I got my shower, ate my protein and took my pills. I tried to lie down for a nap but Ron kept interrupting me. Last time was literally half a dozen times he wanted help adjusting in bed. I finally dragged him into a suitable position. I don't think you'll find that pull in the caregivers manual.
But I developed a headache while lying down, took some red elephant kratom for it, all the adjustments for Ron did not make it worse. Hopefully it will fizzle out now that I am getting a break from heavy lifting.
Opinions sought: should I tell Ron I will no longer help him get into bed if he is drunk? I am seriously considering it. He kept bugging me even when I had a migraine. This is something he can 100% control.
Caregiving really shows me who I am. I would love to see myself as this pure, selfless, hardworking, ready-on-demand martyr type. Always putting him first.
In reality I am resentful, bitter, frustrated. I get so upset when he drinks himself stupid and needs help with basic things like getting into bed. Especially if he hasn't bathed yet and I have to smell him as I handle him. I had to stick a hand in his armpit today. Not something I wanted to do.
So my illusions about being a wonderful person get stripped away, in addition to feeling like his "on demand, any time day or night caregiving assistant" bitch. At least my head IS feeling better. It seems Red Elephant works well enough on a moderate headache, just not the migraines.
All the cats are doing well. Spot is such a Mama's boy, he loves being close to her. I would really like to find him a good home but it will mean breaking them up. I do plan to find him a home with his littermate, Cleo the calico. I have got to save up and get the mother fixed, though. That is #1. She probably doesn't have long 'till her next heat. Keep her, rehome her, she still has to be fixed.
My guys are getting used to seeing her and the kittens on the porch, smelling Mama on my hands, and they don't growl or act aggressive. I am going to go drink a Diet Dr Pepper and see if I can finally squish this headache.
I did. I called my aunt, that's always a good thing, except the time she called me to tell me Dad was in the hospital, some years ago.
I went out and petted the cats a few times, and almost pet Spot. I sent my aunt some photos of the cats so she can see if anyone's interested in adopting. She will know people who can afford to take care of them.
I made a big bucket of diet raspberry lemonade. Drank the whole thing. Fed Ron, got a burrito into him.
I held the front door open for a while and Mama cat thought seriously about coming inside. I will feel a lot better when she does so I don't have to worry about their safety.
I took an MSM tablet, supposed to be good for joints, take on an empty stomach. I will be doing kettle bells tomorrow so it will be a good chance to see how it works.
At work, we have to do sales tax and pretty much done except for stocking, for a few weeks. Next week I plan to go to the eye place and get an exam, I need a stronger prescription. I am having trouble with fine print.
After that I need to get my filling done. I hate the chair though. I do have money saved for both. The eye place said they would do an exam and two standard bifocals for $100. Fillings tend to run about $100 with my discount plan.
I probably need to see if Ron wants a soda. I would rather give him milk but he won't drink it. And I need to figure out dinner for myself, probably a chicken parmesan. It comes with a nice amount of pasta and not to horrible on the "macros".
Not that I track my food.
11 comments:
I think you have to be honest with yourself. If Ron is starting to show signs of early dementia, you may need to let his doctor know. It doesn't mean he has to go to a nursing home or have someone out to your place. I know you're a very private person as well as Ron. It just simply means that Ron's doctor may have resources that can help you as a caregiver. Also, I've found that with people with early dementia, a mostly consistent schedule is the best even when they aren't scheduled for something.
Also, I think you understand alcohol and dementia do not mix well. The AA steps will not be able to be applied here because it relies on the person to be fully aware of what is happening and understanding why it is happening.
Again, it's best to talk to his doctor in regards to dementia because as a caregiver, you are responsible for his well-being. If Ron cannot live without his alcohol, at least try to dilute it with something like water and let the drivers know that they cannot deliver alcohol to him anymore because of liability.
Also, I have to ask you something since I know you like to be prepared. What if the world as we know it ended tomorrow, what will Ron do? What will YOU do?
Something to ponder over. Also, I'm loving the cat pictures. :)
-star_tigress
No you should tell ron no more drinking. Period. You always say things and honestly your follow through sucks. You told him he couldn't give the cats treats anymore when he threatened Biscuit. Then another time you said no more talking books for something else he did. Now he gives the cats treats and has his talking books so even if you told him you won't help him back to bed when he is drunk we all know that will not last and you will be back to helping him in no time at all.
Here is the problem: "Ron, I want you to stop drinking". "I won't, and here's the door if you mean it".
That's really my only option at present. HE HAS TOLD ME HE WILL CHOOSE DRINKING, OVER ME, EVERY TIME. As far as he is concerned drinking is the "wife" and I am the "bad habit".
If the world ended, btw, Ron would be OK until the kratom and booze ran out... then he would be in for a very ugly adjustment. I am better set for disaster.
I am in a similar situation. I never have free time, family is always asking me to babysit my grandkids allllll weekend after working 40 hrs.
If you don't put up and enforce your boundaries you will feel used and exhausted. It's exhausting also to have to fight to keep your boundaries from being overstepped. I have an internal fight with my softer side that says they need me and my selfish side that says I need time for myself. But. It's not selfish. You have to replenish yourself so you have something to give when you want to be helpful. I would let him lay there.
The point is you have the control. He does not. He is not capable of living by himself and if a caregiver came in they would not allow him to drink like that because it would be a liability on their part. So here is the conversation. You will stop drinking or you will go into a nursing home. Either way you will no longer be drinking. If he needs to go into rehab first then so be it but no more drinking. Why does every scenario with this man in your head end with HIM getting to keep everything and YOU losing everything? It is messed up how cowed you are by other people. Especially when they are in the wrong, not you. Like I said you need to go talk to someone about your rights and protecting yourself and your home from this man.
You don't have to get a divorce to leave him. If that's what's holding you back.
Yeah a lot of things would change in your life or you can wait it out, for him to die. I'll warn you it could be a long time. My dad drank for 30 years.
Legally he cannot just say “heather, there’s the door” and you immediately have to leave and find another place to live. He cannot kick you out. That is your established residence. He would have to take you to court / divorce you /etc. So try again.
Remind him in doing so he would be losing his caregiver and best employee and not to mention devoted wife. If he says oh well then THATS HIS CHOICE and you are free to have a normal, happy life. He can choose the nursing home life.
Why won't you replay to legitimate comments and questions?
Which one was that? It is hard to keep track. Sometimes I think people just want to get shouty at me without getting an answer.
Why do you keep insisting you have to move if you decide to give ron an ultimatum about the drinking?
Here's how it will go down if we split. I won't move (not unless I am unsafe), he won't move for certain. We will have to live together until the court forces us to sell the house and split the proceeds.
Before my diagnosis he had put himself on a waiting list for assisted living, they had him wait listed for a hellhole in a terrible neighborhood. I do not believe he would do that presently. He has become more selfish.
He would also be utterly wrecked at losing his cat (of course I would take her). It would just be a bloody mess.
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