https://www.chron.com/neighborhood/champions-klein/events/article/CarePartners-Northwest-Assistance-Ministries-to-15053293.php?fbclid=IwAR1MJaTx_hqn09bt1zoPleLvuqhK-dtvD_V2nseimBXWF1GTNYjO4oJ91tQ#photo-19026869
And NONE of the groups are accessible to me. SNORT. And they wonder why we burn out.
32 comments:
He can't be alone for 4 -5 hours? Nonsense.
Ron's condition is so bad he can't be left alone. Those groups are probably for caregivers that give light care, not for a worn out wife doing a nurse's job.
Can I even get there? Doubtful. And it is just the sort of thing nonprofits do to check a box on the grant form and get more funding.
Am I going to get actual help out of it? Hell no. Am I attending, even if it was next door? No.
I am with the 1:58 comment.
How do you know it won't help you? There are plenty of spouses caring for their spouse. He can be left alone if he wasn't a drunk
If you had actually read the event description, you would know that complimentary respite care is being offered. So that answers the question of who will watch Ron.
How are these organizations not accessible to you? Did you call and ask for transportation assistance? Did you consider Uber? You have taken Ron on Uber.
The services and topics listed are actually things that you and Ron need. I have no idea why this makes you "snort."
What makes you think the caregivers only deal with light care? My son and DIL attended groups like this while taking care of 104 years old grandmother, it helped them very much. You have no idea what other caregivers are dealing with. The article also says it offers respite care while attending.
Heather, you are so full of excuses for everything. Why don't you whine like a small child, and just say, "whaa I don't want to!"
Their event respite care is not going to come to the house, feed Ron, toilet him, etc. They probably rented a hall to babysit the patients.
Can they make him stop drinking? Be respectful? No. Those are my main problems.
You refuse to call the numbers that the other commenter repeatedly sends you, to obtain services to help with Ron. If you had services such as someone coming out to care for him you could attend this wonderful event that was not set up with the purpose of alienating you. You haven’t TRIED to ask for help so quit complaining and spewing hate.
Wtf is so bad about him going if the respite care is held on site? It might be a good thing for him to get out.
That's funny about the toilet you said he could go by himself. Now he can't and needs help. Which is it? There is no reason he can't feed himself. You have a microwave and he is capable of lifting a heavy vodka bottle he can put something in the microwave. Are all blind people this helpless?
I'm not spewing hate.
And in case no one has got it by now RON CANNOT SIT UP FOR MORE THAN A FEW HOURS. He cannot attend day programs. He cannot work very long. He lays down in the hall and has gotten yelled at by management for that. Because his back is that bad.
Yes, I can get equipment. Yes, I can get butt wipers, therapists, social workers. But none of that will make him stop drinking. None of that will make him treat me with respect. Those are my big issues.
If I really want someone to come in and spell me, I can get that. That is not the issue.
So what do you want exactly?
"None of that will make him treat me with respect." That says more about you than you realize.
He shouldn’t be a part of the blind vendor program, then. He does not meet the physical requirements. You are not blind so you shouldn’t get to run the business.
And yes, you spew hate with every post now. You never talk about God like you used to. Maybe that would help you more than anything.
Why you ALLOW him to get booze is shocking. You could stop that anytime you want. Heather, I’ve read since day one. I realize how stressed you are and how hard you work. But you need to accept that Ron is sick and done and needs help. I don’t understand why you can’t. You are smart. You are a good writer. Is it fear? Denial?
I can't see respite care enabling or putting up with alcoholism. I would bet even they have a limit.
The program grandfathers in people who get worse, that is acceptable because many of them have chronic health problems like diabetes or war vet injuries.
I am sure respite would balk at Ron as well.
What do I want? I want him to stop drinking and treat me with respect. He doesn't have a volume knob for the drinking so ideally just none at all.
But I was thinking recently about addiction, how he could be a gambling addict or something. Alcohol is better than that but of course no addiction is best of all.
And one reason I would really have to think about dating when he's gone.
To the comment about his feeding lately I don't know what happened he just went all invalid on me, started eating in bed and half the time wants me to feed him. He can feed himself (when sober) but wants to be fairly soaked most of the time.
I try not to publish toilet related comments.
Too bad our society has repealed prohibition. At least with my daughter's illegal drug problem, I can call the law to help her. The enemy is roaring, looking for who he can devour. God didn't make alcohol, it's a tool of satan.
Stop rationalizing! Who cares how bad gambling is, Ron's addiction is killing him, right now.
And he wants you to feed him because he's too drunk to do it himself, are you kidding me????? This is no longer caregiving, it's something else.
Not sure there's much hope for you at this point. The first time someone offered me up to the plumber for a discount, he'd have to make himself pb & j sandwiches for dinner. And breakfast and lunch. Maybe some cold soup straight out of the can to mix it up. And if he dared ask me to feed him like a baby? Oh. He'd be picking peanut butter out of his hair for days.
I am totally with you on prohibition. Then I could get his suppliers arrested.
Satan did not great alcohol. God created everything on the earth. Only less than 15% of the population become addicted to alcohol. It is a defect genetically speaking and the reason it is passed down in generations. Want to get rid of alcoholism? Simply don't let anyone with alcoholics in their family breed. Realistically speaking we are all genetically programmed to be addicted to something and not one of us is free from that curse.
I would never feed a drunk. Let him eat when he sobers up.
No one knows that he is asking to be fed because he is drunk. Considering his other symptoms, it is likely he has just lost a lot of motor skills.
Heather, get Ron help. You actually wrote "he just went all invalid on me". Yes, he did. Get him help. Stop blaming alcohol when you have no idea what the issues are. Stop trying to justify this negligence.
"I am totally with you on prohibition. Then I could get his suppliers arrested. " Yeah because that is the better course of action than preventing him from drinking.
yes, it is. Glad you agree.
God did not create alcohol. satan tries to destroy everything God has created and turn what is good into evil.
if prohibition was still in effect, my dad wouldn't have died on the living room floor. satan lies to everyone, keep drinking, party down fools. I think that's why hard liquor is also known as spirits.
My mother died on the floor in her underwear, in a no tell motel, a 2 liter bottle of vodka on the nightstand. What a way to be found. God only knows how Ron is going out.
Ron has a wife who can intervene and save him. Watch a few episodes of Intervention
How does satan make anyone drink? Heather's mother had a drinking problem and was also mentally ill so she had multiple issues. Both were caused by a defective brain not the devil.
Prohibition was in effect in the USA from 1920 until 1933. And while it did curb some drinkers it did not stop all drinking.
People have a choice to drink or not to drink. Some people can have a glass or two of wine and not have a problem while others go overboard and become alcoholics eventually. Why is that? Why does Heather have weight issues? Because she eats to feel better. Why does Ron drink? Because it makes him feel better.
Both eating and drinking problems make the user get a temporary high or good feeling but the after effects and negative consequences are not enough for them to stop.
This is the reason many "church" people are overweight because they use food as a crutch.
It is time we stop blaming invisible beings for the problems in society and start focusing on the real reasons that people are killing themselves and destroying their lives and their families lives with alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, etc.
Oh, ho, ho. Intervention. I SIGNED HIM UP. THEY WANTED HIM. But my aunt and uncle refused to discuss his behavior and the time he beat me up. My only other choice was Chuck, who was not privy to the time Ron beat me up and very good odds he would have said he would only help in exchange for "favors". He couldn't keep a secret, either. So Ron didn't get that chance, but not for lack of me trying. They felt terrible about it.
He did later say, when I told him, years later, that he would have chosen alcohol. So now I know. It is sad and frustrating.
He has basically decided to drink himself to death.
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