Friday, June 7, 2019

I hope the rest of the morning goes better

I slept fine, late for me, 7:30. 

I had nightmares.  I got up and finally decided to call it done for sleep. 

I fed the cats, Biscuit got a bite of the girls' food but one hasn't hurt him in the past.  But I yell at him and chase him off, resolved to be quicker about putting up the girls' food when they're done. 

The litter box needed work.  I got a plastic bag and my metal shovel (I love that thing) and got to work on the primary box.  Quite a harvest.  Everyone is eliminating just fine. 

I check a couple of other boxes and harvest them, too.  The bag is bulging.  Then I went in the back room (my bedroom) and got that box.  Now the bag is really screaming and I can hear the patter of it leaking, possibly getting ready to burst.  Note: only use double bag for litter from now on, even if it "doesn't look like much".  . 

Ron, by the way, has been in the kitchen the whole time drinking.  As I worked he failed to understand, from my conversation: I had nightmares and I am depressed.  I was annoyed,  he was also planted in the kitchen drinking vodka out of the bottle. 

I will have to ask him what happened to portion cups. 

Anyway, I told him I needed him to move in about 30 seconds (while I put the scoop away) and I could hear the bag going.  I ran over and shoved it in another bag - I have them hanging nearby, so no worries about a rupture. 

I went back to the kitchen and Ron was casually drinking out of his bottle.  I was pretty annoyed.  I lied and told him the bag was breaking and I needed to get over to the trash can.  He very slowly took another drink, fumbled around for the bottle cap, found it, placed it on the bottle, opened the fridge, and put the bottle away.  Then he very slowly pushed out of the fridge and headed down the hall. 

Very aggravating.  I told him it was urgent he move, he didn't.  It is a good thing I got that other bag or I'd have had 5 pounds of used litter and cat poop all over the floor.  And he wouldn't have helped me clean up! 

I just don't feel like he's reliable, these days.  That is a sad place to be. 

Ron forced me into reading many books on psychology because all my emotional problems were (he felt) caused by a bad childhood and I just needed to "get over it" so I could move on with my life.  So I read many of the ones they had him read in psychology class (yes, he majored in psychology, didn't graduate): The Intimate Enemy, Pairing, some Nancy Friday book about women "owning" their bodies, Eric Berne, Thomas Harris, Transactional  Analysis, Open Marriage, etc.  All the hits of the 70's. 

None of it, of course, helped.  And I told Ron this the other day, all those books you had me read, the mindsets you wanted me to have, all the false beliefs that is was just "bad programming".  FALSE.

The real irony is that Ron has done far more damage than my family did.  I have no doubt I will need counseling after this is done.   

A good example is Eric Berne.  He believed Schizophrenics were made, not born.  He believed, basically, that inconsistent parenting (the behavior he described was a bipolar mother, but he didn't name that) would create an afflicted individual. 

Now of course we know it is all entirely organic, and can ONLY be treated with medication.  Just like my problems.  And I told him that, all those books, all those beliefs, all the programming that it was all "in my head" and "just a bad mommy" when I had a real, organic, disease.  He didn't say much to that. 

I then told him it really put me off psychology for a very long time, but I was willing to read this book about how we talk to ourselves.  Ron is always beating himself up, and, by extension, me too.  I can only believe he will treat me better if he is truly treating himself better - and I don't mean indulging his addictions and laying around in bed.   I suggested he order the book from the State Library and we could read it together. 

And I got a flat NO.  All the books I read for him, he won't read one for me.  One I believe would help because even he admitted he is not kind to himself. 

So a little aggravated at Ron.  I will get better; he won't. 

I did check the mail and got a coupon from Chewy.  Biscuit has to eat prescription food and treats.  So they sent me a coupon for $15 off that if I bought over $49.  That was easy.  I got home and got online. 

Biscuit's food, the big bag, is $70.  I also threw some treats in there for him because he loves them so much.  Well over $49 now.  Then I asked Ron if he needed anything for the girls.  He wanted the big canister of treats with the screw on lid.  I got one, I also got a bag of Shrimpy Shrimp because the girls love that and that is "our" little treat now and then. 

All done!  An eye watering total.  I applied the coupon.  Much better.  I checked out.  I should get it in a few days.  I don't know if they have to check with Biscuit's vet every time or just the first time, but we will see, that may take another day so probably Monday or Tuesday.   Since Biscuit can only eat the one food, and my experience with the other urinary formulas has been terrible, I really want a good supply for him.  And treats.  He deserves a treat now and then. 

The girls really like the Royal Canin Indoor 7+ formula.  I try to get Torbie to eat the older cat formula but she will preferentially eat the "other" food.  It is still good for her. 

So I did that right,and very happy about it.

Right now I am sitting in my chair deciding if I want to get in my exercise gear and take a 20 some minute walk before I take a shower and go to Walmart.  But one day I did a walk and then Walmart and my foot was mad.  So I may wait. 

I am right on track with my fitness goals for everything this week so not an urgent need to go do some heavy cardio.  Those kettlebells, etc. really do the job.

I can feel the 2 caffeine drinks working so I will go take my shower. 

No comments: