I am trying to be most positive and an upbeat person.
Ron is calling...
OK. I am working at being more positive and seeing good in challenging things. I think that is a better and healthier outlook.
I slept OK but woke up exhausted and skipped my workout due to a nasty headache. I was due to start my cycle today as well. I always get a bad headache (not a migraine, just a nasty one) the day I start my cycle. Not much fun but that's the way it goes these days.
My birth mother did not hit menopause until well into her 50's, so I could have a while yet. That will, I tell myself, give me time to lose weight because everyone says it is harder after menopause.
So I took precautions today. And did not work out due to the headache.
Ron was in a heart wrenching amount of pain. It was absolutely horrible to watch. Whatever he has done to me, he pays for it days like today. He was in constant pain with periodic spikes that had him jerking his leg and screaming with pain, like someone had a voodoo doll. It was just wearing to watch, and heartbreaking because I do love him.
Our ride was late. She had 2 other clients in the vehicle. One was an obese lady who must have had a very important bag because it got it's own seat. It was apparent Ron would have to ride in the wheelchair compartment. I sat in the back seat, behind the driver.
I try to view the positive in things; so, we got there alive. We did not get in any accidents. We got there fairly quickly.
[Baby Girl was running around the house meowing like a crazy animal, I had to give her and Torbie treats]
So, it was a technical good ride. BUT she had a huge duffel bag full of crap, took each item out individually, played with it, taking her eyes off the road to look at it, hand off the steering wheel to manipulate it, playing with her hair, putting it down, putting it up, taking her focus off the road to do this. Hey, let's put a visor on! Let's take a snack out, eat it while driving, and throw the wrapper out the window at 80 mph. She would veer into other lanes. I think she had ADHD because she simply could not focus on driving.
I kept thinking "If I call in on her and ask them to review the video, they will fire her!" Then we get to work and she wants to get on "I just want the hours". I had to tell her, at the starting job sometimes you work many hours, sometimes very few. The hours are not consistent and it is brutal work. She blew me off. She was such a poor driver I didn't want her in the employee parking lot so I had her pull into the handicapped spot in visitor parking and let us out there.
SO glad to get out, I almost kissed the ground. Like I said, I did try to find some positive in the ride. I am still able to walk and type, after all.
Work wasn't bad, the actual tasks. Ron kept screaming in agony now and then and was CLEARLY in a lot of pain, very hard to watch. If I believed in that stuff I would say I'm an empath.
I did keep him pretty busy, I was very proud of us. The first machine had a dime stuck in the mechanism. We had to disassemble it, turn it upside down, shake it out, remount it, then reload it. Between the two of us, we did it. It was funny, we kept giving each other credit. Now all our customers will get their dime back on their transaction.
At one point, holding the dismounted cassette, I told Ron "I hope sandwiches don't call right now". They didn't.
Turns out this morning's rain was enough to flood the streets by their office so they were very late getting to us today.
The pain doctor rescheduled for tomorrow.
Ron continued to have a rough time of it but I got all my work done. I added some protein shakes to the food machine, it is a nice shelf stable item that is really good quality and flavor, a pretty good price. If nothing else it fills the machine.
We finished up and headed out, a break in the rain. Ron is continual pain. The driver was a little late but he is a nice guy with his own back problems.
I got Ron home. And I gave him some Kratom.
I bought it a while ago and have given him a few doses, he has had no problems taking it and VERY good results. He did, however, want to "stack" it with copious amounts of vodka but was very well behaved. 4 hours later he says he is in NO pain.
Good stuff. I did my research before I got it for him. It's a tree leaf from Asia, they take the veins off and dry it, put it on capsules (Ron's). Take up to 8 a day. Totally legal in Texas.
I first heard about it on a health and fitness message board, a lot of wounded veterans were taking it to the extent they had KILOS of the stuff on hand. I did my research. I don't think I should take it with the mental illness but it sure seems to work for Ron.
And that's exactly why I got it, for those days like today when he is practically sobbing and I could say "Here, take this" and the pain is gone. Likely I will be getting more.
I also plan to get him some acupuncture. I think various modalities can help. His energy channels are "disturbed" to say the least and it might be just the ticket. It is a HELL of a lot safer and cheaper than surgery. We live pretty much in a mixed partially Asian neighborhood so some acupuncturists nearby.
Heck, I'll even pay for the first treatment. And Ron has responded well to all this, he was willing - desperate - the first time he took the Kratom but it worked for him AND he slept great. He has a lot of issues with sleep. Hopefully between that and the needles we can ease the worst of this.
I would love to see Ron walking around again but I doubt that will ever happen, BUT we can make him comfortable in the wheelchair. NOT sorry, the only option we were given was extensive surgery.
I took a nap, slept with Biscuit and Torbie. We had a good time, they are very sweet and cuddly. I love them so.
I woke up with another (same?) headache but some caffeine took care of most of it. Probably still not working out today.
I used to be offended Baby Girl never slept with me but recently I saw Torbie beat the stuffing out of her for going in my room. So I think Torbie is keeping her away. Torbie is fairly possessive.
I talked to Ron recently and we agreed no more cats if/when Torbie dies. Baby Girl would be quite upset. We might be able to foster a couple of kittens if we shut the door but Ron would want to keep them all.
If we lived in the country! We would have quite the crew! Three legged dogs, blind cats, etc.
So I am feeling better now, I found something that works (at least some of the time) on his worst pain, that is a huge load off me. You can't imagine how awful it is to hear a loved one suffering and you can do NOTHING to stop it.
Well, I got out my debit card... and he isn't hurting. Not sorry.
29 comments:
My sister in law just had outpatient back surgery, 9 broken vertabrae were fused with medical cement. She walked out, standing straight and hardly any pain.
Ron was screaming in pain, unable to even sit up, for days after his "easy" laminectomy. He has many things wrong with his back including scoliosis, kyphosis, severe arthritis with degenerative changes, disc disease, etc. Last time, he had what is basically considered outpatient work. I can't imagine what a more extensive procedure would do to him.
That is, assuming it even "worked" which is of course the big question. Would he end up in more pain? Would he end up paralyzed? Ron sure has more pain since his last back surgery.
If we get in an accident we will do what we must but we are not doing anything else. I have to take care of him and the business - he would have to go to rehab again and that wasn't cheap. Not to mention wear and tear on me.
Ron refuses to do physical therapy. He also keeps drinking. He refuses to eat right.
The surgeries may have worked if they had a patient who tried.
I just read cbd is legal in Texas now. CBD isn't psychoactive so Ron can't get high taking it, which I know is a concern for you. It's supposed to be great for nerve pain. I don't think it's a miracle cure but really could help someone like Ron - my husband actually takes cbd oil because he says it keeps him calmer at work.
My SIL and husband both have kyphosis and SIL also has brittle bones.
Maybe a 2nd opinion?
BTW, My SIL is 65
He's seen several doctors. His back is just totally f*cked. Many things going on, not just one. Like people who say "I get it, I have a bulging disc" EVERY disk in his lower back! "Yeah, I have some arthritis at t4" - EVERY vertebra has arthritis in it, with spurring and other fun things I forget. The spinal cord is too tight in the canal. Nerves pinched all over.
If he did have the surgery probably 12 hours of it and NEVER stand up again. No surgery.
I will ask the doctor about acupuncture today. Hopefully that will help with the pinched nerves, which are as far as I can tell the "worst" part that gets him screaming and keeps him up all night. Just HORRIBLE to watch, let me tell you.
I would absolutely try CBD. Ron has said no pot products unless they get him high. LOL I actually wouldn't mind that because I have seen him high on pot and it is much better than drinking.
I also found them to be pretty expensive. It is something I might consider for my headaches, though - the really bad migraines. As far as I know my doctor would be fine with that.
OOOh! Blaming the victim!
He did EVERYTHING right at the rehab hospital and they had him marching all over. He was very active using his walker everywhere he went until one sad day he just couldn't.
Don't forget, we have extremely active jobs. In Ron's ideal world he is picking up 40 pound cases on a regular basis, squatting, lifting, reaching, standing, walking, etc. All things I do. But it just won't let him. Please also scroll up to my comment about just everything that is wrong with his back.
As it is he does a fair amount of reaching and some lifting (10 pounds). Occasionally more, the jars of change we use are about 20 pounds each.
Diet, absolutely could stand to improve it. I do have "better" foods around - yesterday we got Dominoes and I got him their grilled chicken with bbq sauce and bacon, much lower carb and higher protein than the other options, and he loves eating it. Adele Davis (famous nutritionist) once said it was a waste of time to prepare food that wasn't appealing. He won't eat pretty much any vegetable, or milk, but he will do cheese sticks. Biscuit doesn't like that because, unlike me, Ron doesn't share the cheese stick. :p
Honestly not sure what alcohol has to do with his back. He says alcohol helps with the pain. I am hoping to get him away from that.
"Honestly not sure what alcohol has to do with his back. He says alcohol helps with the pain. I am hoping to get him away from that. "
Why do you keep lying. He has said that the alcohol does not help with the pain and you have said that on multiple occasions. All it does is make it so he passes out eventually. The pain pills help with the pain but since he used them up early this month from taking more than the prescribed dose he was forced to suffer and be in pain (which you warned him about and he ignored the warning). No pot is not the answer as the man would be doing the pain pills, drinking and smoking pot. At least be honest about the situation instead of going back and forth.
And if I recall when you blogged about the rehab stay after his back surgery you talked about how he had no pain and did not drink and was a delight to be around. I guess that was all a bunch of lies to.
I will agree that back surgery does not guarantee that it will work and some patients do have even more pain after the surgery. Not to mention it is even in their disclaimer they make you sign before surgery. So no I agree with no more back surgeries. My dumb ass FIL had 9 back surgeries and is still in pain. I think acupuncture is worth a try. Even an inversion table maybe to get the pressure off the vertebrea since he is sitting or laying down a lot of the time and never walks around.
Heather, agree that was a jerk statement, but nurse here.
Heavy drinking exacerbates back pain.
It makes backs worse.
It makes kidneys fail and back pain heavier.
It won’t let the spine and parts around it heal.
Lots more.
Ron has it tough and I would never blame him—drinking does ease pain but it adds more.
If he didn’t drink his back may be a lot better and he could do more. It’s sad but true, he’s had it rough :(. You are in my prayers.
He usually says that alcohol helps, but sometimes it does not, which is why I am trying to get him on something safer.
Ideally fixing his back pain would eliminate the "need" to drink but I don't think anything can do that outside of his will.
They were giving him Oxy during rehab, if I was not clear. They would drug him and then drag him to physical therapy, then put him back to bed, give him another dose, let him sleep, eat, more physical therapy. There was a lot of Oxy going on during rehab. Ron said it did not get him high (nothing seems to do that) and did help tremendously with his pain. But he was in such bad shape the day he was admitted to rehab he could not even sit without pain, screaming in agony before Doc started ordering him Oxy. They had him off the Oxy by the time he came back to me, a month later. But the few times he came home he went back quickly before the dose wore off.
"Ideally fixing his back pain would eliminate the "need" to drink but I don't think anything can do that outside of his will. "
Still lying. He has said and you have posted that the pain pills take away his back pain. He is not drinking because of the back pain. Just tell the truth. Go back and read your previous posts on this. Sad when you start to believe the b.s. ron shovels day in and day out.
You must have good legs from all the jumping to conclusions. SOMETIMES the pills help, SOMETIMES they do not and I get to listen to him scream in agony for hours as he throws back one drink after another, finally passing out and becoming quiet.
THAT is my life, not the one you are trying to write for me.
You do realize all of his screaming and carrying on is stressful for you and the cats (especially the cats who have no choice in the situation). More than likely his antics and screaming is the reason Biscuit got his bladder infection as they can be brought on by stress. All the more reason for you to not bring another animal into the home until the human animal you call your husband is no longer in your home. Speaking of cats what happened to the momma cat and the babies? Did they come back?
Biscuit got sick due to his cat food being wrong for him. Pretty much every male cat I've had (save Bubba) has had the condition, bladder stones that block the urethra. It can cause kidney failure if not caught quickly, which is why i whisked Biscuit to the vet the second I saw him squatting. As a result, Ron has said he would rather not have any more male cats after this, because of the condition. It is not an infection, they actually form stones in the bladder I could see on ultrasound when they examined Biscuit. The trapped urine can get infected, which is what happened to poor Frosty. I waited overnight to take him in, and by the time I did he had both infection and failed kidneys, and all I could do was put him down. I resolved NEVER AGAIN and I have always taken the cats in quickly every time they had a problem now. The good news it is easily treated with a special food, which Biscuit ADORES. He cries for it several times a day. It is not "cheap" compared to Meow Mix but he is worth it and I am happy to get it for him. Not sure what I will do with what's left when he dies, though. I buy it in big 20 pound bags so we will never run out. That would probably kill him.
I put a post on Nextdoor (neighborhood message board) saying "Don't let them run free, be responsible and fix them or I will" and I have not seen them again. I believe the owner read that and started keeping them inside, hopefully got mama fixed. I am leaving the water bowl out because it has been miserably hot and only a little rain now and then, so the animals outside are bound to be thirsty. I do have several cans of food if I see a hungry stray so I have something if they come back. I am glad the owner is being responsible, Gravy was killed running loose and I always wonder if someone ran him over or sicced their dog on him.
If every male cat you have had has had this condition then perhaps one can assume the problem is with you and not the cats. So my post about the stress making them sick still stands and holds true.
I didn't say every. Bubba was fine his whole life and experienced plenty of drama in his day, more than we see currently. You want some fun go back to 2010 2011 and look up some of the posts.
My childhood home was difficult, especially as a teenager - again a totally healthy male cat with no issues other than people who didn't change his box. And he was declawed, too (not my idea). That's a lot more stress than Biscuit has.
Some cats cannot process cat food properly. Those cats get the stones. My vet also said neutering young makes for a smaller penis and harder to pass gravel. I wish I had known that.
All this is reminding me to change the litter box.
It says something about a person who values an animal more than a suffering human being.
I don't even know they value my animals. They are an easy target.
The worst thing the vet has said about my cats is they are too fat, and Baby Girl has an oddly recurring issue with mats by her tail. I have been trimming BG's mats though, when Ron treats her or pets her.
Suffering people I can't do much about other than pray. Ron I found something for some of his pain. Interesting, thinking about it Ron and I hurt more than anyone else I know save a young mother who just lost her adult son.
Right, Heather. I'm tired of your readers who have no sympathy for Rons agony, you too. They act like animals are more important. They are important but not MORE important than a human life. Except maybe to the pro choice crowd.
"It says something about a person who values an animal more than a suffering human being." It also says a lot about a person who cares nothing about animals and only about people.
I have tried to help Heather by offering her options for leaving her abusive relationship. She refuses to get help and has said repeatedly that she will not leave him, ever.
Her father watched his wife drink and drink while pregnant and when Heather was born turned a blind eye to his wife's neglectful behavior of his child for quite some time. Most families are the reason for human suffering because most families refuse to stop abusers in their own family unit.
So let's place the blame where it belongs on why human beings suffer. They suffer because people who know about bad behaviors refuse to get involved and put a stop to it.
Why doesn't Heather's father, her stepmother or even her aunt get involved? They know what is going on and what Ron does and they do nothing.
Yet you have the nerve to complain because someone is concerned about an animal who cannot speak up for themselves who like an abused child has to suffer until a human being is willing to stand up and protect them. Pathetic in so many ways.
All suffering whether human or animal is bad and evil. To say humans are more valuable than an animal is callous and cold and heartless.
Not to mention humans not animals are the cause and the reason for suffering human beings and animals are slaughtered left and right and no one (save for a few activists here and there) says anything.
Think about the millions of cats and dogs who are perfectly healthy that are killed all because of thoughtless human beings who won't spay and neuter or who get tired or said animal. Yes that is the type of person who values a human life over the life of an animal.
Even wildlife is culled by our government in the millions each year to make room for "human beings."
Remember I got all my guys fixed the minute they walked in the door, or got them already fixed (Torbie).
To my Dad's credit I believe he is very worried about caregiver burnout. I get a lecture each week on how I need to take time for myself, etc., in his "worried" tone. My aunt probably worries more about my mental health, as long as I am taking my pills she is OK. But I have called her in the past when Ron was threatening and she picked me up, let me stay with her until he calmed down (in one case, a few days). I often tease Ron and tell him he should call my stepmother and say I left and he needs someone to take care of him now.
I think, in the case of my parents, they are afraid they will get "stuck" with either me or Ron if they manage to separate us. My aunt already has like 8 grandkids, 4 kids of her own, daughters in law, plus her own activities. There is not much she could do save pick me up and keep me overnight again. I think most people here watching our relationship, who know us, are afraid of what happens to Ron if I do walk off. Someone will have to take him, he can't live on his own. That may explain some of the reluctance. In the case of the other vendor he has stated he does not want Ron to resign, which would have to happen without my help.
What I really need is transportation. That's my big weak spot. My aunt helps take me crosstown to my doctor. That's 20 miles one way, a big help. I called her when Ron went into the hospital with blood clots and for things like that, she helped. But she has a lot on her plate so I'm not going to call her with "He called me a bitch again, and fell on the floor". What's the point? She can't do anything.
Our cats are pampered and indulged, sleep in the bed with us. I prop the garage door when I let them play out there (with the outside door down) because Biscuit is too dim to push the door to the house like the other cats. About the worst thing you can say on the animal front is "too many treats".
We are created in Gods image and to care for and take dominion over the animals. They are also food for us.
Heather said she doesn't want to leave Ron so maybe you should drop it.
"Right, Heather. I'm tired of your readers who have no sympathy for Rons agony, you too. They act like animals are more important. They are important but not MORE important than a human life. Except maybe to the pro choice crowd. "
Ron has made his choices. He has decided to spend his time drinking himself into a stupor. Not eating right. Not drinking water. Not doing any type of exercise to at least keep himself somewhat nimble. (I understand not wanting the surgery since the last one was unsuccessful). We all get the pain he is in BUT it does not excuse his abusive treatment of Heather.
He has pain pills that "work", had magnets that "worked", heck even the kratom works, but the only thing he really wants is a bottle of vodka. It was not a blessing when Ron survived his accident. He knows it. Heather knows it. Everyone knows it. But it is what it is. I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. But there is literally nothing anyone can do to get rid of it (all together). It can be managed but he will never have a good quality or pain free life.
Shame all you people praying to god can't get Ron healed and out of pain. At least we know he fixes vending machines.
If Heather left him he would go into a nursing home. I did not know blind people were so dependent on someone for feeding them, bathing them, etc. I wonder how the ones who don't have a spouse or can't afford a care giver do it. Some of his lack of ability to DO things is probably him having a pity party and depression.
How do you feel about all the human beings being culled by abortion?
SMH
God himself had the fatted calf sacrificed on the altar.
I have to say Ron has chosen to treat me badly (at times) well before the accident and before the onset of the pain. So I can't, as my parents do, excuse his abuse by saying "Oh, the poor thing, HE'S IN PAIN"
I do not abuse him when I have a migraine. I did not abuse him when he ran over my broken toe (by accident) in his wheelchair. I just let out a yelp and got out of the way. He's actually the one that got ugly then. I was not ugly - I went out and bought steel-toed shoes so he could not do it again. I did not abuse him when I had my foot problem, or sprained my finger and still had to work for weeks with my finger in a cast.
My limited experience says "You don't have to be an awful person when you are in pain". Yes, it is easier to be, but it is not mandated.
Your average childhood onset blindie is very independent and maybe only needs minor help with shopping or pretreating laundry stains. That's pretty much what I did for him before the accident, help shopping and laundry. He could cook, go to and from work on his own, fix things, build things, etc. It is the accident and all that came from it that has really disabled him. Neither of his arms work very well, one leg is all but useless. He can barely stand up to get himself in the wheelchair.
He would be fine for a while if I stocked the fridge with snacks and drinks, and boarded the cats. He cannot care for the cats at this point in time, and makes a point of thanking me profusely for that. He would probably hang out naked at home eating snacks periodically and listening to the radio. But he would need me to come home eventually. This is one reason I can no longer serve jury duty and will take the "care of an invalid" exemption next time I'm called.
Also, I never said I wouldn't leave Ron. I said it would have to get a lot worse. Dementia, for instance. We both agree that is a deal breaker. If he becomes physically abusive I would file charges and go through the system, see how that went, but probably end up leaving. If he ever hurt the cats. Cheating. Etc.
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