So I was awake. Ron was being irritating.
I figured hell with it and did my workout. Pretty standard but for him screaming "Hello? Hello!" so loudly I heard him in the garage. I was worried someone would call the police. He was already on the floor so it wasn't that. I stopped the set I was doing (finished it) and walked in the house. Like most body builders I rest between sets anyway. And I figure helping Ron generally takes a minute or two, about the time I would take anyway.
"What is it? I am busy!" He wanted a pillow. I gave it to him, went back out, finished. I went outside and fed the cats. They were happy to see me and even Cleo crept up on my side.
I took my shower, again uneventful but for him yelling a few times. He said he was sorry when I told him I was in the shower and said it was no big rush.
I could tell he was sobering up. He is usually pretty pleasant when he is sober but drunk he is everything but.
I went in his room. He was sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed, he asked if I could "give him a push". We have a system where he gets on all fours, raises his butt in the air, I haul upward and to the side, into bed. Then I pick up his legs and put them in. It works for us.
He was at the literal foot of his bed. I told him to scoot up and then I would do it, I only wanted to do this once. He felt that was reasonable and scooched. He did his thing, I did mine, into bed easily. He said "Wow, that was easy" (one reason I do work out) and thanked me.
I could have left him on the floor but I don't like to see myself as a vindictive person. I have to honor my faith.
Ron has totally disrespected his end of the marriage contract, he does provide for my physical needs but that is about it. He verbally abuses, sleep deprives, reads porn, etc. I know my hands are clean if I do walk.
As of this point and time I am not ready to walk out. Do I stupidly think he will reform, or I can "save" him? No. But he can't go on like this for long. He is literally living on strawberry vodka with very little human food. He is burning up his engine. I have done what I can but at the end of it it's not much.
I am more inclined, at this point, to let our contract run out. There are things I need to fix (in my head, and out) - time I will need to take for myself (not to mention I will be working a lot). Eventually I may get back into dating or just have some casual male friends. I am fine with being celibate if it works that way.
8 comments:
Just the thought of his naked ass in your face while you push him into bed is unsettling. I am surprised you still fool around with him what with all the abuse. Hopefully he is not forcing you.
That's one line he hasn't even gone near. He is actually like the different personality disorder. There is fun Ron, enjoyable to be around, kind to small kittens and chides me because he thinks I don't pet Torbie enough.
Then there is drunk, slobbery, lowest-denominator Ron. No fun to be around, I avoid him if at all possible.
There is abusive Ron, drunk or sober it depends, just horrible and tries to hit below the belt and go after my weak spots - no holds barred "I feel you injured me with your tone of voice so I am going to say horrible savage things to you for 20 minutes because I am entitled." Also awful to be around.
There is hard working Ron, great work ethic, does everything he can for himself and the business, works to be a good provider, etc. Occasionally eclipsed by drunk Ron.
No one chooses to be with a creep/jerk. But he is not all bad 100% of the time and that's what I focus on.
“No one chooses to be with a creep/jerk. But he is not all bad 100% of the time and that's what I focus on”
100% FALSE
Yes that attitude is exactly how All abused women think. Good thing you are fixed since you are like a cat in heat.
Ron would pop a vessel if I told him you said that.
Even the Al anon book said "You can make love to the person you married, not the person they are now". It was very tastefully put.
I am actually not fixed, he is. I believe my clock has about run out on fertility though if we're talking about it.
I don't focus on the positive? I am a liar for saying I do?
How long have you been reading? Do you really think I would have made it this long without focus on the positive? I will just leave it at that.
it’s one thing to focus on the positive but you are being abused and you use that .01% of the time Ron is “good” as a reason to stay.
Let me put it this way, after Ron drinks/abuses himself to death I am sure I will look at things differently.
But right now I see the guy who gave me $200 to take Mama cat to the vet, and asked me to let him know if I need more for her spay, because "That shouldn't come out of your paycheck".
Post a Comment