $1 a pound meat deals, for instance.  But the cats are completely dependent on me for their food.  

They did bring me a small dirt snake today.  I guess they worry about my diet.  

So I have been thinking about the pork roast.  Plan is to cut it in half.  One half will be seasoned with pork rub and crock pot with some coca-cola and a splash of apple cider vinegar.  The other half will be seasoned with hot pepper flakes, ginger, maybe cloves, definitely cinnamon (stick) and cooked with plantain and sweet potato.  Should be nice and different.  And the meat only cost me $1 per pound so I can experiment.  

Not sure what I am doing with the drumsticks?  No idea there.  I don't want to bake them, though.  I may make a curry out of them or some chicken soup.  

I am OK with my small freezer, but if I had a bigger one I would get a couple bags of chicken leg quarters as Ron and I did a lot with them in our early days.  And all we had were a crock pot, microwave, and deep fat fryer.  We had many a meal of fried potatoes and chicken leg quarters.  And I wondered why I was gaining weight!  

I am wearing my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans.  I really like they have deep pockets and a perfect fit (18W).  They were new with tags and only cost me $3.  Sometimes I think God puts blinders on everyone but me to it, they just pass it up until I walk in and "Here are Heather's jeans".  Just a thought.  I do know God has been very fair and generous in the clothing department.  It has happened often enough I just fall over the perfect clothing item.  I have a nice closet.  

Ron was very upset I did not bring many clothes when I moved in with him, and always said he wanted me to have a big closet.  I have clothes but not an excessive amount.  I don't plan to go looking for more anytime soon as I am happy with what I have.  

It will be fun losing weight and looking in that box I have off to the side on the floor of my closet.  Smaller sizes!  Fun fun!  And I can always go back to the thrift shop when my aunt comes to town.  I am sure she will come back now and again.  Worst case I take a cab to the thrift shop and show her what I got on a Zoom call.  

I don't think it will be as crazy today at work, it is not Spring break anymore, and no one has any money left (me included).  Next week will be epic, though.  

We also have inventory coming up and all the managers are stressing about that.  Some of them could lose their jobs if it's bad, but me, as a worker bee, have nothing to worry about as long as I do my job.  I do feel bad for the managers.  

I need to go.  More later.  

Friday morning

 Work was OK.  I helped make order out of chaos.  I had a hard time at home getting started but was OK by the time I clocked in.  It went pretty fast considering.  

I had brought my lentils to eat before I started.  I found some of them weren't cooked to my taste so that was a bummer, they were also a little runny, and OK but I need to tweak it.  For dinner I had the chicken that didn't work out (the tomato sauce one where I tossed the sauce).  The chicken itself was alright considering how bad the sauce had been, but not as filling as I would have liked and not enough salt!  But it filled me up reasonably well so I have some work to do.  

I have also found aspartame makes me hungry so that will have to go.  If I'm always hungry I'm going to want to eat and then I will never lose weight.  And I am on a budget so I need to eat less.  

No, it's not terrible but I will have to be very careful with my spending.  Tonight I need a meal that will work so I plan to do McDonald's.  I don't need big meals on the weekend as I only work 4 hours.  

I am more depressed than I would have liked, over Torbie.  But I knew she was old when I got her, I just didn't think it would be so hard to lose her.  Of course it doesn't help I lost Ron first.  I am just praying the other cats stay healthy.  Baby Girl has been begging for treats which I find encouraging.  

I found out something interesting.  I have begun feeding the cats at night so I can sleep in on my day off.  They still cuddle with me in bed, in the morning (the Big 3, Cleo, Spotty, Biscuit).  I call them collectively the Fantastic 4 now.  I do need the attention because I don't get any physical affection from other people.  

I can see why a lot of widows remarry right away; you miss being married, the companionship, someone to look out for you and someone for you to nurture.  But this is why I gave myself 5 years, time to adjust so I don't run out and make a bad decision right away.  If God has someone for me He is working on that guy, too, as He works on me.  I wouldn't want to rush that.  

It looks like nice weather with a jacket (they always run the air conditioner on the bus and it's always freezing).  So I will get going on that.  I have to get dressed and ready.  

I am still bringing a soda from home to save me the $2 at work.  $2 a day, sometimes more than once, adds up quick.  

Thursday morning

 I slept pretty well and did not wake up in the middle of the night.  Funny because I had a lot of Diet Dew yesterday.  I would think it would make it harder to sleep.  

So I have good options for lunch: lentils with ham or chicken and rice.  I think I am going to do the chicken today as I need to eat that up pretty quick.  I am really pleased I am doing something good for myself.  

We sell bollilo rolls at work, a big bread roll from Mexico (we bake them in store I believe) for cheap, I will get one of those to eat with my lentils when it's their turn.  I can dip it in the juice.  I cooked them with a little broth left.  I was really pleased how those turned out too.  

But I do plan to phase out added wheat.  I have some bread in the fridge but it's not going anywhere.  When I eat up my lentils and chicken I have the pork roast and the drumsticks to cook.  I may make chicken soup with the drumsticks.  Some of them at any rate.  The pork roast I will cook in the crock pot.  I haven't measured but pretty sure I will have to cut it in 2.  

I have enough to eat, that's what matters.  Food Town has been reliable enough I may have Jack take me when my aunt leaves.  Or look more at work and see what work has.  But I think Foodtown has "more" meat selection.  I know I can also get to Joe V's on the bus but they don't have small packages of meat.  And sometimes you don't want 5 pounds of pork chops, you know?   Food Town has been good for that.  

And they generally have someone working the meat so I can ask for help.  One time I wanted stew meat, they took a roast back and whacked it into stew meat.  Good customer service.  

Cycle has been manageable.  I think it helps I take iron in the morning and Vitamin E at night, both are good for a fertile woman.  

Looking forward to getting my glasses, that will be fun.  

I decided to take lentils for lunch and chicken for dinner at work.  I was very pleased with the lentils.  And they were pretty easy to cook.  I am going to look for more liquid smoke at work.  It's on the salad dressing aisle.  

I spoke to Jack he will be there tonight so that's good, I have some cash in my pocket to pay him.  About the only bad thing, I had some dreams about work before I woke up and I felt like I should get paid for them!  

Wednesday night

 I am very pleased with the state of my closet.  I have 5 pair regular daily wear jeans; 4 more in colors like white, magenta, and mauve, and a cute bootcut in black.  I have 31 good condition solid color t-shirts, and about half a dozen various dressier tops.  Plus I have a whole box full of cute clothes when I size down.  So I'm happy.  

It was really great today, everything I bought was on sale and only $3 each at that.  

I made the lentils.  They turned out really good.  I used a heaping 1/4 t salt, 1/2 cup soaked lentils, about a T of liquid smoke (really made the meal), and a half cup of chopped ham.  I used too much water, next time I would only do a cup and a half.  I cooked that until almost done and then I added 2 big handfuls of kale as my lentil cookbook assured me kale + lentils are the perfect pairing.  I cooked it down and then took it off the heat.  I had a bite of the lentil portion and it was excellent.  I will definitely fix that again.  It made 2 good servings.  

I tried the chicken, forget if I mentioned this already, the sauce tasted like burnt chicken grease even after I scooped off the fat.  I threw that out but the chicken itself was in good shape, falling apart and moist.  So I portioned out the 3 thighs.  Then I cooked some plain white rice with just a 1/4 t chicken bouillion powder.  

I made a cup dry rice, and had enough for 3 nice portions plus an extra I threw in the freezer.  So that's 5 good meals.  They were very cheap, will be very good, filling, no mystery food.  I don't know if I said but I was unhappy one of the McDonald's workers had a ponytail hanging down and no hair net.  That is a violation of health laws.  And she walked right past the manager, who said nothing.  Some things, like dress code, you can let an employee slide.  You cannot let an employee slide on health and safety laws.  I sure don't want one of those long hairs in my hamburger!  

And when we had the deli I always wore a hair net.  I'm no hypocrite.  Of course I had a man at the time and wasn't looking to impress anyone.  Not to mention 4 meals at McD will cost me $21.  I can buy a lot of "ingredients" for that.  

So I got the new clothes washed and put up; I finished all the meal prep.  I only need to wash the bean pot and I am done.  

About the only notable thing, I did up the driver candy for tomorrow.  I had my little brass lamp on the table top, no shade (getting around to buying that) and Biscuit got up and pressed his side against the lit bulb!  And it is a regular one!  I quickly turned it off and he had no idea he almost burned himself.  Just goes to show I can only have that light on when I am next to it.  

My cycle has been pretty heavy today but manageable.  I will take some ibuprofen tomorrow to help slow it down at work.  That does work for me.  Just a regular 400 mg dose.  I am hoping I can get most of it over with today/tonight and then not much at work the next couple days.  

I already set out my looser fit black jeans with the good pockets so I can stuff some tampons in there.  Some of my jeans I can only carry a compact tampon, and I do have a few, but I like having certain jeans for the cycle.  

Oh, and last week I got a pair of white jeans.  So school me on that.  I assume I only wear them in the summer?  I know they will make me look fatter and OK with that, only wear when I know I'm not going to bleed...etc.  I really am delighted with my clothing finds today they are all very cute and a nice variety.  I have black, gray, white, dark blue, mauve, and magenta jeans in my current size (18/20).  I don't think I've ever had so many.  God is taking good care of me.  

I used some of the love offering to get the jeans.  I still have about $20 left!  

Well the glasses weren't cheap

 But they're very cute and I will enjoy them.  God knows I need them.  Doc said I had to go up some on the reader portion.  Eyes are very healthy which is good.  It was the first time I had the vision field test with the little wavy lines that jump around.  I didn't think I did very well at it but I did and doc said the photo of the inside of my eyes showed very healthy eyes.  So good to know.  

Then off to the thrift store.  I got 4 pairs of jeans, 3 fit me perfectly now and one will fit me later, but is an awesome shade of mauve I can wear on my days off.  Got all that for $12.  One was a new with tags Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda jean.  Glad I went to the thrift store.  

Then FoodTown.  Yes, they had lemon pies.  I got a dozen as they keep well and it's going to be a while before I make it back.  Meat: chicken drumsticks at $.69.  I got a couple pounds, it was a nice tray with some good meaty ones.  Pork Roast, I was eyeing one and my aunt picked it up, said "This is nice!" so I got it, almost 4 pounds at $.99 a pound.  I will have to cut it in half and cook each half separately as it is way too big for my crock pot.  Both had a sell by date of the 30th so I have time to cook it.  

I was pretty happy with my deals.  I spent more than I wanted on the glasses but I need to see well so I am OK with that, and certain things I need like the transitions and the bifocal, can't get out of that.  I didn't get anything luxury and only got the $10 over basic frames.  

I had fun with my aunt.  She is going to try to see me again before she moves next week.  I hope she can.  

I am set on food for a while now.  I have eggs, bacon, sausage, chicken, pork.  I don't think I will need anything for a week or so.  I should get the glasses in a week or two.  It was my experience, last time, they came a lot faster than I was told.  

I plan to take a cab to go pick them up and have him wait to take me home again.  He can run the meter while I'm in there.  It shouldn't take long.  

I need to scoop all the grease off my chicken dish from last night and see how it turned out.  Then I need to cook my lentils with ham.  Then I am done for the night...outside of washing my new clothes.  

Some time back Apparel put a bunch of exercise leggings, the slippery kind, on clearance.  I got 2 pair one in a 20 and one in a 16/18.  I wore the 20's today, they were a little tight but worked for trying on the clothes.  I was able to slide them on and off over my leggings.  So they will fit for a while and I can go back to the thrift store in them.  

But, as I lose weight (and I will especially as I phase out wheat and aspartame), I think I will just raid my box in the closet (skinny clothes) until my aunt can come take me shopping again.  She is very honest about what looks good and what does not.  I value that.  And it is not as much fun to shop on my own although I could certainly take a cab each way if it came to that.  

Biscuit came out, I was very proud of him, and after she left he asked me for a can of wet food, which he ate and promptly vomited all over the hall.  But he had fun eating it.  Probably not the best for him anyway.  

I plan to buy 2 big bags of his food from Chewy when I get paid next week.  He has plenty for now.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday morning

 Pretty depressed last night, enough that I broke out the "big Guns" and took one of my Stress-B vitamins.  It did help.  I also went to bed early.  I woke up in the middle of the night but went back to sleep, woke up again a little before my alarm.  I had 3 cats in my bed, Baby Girl still won't come in my room.  She likes to hang out on the couch near my computer.  

So I got up, fed everybody.  Discovered I had started my cycle.  Well, at least I don't have to look for it now.  I got out my supplies.  

Today's my day off; I go for my eye exam.  I already picked out glasses.  My eyes are great just need a little boost in that bottom half of the bifocal, the "reader" part I guess.  But it is important to watch my eyes.  It was important when I was the only set of eyes in the house, even more now that I am on my own.  Not that I anticipate a problem.  I do take my vitamins and watch my sugar intake.  

But I am looking forward to reading better.  The frames I like are really cute.  The ones I am wearing now are a basic style and a very dark purple.  These are a little brighter purple.  I like purple, it goes with everything.  I generally wear black, navy, rarely some hot pink.  It will work.  

I always get the plain lined bifocal I have found that the easiest, and then a Transitions lens which is very helpful at the bus stop.  It goes dark in the sun and then fades to clear when I'm inside.  That took a little getting used to the first time I did that but I enjoy it.  It's great if I have a headache, too, it keeps the light down.  

Hopefully afterward we will have time to run to the thrift store, I would like to look around.  I'm not sure what my aunt has planned, though.  We transferred some money into my account (from what Ron left me) to cover the glasses.  I am happy about doing that as it is basically a one time expense.  I am really happy I don't have to use the credit card.  So I can just pay outright.  

I also have to get my fence fixed but once that is done I shouldn't need the savings any more.  I got a letter from the property tax people.  My home is valued about twice what I paid for it 18 years ago.  So my tax bill is going up, I may need the savings for some of that.  I don't plan to touch it otherwise.  

I need to take a shower working up the energy to do that.  The chicken thighs seem kind of greasy but I plan to refrigerate them and scoop off the grease, then freeze them.  Hopefully that works out.  Worst case I only spent a dollar or two.  

That's it for now.  

Some about cooking and my big red pot.

 Some good news today (battling depression).  

First a little background.  Some years back during COVID we were in big financial trouble.  Ron was also extremely constipated being bed bound.  I managed to scrape together enough to buy myself a big red stockpot (I love red things in my kitchen), and made big pots of split peas for Ron to eat.  Good times.  And the fiber had the desired result.  

So I am fond of it 1.  It is a really good pot.  2.  It is a bright and cheerful red, which I love in my kitchen.  3.  Good memories.  It is about 4-6 quarts much bigger than my other pot.  I basically shoved it to the back of the stove after Ron died, cooked nothing for a good year, and lost the lid.  

A big stockpot isn't much good without a lid.  I recently tore the kitchen apart and could not find the lid.  I bet you can see where this is going...

Today, while cleaning out the cat cabinet, I moved a set of mixing bowls and found the lid on the floor of the cabinet, behind them.  I tried it on and it's the lid, alright.  That saves me the cost of a new stockpot, not that I could afford it anyway.  

Happy about that.  

So I have 2 cooking (I am trying not to focus on my depression) projects in the works.  One is my lentils and ham.  Pretty much what it sounds like, some lentils, some diced ham, a little black pepper.  Basically what I did for Ron except I used Split Peas for him as he always had a unreasonable bias against lentils.  I will use my small pot for it though, I'm only cooking 1/2 cup dry.  That makes 3-4 meals for me.  

Second project, and this more vague, a package of chicken thighs.  Will I fry it in the skillet?  Will I put them in the crock pot (currently leaning that way)?  That's about all I've got for them.  I have to cook them tonight, I just remembered, so I had better throw them in the crock pot.  

So, crockpot: liner, thighs, Italian seasoning, a can of tomato sauce.  Some added water because I plan to cook it a while.  I put a half teaspoon of seasoning I hope that isn't too much.  But flavors tend to cook out in a crock pot (fine spices) so I may actually need to add more.  I am sure it will be fine.  The chicken was a little fatty so I plan to chill the dish and scoop the fat off before I eat it.  And it was 3 nice pieces of meat, over a pound.  

I like having components so I can whip something up like that.  I guess I could have made curry.  But Italian sounded good and I JUST got the seasoning.  

Baby Girl has been hanging out a lot in the bathroom, seems depressed.  But she came out, I was very welcoming and praised her, she got on the couch and is next to me.  Hopefully she is getting through losing Torbie.  I was surprised as I have never really had a cat grieve another cat.  

Well it was Baby Girl actually, when Bubba died.  

Bubba is alive in this photo.  She was very bonded to him.  She was not apparently bonded to Torbie yet is missing her.  No cat really cared when Gravy died, not even his brother.  But Torbie goes and Baby Girl is drooping.  I hope she pulls through, I would hate to lose her, too.  

Torbie had a pretty big decline last year, very depressed and seemingly given up.  I told her I would like her to fight but it was OK if she wanted to go to Ron.  I basically let her go, and she rallied for months before stepping out.  I am not willing to do that with Baby Girl, she is still young (only 10).  

So we will see, but she did come out which I find encouraging.  

Tuesday morning

 I slept pretty well, woke up a couple of times, though.  

The rain came through very early this morning.  I was up at 6.  I did my God Time and organized the cats' cabinet.  

I have 2 big cabinets and one small one at floor level in my kitchen.  I have one small cabinet and 3 bigger ones at eye level.  Ron and I arranged the left cabinet would be "mine" and the right cabinet/counter would be "his".  He put the microwave on the counter because he could not use the built in from his wheelchair (and the built in died some time ago).  I have, let me see...56 square feet in there.  Some of you probably have bigger pantries 😂.  So I cleaned out Ron's cabinet after he died and just left it empty.  I recently started putting a few things in there but I made a realization: the male cats had figured out a way to open the cabinet door and go in there for a relaxing retreat.  I don't want to stop that, although it is disconcerting when I reach in there for a bag of something and a cat head pops out.  On the plus side I will never have rodent issue.  

But I needed to organize it for my own self, and also so the cats could have their retreat.  Yes, I know it is not normal to have a kitchen cabinet for the cats.  I organized my lentils and a couple of cans of chili in there, pulled out the expired box of microwave popcorn (a big one), threw that out, and moved a few things around the kitchen.  I am very happy.  The cats have their space.  I think I will put the cat bed in there too.  

I just did that and it fits great.  Now let's hope no one dies in there.  

Since the weather is nice and sunny I decided to go ahead and get my laundry done.  I bought a 2 pack of bras on clearance at work this weekend and I want to put them in rotation.  Plus I have to clean the stuff I wore.  The bathroom stalls are narrow at work (not at other stores though) and I sometimes bump my shoulder on the tampon trash can and that is just revolting.  I mean, the thing looks clean enough but I know it is covered in germs.  So I want that washed with sanitizer.  I am working retail, riding the bus, riding in a cab on occasion, etc. so I want that all cleaned off.  

I am happy to buy the laundry sanitizer.  I run it as a soak cycle first and then a standard load.  I also use Tide.  That is one thing I don't cheap.  Laundry detergent.  I will use generic soap, dishwasher liquid, shampoo, etc. but not the laundry detergent.  It's just not worth it if I have to run the load twice.  

My washer does very well.  I only do a few loads a week, if that.  So that's done.  

I am debating doing the floor today.  We will see.  When the washer finishes I plan to take a nap.  

That's it for now.  

Monday - my Friday night.

So there I am at work, off the clock, shopping.  I have a bag of mixed greens in my cart in front of me.  It doesn't have a price but it has a bar code so I can scan it.  I look around, some people around so I move in front of the mushroom display because no one likes mushrooms.  After all, I don't.  I open up my Walmart app.  A woman says "Excuse me".  She wants to look at the mushrooms.  I guess 😂 she likes them.  So I had to move again, this time in front of the cabbages.  And the greens were a reasonable price so I bought them.  

I didn't sleep well.  I feel like just as I have a handle emotionally something comes along to knock me on my ass.  I am a little sick of it, to be honest.  There, I said it.  I can accept God's will and still say "I'm tired of You making me so strong!"  

So.  I got up, took my shower.  I used my clarifying shampoo because I did not wash my hair yesterday what with being ill and all.  

I got dressed and went to work.  By the way, they no longer sell my cat food.  I will have to get it from Chewy.  

So I got there and did my thing.  I clocked out and did my shopping, what I could do that is.  I called my guy and he was about half an hour away, that was OK though.  I was off the clock.  I could see the weather moving in but it did not rain until after I got home.  Supposed to have severe rain tonight.  

He came and I got home, put everything away.  I didn't get much meat (just some ham ends) because I already had the pork chops and chicken thighs at home, not to mention the cooked chorizo in the freezer and some raw turkey sausage in a chub in my fridge.  And the eggs.  I got a lot of eggs.  I can do a lot with that.  

The rice and bean aisle was busy so I didn't get lentils.  But if they had them they didn't have much I couldn't see them.  But I have lentils at home.  

One thing I will be doing tomorrow: restructure Spotty's cabinet so I can store some food in there without bothering him.  He likes to hide in the cabinet which is fine but I do want to put some lentils in there.  

The store also had turkey spam which I like so I got some.  I even got a can for my driver.  

I got on the computer for a while, did last night's dishes, and tried to take a nap, but couldn't.  I woke up with a bad headache so I had 2 bottles of Diet Dew, one excedrin tablet (and one advil), one more Dew at work, then 2 dews waiting on my ride home... no wonder I was restless.  But the Big 3 (cats, Cleo, Spotty, and Biscuit) got into bed with me.  Cleo laid down on my hand, purring.  She even licked my hand a few times as well.  Baby Girl has been hanging out a lot in the bathroom for some reason.  That is fine, I don't care, and she always moves if I have to use the toilet.  But I would like her to feel included.  

I rearranged the pillows on the pull out loveseat and pulled the 2 standard shams off, just leaving the 3 20 inch square pillows.  It has more room for seating now.  And cats.  I don't know what I will do with the pillows I took off.  Maybe put them in Ron's room?  

I am thinking to do my God Time in Ron's room just so I don't end up hating it.  It's not the room's fault everyone wants to die in there.  I feel kind of bad for the room because I just, on some level, hate it.  I love the improvements we made it looks lovely I just hate that I am losing everyone I love in that room.  So I think I really need to do my God Time in there and get a better association.  I will do that after I post this.  

So it's my Friday night.  I won't do laundry tonight because we will have severe weather.  And, as I've said, I have been told it is very bad for a newer washer to lose power in the middle of the cycle.  So I try not to run it during bad weather.  So far it's working great.  I have had it for a little over 5 years.  I run it a lot less now that I'm on my own.  

Ron had a pretty easy time marrying me but had a hard time committing to the purchase of a washer and dryer, because that was a whole new level of commitment.  I always found that funny.  What wasn't funny was the $1K price tag for the pair (washer and dryer), installation, haul away of old unit, warranty.  So I try to take care of them.  

One thing on my list is a dryer vent cleanout.   We never had that done.  Like I said it is on the list.  

That's it for now, I'm going to go figure out the pillows.  

Sunday

 It was an odd day.  Wrenched from sleep at 1 AM with food poisoning like symptoms (still not sure what I had), wracking abdominal pain and nausea.  Biscuit got on me in bed and gave me a nice belly massage which helped a lot (so I wasn't worried I needed to go to ER).  He's a good boy, very loving.  I got up and stayed up until 4 AM.  I slept in as late as possible and skipped my shower (but my hair looked OK).  I had already arranged a ride to work and so happy to see that.  I felt like my guts had been tied in knots and I didn't want to take a chance of an accident on the bus.  

It's like the dead cat issue, I mentioned that to my 2 guys as a hypothetical "So of course I didn't call you because you don't want a dead cat in your car" and they agreed.  I don't know what I would do if I had a problem like that.  I probably should have worn what Ron referred to as "A Companion".  I have some in my size.  I will remember next time.  

Anyway got to work OK and clocked in.  I had problems and had to consult another department for help, but it took him 2 hours to get to me so I was limited in what I could do in the meantime.  I did make myself useful, though.  It was only a 4 hour day so not bad.  

[I still feel like my guts were tied in knots]

I had zero appetite.  I had a bathroom emergency as I left but made it.  I was glad I was right next to the bathroom.  But it meant I missed the bus.  I got outside, it was pretty.  

I decided to take my watch off as it would only bring me stress.  I missed my first bus because I had to use the bathroom.  The second one was late.  I missed my connecting bus and had to wait on the next one.  I got home two and a half hours after I left work.  Glad I had taken off the watch!  But I made it and it was a nice day.  

I was exhausted, I have not had a good night of sleep in about a week now.  I hope my symptoms are OK tonight and I can get some rest.  

Tomorrow it's going to rain so I arranged a ride to and from work.  After work I will do my shopping for the week.  The cats are good, they were very cuddly and Baby Girl met me at the door when I got home.  The other cats aren't always good about that.  Not that it's a requirement but it is nice to see a feline face when I get home.  

I am making some rice pilaf for dinner.  I had some pork chops I had to cook today.  I did get them cooked and they look good.  I ate a little bit of crackling out of the pan that was always my favorite part about pork chops.  It tasted good; I used a little Creole seasoning mixed in with the flour.  I went old school some time back and repurposed a standard sized tin can as my grease can, when I was done I poured the grease off into the can and put it in the fridge.  When it is full I will tie it up in a plastic bag and toss it.  I'm not pouring that down my drain, no way.  

That's it for now.  

Pretty sure I have food poisoning

 Woke up with very bad cramps now moving onto nausea.  Not a fun night.  

I may have to call in tomorrow.  My boss gave me her cell so I will text her if I can't come in.  Calling in is one thing, explaining will help because they will definitely miss me if I can't come in.  

[groans]

Saturday

 I didn't get enough sleep last night and lay in bed as the alarm went off, lamenting the fact I did not have my Diet Dew at hand.  After I got up I fixed that.  Baby Girl was very listless and I thought "Not again!" but she rallied by the time I came home from work and has been acting normally, begging for and eating treats,  etc.  

I went to work.  I have a theory hours at work on the weekend are like dog years, 1:7.  It felt like I worked a lot longer than 4 hours.  Customers were unusually surly as well.   I did find a deal.  

Now some customers, and employees, have a hair trigger when it comes to bargains, they see that yellow clearance tag and go crazy, something they wouldn't buy at regular price goes into the cart (or arms) at a frenzied pace.  I have skipped a lot of that.  I got a dress for $1 a few months ago, sweat pants for $2 a pair @ 2 pair, and today a 2 pack of bras for $7.  It was my brand and style, and size.  The colors were acceptable.  And it was about half what I would have paid normally.  So I felt it was a good deal and acted accordingly.  

I have been debating buying a bra because I do need one (but I got 2!).  I am thinking to go low carb for a while which will bring a pretty rapid weight loss.  Do I want to commit to that?  I'm not sure.  I would like to get out of this rut.  

If I do that I have to figure out good snacks I can do.  Especially with meat prices so high.  And I didn't cook much because Ron preferred prepared foods.  I can throw something in the crock pot OK.  I can fry up something in my skillet (once I figure out breading).  I can warm up something in the microwave.  But that's about it.  I did OK when we had the deli.  I had a whole repertoire: taco night, ham-bean soup, chicken soup, roast chicken with gravy (made the gravy from scratch), and spaghetti with homemade meat sauce.  I had people lining up for my meals so I think I'm a good cook or at least decent.  

So do I go strict low carb?  Just cut out wheat (I am leaning that way for now) when I use up my bread (because food is expensive I am not going to throw it out)?  I do plan to do dairy and beans.  I like beans as a protein.  I may do a little rice as well, not strict low carb.  Something moderate carb.  

What I really need to do is kick out the aspartame.  That does trigger cravings for me.  I put away all the drink mix, I can stop buying the sparkling water at work.  That will save me a lot of cash.  I will go ahead and use up my soda though.  I only have enough for a couple days.  

I don't want to be like Ron, making a dramatic show of pouring liquor down the sink just to fall off the wagon a month later.  I will be fine using it up.  It is the drink mix that is really getting me, I think.  I can use that for special occasions.  The rest of the time have water, tea, or decaf coffee.  I have plenty of all.  

So I am ready to get on track with the diet again.  I only have about 30-40 pounds to my goal.  One of my coworkers thinks my goal is too high but I have a fair amount of muscle and big bones so I feel like it is correct.  

I'm going to go poke around a little online before I come back.  

So the plan is to eat up my snacks.  Drink what soda I have.  Then, upcoming week, eliminate MSG added foods (most snacks I don't make myself) and aspartame (sparkling water and soda at work).  That will save me money and help with my overall health and weight loss.  I think that's a good thing.  

I'm tired; I'm going to bed early.  (smooches)   

I got the card!

 I had a hard day yesterday missing Torbie so it was appreciated!  

Friday morning

Don't you love it when the powers that be (PTB) come in to your work area and decide they are going to "fix" it?  And it so much worse?  Yeah, I had that last night.  I will just keep working as best I can in what I have but it's not at all what I would have done if they had given me permission to "fix things up".  Some things needed improvement.  No question but that is not what I would have done.  

Do I care?  No, not at all.  I will go in and earn my $12 an hour (after taxes) and do a good job as I always do.  I took a couple of peanut butter sandwiches to work that helped me save on my bottom line.  I bought a can of chili and a package of pasta with what I saved.  I am a "with bean" kind of girl.  The store brand is very good if you can find it, good over rice or cornbread.  

Oh, cornbread.  I am glad my oven is acting up or I would be 300 pounds, eating cornbread.  The stove part works so I am happy.  

 I had a bad scare last night when I got home from work.  I saw the 3 cats but not Cleo and she always gets into bed with me.  I was laying there in bed thinking "Not again!".  But she came out from under the bed this morning.  I put a cat bed under my bed and the cats like to sleep in it sometimes.  So she's fine.  

When I was at the pet store vainly trying to find the Urinary Formula they had some Pro Plan urinary wet food for cats.  They had 2 fish flavors.  As I've said, fish gets them blocked!  But they also had a chicken flavor so I got that and fed it this morning.  They did a pretty good job on it.  I will have to see if they like it ongoing, if they do I can get a case from Chewy when I order the dry food.  It says it lowers PH and has low added magnesium.  

My first cat with FLUTD I did a lot of things wrong.  One thing I was feeding him some Ocean Fish cat food.  He kept getting blocked.  So I had Ron call the 800 number and find out the magnesium content.  They said they couldn't tell him over the phone but would mail us something.  It took weeks and when it arrived the magnesium levels were off the charts.  No wonder he kept getting sick, poor baby.  And no internet back then so I had to go to the library and read up on it.  I think they even sent us a coupon for more.  Which I didn't use of course.  I switched him over to chicken based and he was fine.  

Frosty got sick so fast there was no time to change his diet.  He was dead about 18 hours after he started exhibiting symptoms.  He was a little poorly that night and I said I would take him in the next morning.  He was sick all night and then the next morning when I got him to the vet he was in kidney failure.  Nothing they could do, I had to put him down.  

Biscuit I did everything right.  I saw him squatting in the box and immediately took him to the vet, she got him cleared and did an study, found out he had struvite crystals which are controlled through diet.  That was years ago, he hasn't gotten blocked since.  They eat the special food (all of them because I believe Spotty, being male, is also at risk) every day and like it.  I just hope I can keep getting it.  

I am somewhat depressed of course, I miss Torbie.  I am going to keep her as my profile picture for now.  

That's it for now.  

Thursday morning

 Didn't sleep well, woke up "Torbie's dead".  Not a good way to start the day.  Steadfast little Cleo was in the bed, though, purring and butting up against me.  She can't replace Torbie but I am at least not alone in this.  

It's just been a lot, losing Ron, losing my job, losing my aunt (moving), losing my cat, all in a year.  I just want some peace and tranquility.  Boredom.  Not getting it.  Going to do my God Time.  

That's done.  I'm sad on top of being depressed.  I'm going to miss her a lot.  She had a great life, I was so happy to get her out of that shelter.  She had been there a month because no one wanted an older cat.  I'm glad I took her we had a great time with her; she was a real consolation to Ron the last couple years.  

But I feel like God keeps taking things away from me and that's hard.  

The rest of my day

 The day Ron died I covered him with a blanket (after he was pronounced) because I didn't think it was dignified to leave him lying on the floor in his diaper.  When they took Ron they left the blanket.  Torbie was inconsolable the first night so I gave her the blanket and she was never happier than when she had her blanket.  So I wrapped her in it today, like a burrito.  She used to cry if I put it up; I figured it would make a good shroud.  

My aunt came.  I picked up Torbie (very stiff!) and put her in the trunk all wrapped up.  The vet is very cautious so I wasn't allowed in the building.  I had to call the office manager, who came out.  My aunt popped the trunk, she got Torbie.  The office manager asked if I wanted anything back (they can do things like a memorial paw print, special urn, etc.).  I said no.  Privately I thought I never did anything with all my other deceased cats so I could leave her at the vet as well.  Oh, she said, then we won't charge you.  Nice!  

As she turned the blanket fell back and we had Torbie's poor dead face looking at us.  My aunt shuddered.  "Oh, she's really dead!"  Yup, I agreed.  I tried not to look but the office manager was still talking to us.  She finished and we left.  

We went to the gas station and got a drink, then went to the eyeglass shop.  I found 2 cute frames.  They cannot do exams today but we scheduled one for next week.  I already have the frames.  All told 2 pairs of glasses with lined bifocal and transition lenses will be about $350.  That is not bad.  And these will serve me every day for years.  I am wearing glasses I got from these guys and they are very good, the transitions are nice and dark, etc.  So I feel good about investing in that.  And I need to be able to see.  

Then we went to a Goodwill in a nice neighborhood.  They had the fitting room open, I tried on 2 pairs of jeans.  One is a little tight but will work for later.  I got them both for $15.  

We went to a pet store, they did not have the special food.  They did have Glucosamine treats which I got for Baby Girl.  I know she has a bad hip.  She actually ate one so I know that will help.  

Then we did lunch.  It was good.  We went to the panderia and Foodtown.  Foodtown had really good deals on meat and I got both pork chops, and boneless skinless chicken thighs, for less than $10 with some fruit pies.  

Lastly we went to Walmart and I got some yarn, facial cleanser, more soda (I drank a lot this morning), etc.  I hope I can sleep tonight.  

I am sad missing Torbie but I am glad it was quick and merciful for her.  I wouldn't want her to suffer.  Normally when I lose a cat there is a dramatic crisis, a frantic call fora  cab, a ride to the emergency hospital, an exam where they determine they can do nothing, and then have to put the baby down.  Frosty, Bubba, Gravy.  Baby Girl the first was poisoned and that was a horrible death because they didn't have the emergency hospital back then.  So this was a lot better than that.  If there's a good way to die Torbie had it.  

So I am just trying to wrap my head around it.  It was expected because she was 17 but still a shock.  I lost all the above mentioned cats during the spring, except Baby Girl the First.  She died in July.  

But it's sad and I miss her.  I am not sorry she is in Heaven with Ron but I'm going to miss her.  

Torbie died

 So Torbie has been her usual self lately, sleeping with me, getting in my lap, begging for treats.  

Last night I heard a cat vomiting (not uncommon) but couldn't find it.  This morning I saw it in Ron's room.  I cleaned it up.  I was right next to the cat condo which is one "cave" on top of another.  And I saw Torbie in there, that is very unusual.  I went to pet her and she's stiff.  

Well, I did ask God to make it obvious when she died.  She had been pretty sick last year but rallied.  So I had some talks with God about that.  I didn't want to bury a live cat.  So she was stiff and her eyes are open.  Clearly gone.  

I am OK for now.  She was old when I got her.  She was probably around 17.  That is a good life for any cat.  Ron loved his buddy they were very close at the end, she took it hard when he died.  She would cry all over the house if I put up the blanket with his scent.  I am going to wrap her in that.  

I tried digging a grave, got about 2 feet down.  It is hard to dig after that...I called my vet I can do a no ashes cremation for $55, I will do that.  I don't need the ashes back.  I can plant something nice outside the window where I would have put her.  Maybe put a photo up on my memorial shelf.  I am going to have to get one of those digital frames and rotate images.  

Now I need to fill in the grave so the yard guy doesn't break a leg.  

I'm going to miss her.  

Some decorating pics and a little bit of Baby Girl

 

I finished up the orange room today; the weird thing on the floor is the cardboard scratcher, Baby Girl loves that thing.  Got the kettlebells in there on their rack.  

Blue room is Ron's obviously and the bear is in the front room, so is BG in the photos.  Finally happy with all the throw pillows.  Single chair with orange pillow is the one my Dad bought me for Christmas, it is very comfortable.  I put a mat underneath it as it was slipping some, the cats love the mat and lay under the chair all the time.  It flexes but doesn't rock so they won't get squashed.  

I had a rocker I loved but Spotty kept getting under the rockers and screaming every time I sat down.  He would also move under the rockers while I was sitting in the chair so it wasn't safe.  A broken leg or tail would have cost thousands of dollars not to mention the suffering; so I put the rocker out at the curb and someone took it.  

So that was my day.  I plan to do some kettlebells tomorrow.  I have them in a variety of weights from 5 to 35 pounds.  I will start light tomorrow, plan is to get in the habit a few times a week.  Also the exercise bike, which worked.  I need to figure something out, maybe just SOMETHING 10 minutes a day every day to start.  I also have a book of shoulder exercises I can do.  I had a little trouble with a shoulder several years ago so I like to keep it limber.  

I am also thinking about cutting out the gluten, going lower carb, etc.  I am sure that would help.  Or I could just do some collagen every day, that's a possibility as well.  I don't really have any aches or pains and I want to keep it that way.  I have time to think about that.  

Another thing are meals.  Some days I have energy to do some meal prep.  Other days I am doing well to heat up a TV dinner.  I basically do not know how the next day will go or even the next hour.  I did a lot of cleaning today but not much cooking.  I don't really feel like cooking but I think I will soak some lentils to cook tomorrow.  And dishes...not crazy about them either.  Like I said I don't really mind laundry but mind dishes a lot more.  

Anyway that's it for now.  

Tuesday morning

 I woke up last night again... that gets old.  Slept OK aside from that but woke up with another headache.  Whacked it with a lemon pie.  

We have had a lot of weather moving through lately so I suspect that is it.  Also could be hormonal as I just ovulated.  Got up, fed the cats.  Been online for a bit and will then do my God Time stuff.  I didn't want to give Him the groggy headache self, but the better and more alert one.  

I felt well enough to spray a little "Primo" perfume spray.  Yes I am a little embarrassed to admit I like it but I have since my teens.  Ron had a one night stand with a woman who wore Primo so he didn't want me to wear it around him.  I wore the fake version of "Red" instead, he had no associations with that... but even then was very sensitive to fragrances so I usually wore nothing.  It has been interesting adding perfume back into my life.  I have stuck with "budget cuts".  But my main one is the Primo with a backup of "A Little Sexy" their version of "Red".  Both are still available, very cheap, and still in production as near as I can tell.  

I used bleach for my toilet issue.  Then I flushed it again to rinse.   

Cleaned the litter box; Tidy Cats works better than Scoop Away and Fresh Step but if you want to bring me anything like that I will take it!  I think I will end up with alot of the yellow Tidy Cats buckets though.  Which is nice because I can use them.  Good for mop water or storage.  

I am going to take a break for a while and then sweep at least the front room.  I used the hand broom around the boxes, a couple of them like to kick litter.  But a couple of them are older and getting feeble so I have to have a box with low sides for them.  Baby Girl is not able to jump like she used to.  She is about 10 (in July) so I accept that.  I would love to get her some Glucosamine treats but the last couple times I tried them the cats wouldn't eat them.  I have never had to pill BG but I imagine she would not take it well, and I feed them dry food so sprinkles are out as well.  I tried salmon oil as well.  They didn't like it but Jack's elderly pit bull sure did.  

Photo of Baby Girl (She is on top of the bear): 

I dragged the trash cans around the front of the house and will have an easier time taking them out.  It is a little cool but sunny and not bad.  Compressor noise going next door.  Are they painting?  I assume so.  It is a steady noise so I should be able to take a nap if that happens.  

Still pretty depressed today.  My aunt may or may not be coming, if not today then tomorrow.  I had some beans and bacon, old country breakfast.  Would have been even better with cornbread but I am watching my figure!  

Going to go watch some TV for a while... that's it for now.