First a little background, Ron, even living in Houston, only saw his family a few times a year.
When he was injured, they did not think to call me or come get me. A friend of mine came and got me, brought me to the hospital. They were not happy to see me.
Forgive me if you're read this before, but I need to share the background.
The day of the accident his sister said, quite cheerfully "If he's had a stroke we'll just put him in a nursing home". I said that would be a problem and I would fight it. They said I wasn't his wife and didn't get to make decisions, they did.
That set the tone for the next several weeks. I confidentially told the staff what Ron's sister had told me about the nursing home, so they used words like CVA and ICH instead of stroke, which is what Ron had, in addition to his many other injuries.
I kept saying, give him to me, give me some training, and I will take care of him. This is one reason I am so reluctant to leave, because I did fight so hard on his behalf.
His sister went behind my back and told Ron's doctor I could not care for him because I had "a bad back" and the doctor laughed at her. It was their understanding, if we all just banded together and said we wouldn't take care of him, Ron would go to a nursing home.
I tried to stay out of all the [censored] stupid family politics. I was only interested in helping Ron. Even in ICU the staff noticed he did better when I was around, and gave me an all-access pass, any time, day or night, as long as I wanted to stay with him. I took advantage.
His siblings liked to go in, ignore Ron, and gossip with the nurses about me, and what a bitch I was.
So, we weren't getting along to begin with. But because someone was a macho male idiot and had refused to marry me, I had no legal say. That went to Ron's dad.
Ron's Dad was great, we were on the same side, wanted what was best for Ron.
Ron had his disability check turned off when he started the business, because he would be able to support himself. That meant he had no insurance.
They had a family meeting. They all decided Ron would go to his parents until his Medicare went through for a nursing home. I fought that bitterly and ended up walking out of the meeting before I embarrassed us both.
We were supposed to have a meeting so I could learn how to "transfer" Ron - get him in and out of bed, in and out of wheelchair, on and off commode chair. We'll say it was at 11 am. Ron's brother, Dad, and nephews were all supposed to come (being Big Strong Men) and learn what to do. I was considered to be second rate by the therapist because I almost dropped him once.
If I look bad in any of this, I look bad, at least I am honest. I was not good at transfers.
So his brother came early, and brought me a DR Pepper. I appreciated that. I worked on that while he said he wanted to run and errand and have me come along.
He took me to a welfare office and demanded I go in and apply to get Ron a "gold card" - basically Medicaid for my county. I explained I couldn't just walk in and get it, I would have to make an appointment.
He got very angry and said I had dropped the ball. The gold card was instrumental in their plot to force Ron into a nursing home. He locked all the doors and began driving. I couldn't get out.
He said he was taking me to Social Security to see that I had gotten Ron's disability check and Medicare into motion, because they needed that - it was instrumental - for the nursing home. I told him they wouldn't let us do that, you had to make an appointment. He basically accused me of f*cking up all the welfare paperwork and "ruining everything" by wanting to take care of Ron myself.
He scared me, he was not rational at all. I kept reminding him of the appointment to learn how to take care of Ron and he cursed at me. I did not have a cell phone at this time.
I prayed about it, and God reminded me of something. A secret Ron's brother had told him, which Ron had then told me. I reminded the man of the secret. Said Ron and I didn't have any secrets from each other, but I bet he had a secret from his wife. One I knew.
He asked me how I knew and I told him Ron told me. He started swearing and beating on the wheel. Asked me what I wanted. "Take me back to the hospital" I told him.
He took me back. He was Not Happy about it but protecting the secret was more important. He also knew, in the mood I was in, I would also tell his parents and sister.
I was about 5 minutes late for the appointment when he let me out. He then asked me, if Ron loved me so much, why he didn't marry me. When Ron heard that he was furious and called his brother, said, "If you can't treat Heather with the respect due my wife I don't want you in my life". I was very proud of him.
The physical therapist came in, looked around, and asked me "Where is the family? They were supposed to be here!"
"I'm here" I replied, and she gave me the lessons I needed.
No comments:
Post a Comment