I'll tell you what I will do, and what I will not. I will relate some events of last night.
I will not tolerate speculation, snarky comments, etc. on why this happened and the probability of it happening in the future. I have clear eyes in this. We all know what happened but we don't have to SAY it.
Ron woke me up about an hour and a half after I went to bed. He needed assistance, which I provided.
He wanted to take a bath vs. bed bath, I helped him get in but he had some difficulty getting out and has determined he will be doing bed bath from now on.
I stripped the bed and did a load of laundry. I had done something clever with rubber and fitted sheets, rubber sheet, fitted, rubber sheet, fitted, so I only had to peel off the rubber and fitted top sheets. Later I will be remaking the bed and adding another layer as well, it worked very well.
Happily I have my own washer and dryer so I was able to run the load without going anywhere. I was able to do this while Ron washed up. I helped him, a little, but he did not need it.
I did tease him a little about 2 baths in one day. He was very apologetic and nice about it. Some excitement getting him out of the tub but we did it. Back to a clean bed for Ron. I was up a couple hours running the laundry. I fell back asleep pretty well but am exhausted after 9 hours of sleep.
Ron gave me the day off, I took it. He didn't even want to see the pain doctor. Today, I might do a kratom for energy.
I need to take a shower and go to Walmart, get some supplies, etc. I am OK with where I am now, I figured it would come when I married a blind man in a wheelchair. We have had a pretty good run of independence for him; he was worried this would mean a nursing home for him but I said not yet.
To be clear: He did not like the idea of a nursing home but figured it was inevitable now. And I imagine it is, for some. But it is not any different from taking care of the cats.
I am listening to a Pitbull playlist on my cell phone, I am seriously thinking about getting one of those shower curtains with the pockets. I can face the pockets out and put my cell phone in one while I shower. I really like using it for music even though it eats the battery.
23 comments:
Why even post about it? Lol seriously. Why? Don’t say it is therapeutic or some such. You can make this a private blog and then post whatever to your hearts content and not have comments.
You do understand that this is the THIRD time in less than 2 weeks that he has had this issue. Obviously SOMETHING is going on with him and he needs to go to the doctor to get it checked out because it is NOT normal.
Your lying about giving him a bath every Sunday was just that a lie. ALL of your readers know that he refuses any and all baths unless X happens and it has been happening a lot lately. Again he needs to get it checked out. It could be something serious and treatable.
You said you were getting the catio fixed before the work started this week inside the house. Did that happen?
There are so many services that can help you and Ron. He can probably stay at home and get most services there. I really wish you would reach out for help.
One post you say only bed baths and then this post you say he got into the tub. Which is it? This is why people get upset because you say one thing and then do the opposite. The only consistent thing about you is the fact that you do that. If you wind up pulling your back out or tearing your rotator cuff helping him you both are going to be in big trouble because he cannot do anything himself (not even get himself some juice or food - though he has no trouble with the vodka.) Why not look into medicare covering some handicap tools that would help him and you?
I thought we were doing bed baths but Ron was adamant about getting in the tub. He changed his mind when he had a horrible time getting out and declared, if I didn't mind, it would be bed baths now. I said that was fine and I preferred a bed bath to a slip and fall.
He is adamant he does not want grab bars in the bathroom. He almost did fall when I put up the toilet safety frame although he was OK with the commode chair. Which I will need to get u p in his room tomorrow as we have to drywall in the bathroom and we will have guys over.
Yeah until next time he changes his mind and wants to get in the tub again.
I will ask him if he wants to see a doctor.
My plan was to do a weekly bed bath unless he had a problem. That is still the plan, and he uses the bath wipes on private area/pits every day in between, plenty of deodorant too. I did make up a bucket today of bed bath supplies and that should work pretty well, body wash, chux, etc. I had plenty of washcloths that got taken and then I got an 18 pack besides just for current use, so plenty of "washrags" as Ron calls them.
Did not fix the catio, Ron made a point they had been OK for now and didn't think 4 days would matter.
I write so I don't feel so alone in this. I really wanted a caregiver support group in person but could not find one, you are it for me. I also get (mostly) useful feedback. It can also be a forum for family to give me anonymous advice if they choose. I know my aunt at least reads.
But you reject, and at times get hostile toward those of us trying to give you sound advice. Lots of advice above and you don’t even comment back on it. The situation you are in with Ron, the bathing, whatever keeps “happening” - he needs to be seen by a primary care physician. Stop asking hjm what he wants. He is ill. He isn’t capable of making these choices and YOU are IT for him. Why is he adamant about no grab bars? Again, why does he get to make that decision? It’s not safe. Grab bars could make a world of difference. So many things would but you won’t do them. :(
Harris County Area on Aging has caregiver support that includes referrals to support groups, as well as lots of other helpful services. I have mentioned them before.
Their caregiver support line is 832 393-4301
Heather—lawyer who’s given advice before.
He NEEDS to see a doctor. He doesn’t have a say at this point. Mentally he’s not right and not an adult.
You’ve said you want to not be judged. You are doing all you can, but you can’t do enough. Nor could I do enough or any of your readers.
You need medical help and assistance and to know how bad Ron is. If you get proper care and help he likely COULD stay there and avoid a home. If you let him just go downhill as he is now...
Do this for him and for you. You have a new house essentially. Things can be easier. He may not need a ton of help.
The biggest thing is he has to see a doctor. At this point legally and mentally he isn’t an adult. He doesn’t have a say for that. He really has to.
He can only get in the tub if I help him. I will refuse to help and offer a bed bath instead. I really don't want a trip to the ER, ambulance, etc.
I will try to figure out a doctor's appointment for him. One thing I intend to do is start a food log for him and track byproducts. It could be as simple as a food intolerance, when I got toxic from the lithium I could not consume any dairy for about a month, after. It could be that simple. I will also do research on probiotics. That may be viable.
If you refuse to install grab bars or help him into the tub then use the services he qualifies for to have someone come out and do it for you - there’s no shame in this. A close family member had to do this for her father when he got old. They came out a couple times a week and bathed him and such. It isn’t a failure on your part as a caregiver if you use this service. Bed baths and bath wipes indefinitely are not good.
I second everything the lawyer said. Please listen to them!
More than likely he is very dehydrated at this point since he doesn't drink water. He hasn't been eating anything new so you can probably rule that out. He really should be seen by a doctor if this continues. It could be alcohol related. A virus. Who knows. Pedialyte is good to get electrolytes into him because of his problem.
It could be alcoholic liver damage. The reason he needs to get checked out.
Liver failure can also cause confusion and disorientation. Nausea. Fatigue.
Heather stop wasting time. You do not need to research probiotics or track byproducts right now. You don't need to "try to figure out a doctor's appointment" for Ron, you need to get a doctor to see him or an organization that can send someone to your house to talk to both of you and make some referrals.
You need to get him help. Call 211 in Houston and explain the situation and your transportation issues due to his wheelchair and weakness in transferring. Tell them he has stroke, traumatic brain injury, alcoholism, blood clot history, cognitive and physical decline that has not been diagnosed yet, undiagnosed memory issues, undiagnosed depression, and increasing personal care needs. Oh yeah, and he was hit by a car and has severe pain. They will help you find providers.
Also call the Area on Aging caregiver line I posted above. My local Area on Aging has helped my family in the past (parents and grandparents) and I wouldn't hesitate to call them again.
The people you will talk to have literally heard it all. Nothing will shock or disgust them. They are there to help.
She's not going to listen! I said a couple of weeks ago I'll not give any more help or advice. Good grief, a food log and probiotics, oh yeah that will take care of it. See what I mean!
Heather, let a doctor decide all that. You work hard and will help, but let someone who’s job it is decide how to aid a sick man. Follow their plan. You don’t know what to do—again no one reading does. Let a doctor who’s job it is to decide help. Your intentions and ethic are good, but he’s at a stage where you can’t deal without help.
Yeah don’t forget the B vitamins were all Ron needed
He drinks about a quart of juice a day so that helps with dehydration.
No nausea, good appetite.
Too much juice can cause diarreah. Which dehydrates. And it is full of sugar. Not an adequate hydration source.
It's a fruit/veggie blend (he doesn't know about the veggies). It has carrot, beet, etc. in addition to the usual fruits.
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