I'm OK tonight

I got up after sleeping in as late as I could, ate, took my pills, took my shower, etc.  I watched some TV and got on my computer.

Then I tried to take a nap "While it was quiet" and you can guess how that ended - not very quiet for long!  I did manage to eke out a little sleep.

Ron was in his usual dismal mood, drinking vodka, lying in bed with Baby Girl.

I turned on my phone and my aunt sent me a text, inviting me to dinner tonight.  I asked Ron if he would like to go.  He said NO.  He said they didn't want me and were just being polite.  He went on in the "They don't want you" theme for a while.

I called her and accepted.  She was delighted.  Ron was furious.  He got worse.  More verbal abuse and telling me they didn't want me around, I was desperate for affection, etc.  Implied I was weak, intrusive, and demanding.

Just UGLY.

He sent my aunt a text but she didn't let it faze her, whatever he said.  She just repeated her invitation.

I was happy when they showed up.  Ron was in his underwear and adamant he didn't want to see anyone.  I didn't know what he might say (he had been drinking) so I just told them he wasn't feeling social.

We went to their house and I saw 3 of my 4 cousins (offspring of my aunt and uncle), and their kids.  I had a good time, it was nice not to be on guard, nice to see healthy love relationships modeled.  I was glad I hadn't brought Ron.

My aunt gave me a gift, two books on caregiving.  Good, I need them.

We had very good Mexican food for dinner.  It was nice to pray out loud without Ron shouting about "Torture Man" - see why I'm glad I left him at home?

We did a Bible study and some singing afterward.  My aunt got a photo of me reading the Bible that shows my double chin perfectly!  I need to get all that sucked out!

Eventually my cousins left to take their kids to bed.  I hung out with my aunt, uncle, and a family dog for a while.  She's a big old lab, very sweet.  Ron would have loved her.  But I'm still glad he stayed home.

Then my aunt took me home.  Traffic was very light.  I did agree with Ron on one thing he said today, I wanted my family home before all the drunks hit the road.  Hopefully we did that.

I came home to #6 lit up like a runway, cars out front, gate wide open, cars and kids everywhere, but they haven't been too bad since I got home.

I guess they got the worst of the energy out before I got home.

I found Ron passed out in his wheelchair, in the kitchen, snoring.  God only knows how much he drank.  He is not screaming at me, bleeding, or messing up my floor so I will call it good.

#6 has been pretty quiet for these types of events.  I have hope I will actually get to sleep before midnight.

I truly believe Ron was hostile because he remembers his family used to be very welcoming and inclusive.  Then they basically killed him after the accident, and acted as if he had died, didn't want Ron around anymore, especially during Christmas.

Ron had a lot of happy Christmas memories with his family, so this is a blow.  Instead of addressing the hurt directly, he gets angry when my family does include me.  They'd be happy to include Ron, too, but he won't see it.  It's like he's saying if he can't have his family of origin he doesn't want anyone.  He says all the things he thinks about his own family - they don't love you, they don't want you, if they invite you they are just being polite and you are expected to refuse, etc.

My family doesn't work like that.  Either we mean it or we don't say it.  We're very clear in that regard.

But he had the kind of night he thought he wanted.  I had the night I wanted.  #6 is having the night they wanted.  Everyone else in the neighborhood is unhappy, though.

But I'm OK tonight.

Edit to add: Baby Girl brought me a live grasshopper.