I slept OK last night and I thank God for that. Ron is "trying" to "be good" right now, I will enjoy it while it lasts.
But I woke up horribly depressed, went back to bed, had strange dreams about inner-city kids at an Indian restaurant, woke up again, dragged myself out of bed.
I just couldn't get started. My depression was not helped when Ron rolled himself into the kitchen and began drinking. He was able to stop and get back into bed, but it's still awful to watch an addict.
I have to remind myself, watching my severely crippled husband struggle is depressing. Watching him drink is even more depressing.
I love him in spite of the first, most of what is wrong with him is not his fault. He has had clear thinking today so I'm not worried about that today.
He was very affectionate and kept telling me he loved me. I appreciated that and I believe he loves me as much as he CAN.
He got back to bed OK and didn't fall. Last I heard he was talking to his cat. I was teasing him, calling her "greasy and matted". She is not greasy but she is matted, I will have to work on her some more today.
I don't want her to associate me with discomfort. I will give her a lot of treats while I try to untangle her.
I need to do my workout, take my pills, and then take a shower. I am just having a hard time starting. I have the energy (I changed into my workout clothes), I just lack motivation.
I'll get there, but it's almost 10 now. Ron is taking me to the Waffle House later. That will be fun but probably no time for a nap. Not a long one.
My headache was better this morning on the "new" pillow. I will keep the old ones around for when I want to read in bed - I don't have a headboard so I sort of pile them up and lean back.
I think I will ask Ron for a new Kindle for my birthday. The new ones have lights built in. That would be cool. I can still keep the old one for when I am out.
OK, I had 2 mountain dews and now a giant bucket of iced tea. The caffeine is working so I feel like I have enough energy to do my workout and shower.
This has not been an easy day for me. Reminds me of how bad it was before my diagnosis.
2 comments:
I know it's hard, but God loves you. We all just do the best we can, and some days are harder than others to cope. The world we live in is not our home, and the time line of lives, is just a vapor. Prayers for you dear.
When I have days like that Heather, I try to tell myself that this day will pass, and the next day will be better. Most days are better, a lot of days are good. Problem is, at my age, I’m running out days to have too many bad ones as opposed to good, or even at least tolerable :)
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