A blast from the past

I started off a little annoyed.

Ron has this "thing" about Torbie.  I don't think he believes she really loves him for who he is, and is always looking for her "angle".  She likes him, he is treat man, gentle with her, and likes petting her.  She loves petting and will literally paw at my face if I stop petting her.

She likes to hang out with him.  For whatever bizarre reason, that upsets him.  He thinks I am neglecting her and "forcing' her to seek him out.  She doesn't work that way.  As I've said she will paw my face if she feels neglected.  Or scold me.  She has a scolding meow.

I tell him this, she likes you.  It doesn't mean I have "failed" her in any way.  She is a generous cat and shares her love with everyone.  Even plumbers.

But he got pretty ugly about it because I wouldn't go pet her when he told me to, and started saying things about my mother and stepmother.  They used to be raw points for me, I would get very upset if you compared me to either, but now I just ignore it.  Which I did.

But the cat is fine.  She wanted the fan so she got on the bed, lying by his feet, directly in front of the fan.  Even Baby Girl was fine with that and laid down right next to her.

I said screw it and put on my workout clothes, bike shorts and a tshirt.  Not too loose, though.  I watched some youtube videos about side lunges with a kettle bell. That sounded like fun and I wanted to add something into the workout.

I did a warmup on the bike and then did the side lunges.  I did double the amount of get ups I can normally do so a good call.  Then I did the rest of my workout.  It was very hot and humid in the garage (but I had the headache earlier) so I used the chalk on the heavy kettlebell.

I had a good workout, logged it, and then did some stretching for several minutes.  I have always been HORRIBLE about stretching and have found it better to do just after the workout.

Then all done, came in the house.  It felt so nice and cool.  I had taken a salt tablet and drank a big (32 ounce) Powerade but I felt it was probably a good idea to take another tablet.  So I did.  My clothes were soaked.

So that's all done.  I met my cardio goals for the week and I did 2 kettle bell workouts, and my stretching.  Not bad for the headache.

I saw something interesting on Facebook last night.  For whatever reason, I am getting updates on my primary abuser on Facebook.  He sent me a friend request years ago which I took, just to see how he was doing.

NOT VERY WELL.  My parents try to put a good spin on things but he sounds like my birth mother, just chaos and one drama after another.  And they aren't even related, he is my step brother.

He used to come in my room (without permission), verbally abuse me, physically abuse me, etc. and I used to get in trouble for defending myself.  She would be patting him on the head, consoling him,and giving him treats while I was punished for defending myself against abuse.

It upset me for a long time until I realized how badly that damaged him.  If you act like a shithead in the real world, you get punished.  She never taught him that.  No one says you are a poor baby when you go off on someone.  You don't get prizes for attacking someone unless you are an MMA fighter, which he's not.  So he has really struggled.  From what I can tell he has a major drinking problem and is not consistent with his pills, one reason my parents are always so awestruck I am on the plan and compliant with my treatment plan.

So, in the end, I won.  Anyway he put up another photo.  They are always so dark and depressing.  This one he was wearing eye makeup (he is in his 40's) and an upside down cross.  How old are we?  This is something I would expect from a 22 year old, or his teenage son, even.  He looks so jaded and dissipated.  Just awful.

I am glad he is not in my life.  Amusingly enough, I took Ron to the family reunion in 2009.  One night "the steps" (two stepbrothers and my stepsister) "borrowed" Ron and went drinking together for hours.  Ron bought a couple of rounds and they talked.  They brought him back very drunk, almost falling out of his wheelchair, saying they were "sorry" (right!) they got him so drunk.

The next day, each of them, individually, came up to me and told me Ron had their seal of approval, he was "cool" and they really liked him.  Including my abuser.  I found that really interesting.  I never wanted his approval.  Here the kid who called my husband "a raghead" (but he is not racist, just ask his Facebook) was now approving.

I asked Ron what he said to them,he said he told them how much he loved me, how great I was, etc.  And he bought a couple of rounds.  That is apparently all it took.

So now they all think he is "totally cool".  If I wanted their approval, which I don't.

So that's done...just an interesting side note.  It used to be hearing about the abuser would upset me for a while but now I just blow it off.   He is making a miserable life for himself, but it's the one he wants.  We all have choices and he is making bad ones.

He wanted to be a bartender, then he wanted to be a hairdresser, he was working an assembly line for a while, God only knows if he is even working now.  Not at a good job, dressed like that!  If I showed up like that for work they would laugh me out of the building!

But I got my workout, that is DONE so I don't have to worry about it.  I like to get the kettle bells Tuesday and Friday.  Those days seem to work better for me.  "They" say 3 days a week is better but it is too hard for me because I have a physical stocking job and helping Ron.  I always seem to get enough cardio if I get the two workouts.  I like taking walks in the park or riding the exercise bike.  I haven't felt a rush to buy any other fitness equipment.

But I am so glad I got the chalk.  My hands were getting really sweaty out there.  I don't want sweaty hands gripping a 30 pound kettle bell I am swinging in an arc towards my bedroom.  That just sounds like a bad ending.  But the chalk gives me enough grip so it stays where it should, in my hands.

Mama cat and Spot love the baby food, I will have to get more.  I got some on my hand so I wiped it on Spot, Mama cat had a lot of fun licking him off!  Very cute.

I think I am going to take my shower now and not tomorrow morning, then I can take another shower tomorrow night after my walk.  But first I need to see if I need to do laundry, and then clean the litter boxes.

Later on I will get dressed again, go out, and feed the cats again.  I am feeding them pretty much all they can eat.

Edit: did laundry, cleaned the boxes, took a shower.  Went out and fed the cats again, this time Cleo crept up by my foot and ate, glancing up at me every second or so to make sure I wasn't about to GET her.  Poor little thing.  She is making good progress, they both are (kittens) but my dream of adopting them out while they are small and cute is probably just that.  They will be bigger by the time I get them properly socialized, and the way my drivers talk about cats I will not be giving them to a driver.  I will figure something out. 

I took their water bowl and filled it up (inside the house) and Mama cat scolded me for taking it when I came back.  They would be in big trouble without that water bowl.  I even saw a squirrel waiting for a drink out of the bowl.  Then Mama cat tried to get in the house when I went back.  I told her to be patient, it would be a few days but it would happen.