Tuesday noon

 I am feeling a little better, did some kitchen work this morning.  Texted a little with my aunt, she has a "purrfect" paradise of boxes as she unpacks.  She is visiting my Dad this week.  

I am happy for both of them; it says a lot the 3 siblings are all very close even at their age.  And they are all doing pretty well.   

Two have heart trouble so I will have to watch out for that.  I can stay active and take my Vitamin E in the meantime.  I am a big fan of Vitamin E for hearts.  Ron would never take it and it's a shame, he had a lot of scarring on his heart and pericardium from lifesaving (for 18 years at least) surgery back in 2003.  They had to make an incision in the sac around his heart and it healed up but had a lot of scarring which, if I read the report correctly, did help contribute to his death.  But I take the view I did get the 18 years out of him which is a lot better than his life expectancy before the surgery.  They took out over a liter of old blood from his pericardium when they did the operation.  And it was good training for the cardiac surgery student.  I am sure Doc had the student do most of the operation.  Ron was a really good overall teaching case.  I am glad he went to the Medical Center after the accident, they sent a helicopter and everything.  

Re: abusive comments.  I am not posting, I am not reading, I am deleting and will continue to do so.  If necessary I will TURN OFF COMMENTS again don't forget I AM GOD on this blog.  You post because I LET you post, no more, no less.  And might I say it takes a really AWFUL person to make those sort of comments to someone who has been through what I have, especially in the last year.  That is all.  

I probably shouldn't have responded; Gavin De Becker would be unhappy with me and tell me I should have continued to delete and ignore and let them find someone else to kick.  I am just glad I had no one like that when I was a teenager.  

Looking back I really only had one awful person in my life, a fellow student named Scott.  He bullied me and a girl who had developed early, and had very large breasts.  He was always making awful comments to us both and her in particular.  I eventually forgave him and looked him up on Facebook but he didn't accept the friend request, and was alone in the photo.  Dan, from church youth group, had a family photo of himself and twin girls.  I was very happy to see that I am sure he is an awesome father, but he had gotten off Facebook but they wouldn't let him delete the photo I guess.  

I had a very good church youth group from about age 12-17.  They were very kind, accepting, and supportive.  Having FAS I made all sorts of social fumbles and they would just kind of roll their eyes at each other and go back to whatever.  But they were very kind and the group was a good place for me 2x a week during some very bad times.  I probably would not have been so eager to rush into things with Ron if I had still been at that church, but my parents had moved me due to a church split over a widower pastor who remarried quickly.  Dad felt he shouldn't have.  I always felt you find love where you find it, but I didn't tell Dad that.  I was essentially alone and unprotected spiritually so an easier target.  But I do wish them all well and look forward to seeing them again.  

A bag of roast chicken fell out of my freezer when  I opened the door so I put it in the fridge and will have it for dinner tomorrow night.  It is nice to know I have a full freezer.  It isn't large but it is full; God is very good to me.  And yes I can still say that after EVERYTHING.  Rotisserie chicken freezes and reheats well.  Baby Girl loved roast chicken.  

And yes I think she is dead.  She gave up after Ron died and had just been on a steady decline since then, just like Torbie.  Just like Torbie she gave up.  I am convinced.  They were not poisoned, they gave up.  They had no acute symptoms other than just a profound depression.  And yes I got them checked out.  

How many times have you heard of a spouse just up and dying after being widowed?  It happens.  I have my faith holding me up; that seems to be it for me.  I do have some support even with my aunt moving.  And if something awful happened she would come.  My Dad came after Ron died. He wanted to come right away but I needed to close the business and focus on telling all the Postal Workers he was dead.  You know some of them thought Ron died of COVID even though I told everyone he wasn't sick?  He was "fine" right up until he died, my last phone call proves that.  He was in great spirits.  

That morning he had been begging God for relief from the pain; and God did that.  Not how I expected but Ron hasn't suffered in over a year.  He probably has bad moments when I am out riding the bus in the dark.  But he is in paradise I don't begrudge him that.  

And the weather is still nice, this is great.  I have had a go-to pair of elastic waist shorts from Walmart I have had for years.  And they are getting loose now.  I am sure I have something else that will work when these get too loose.  

Eventually, before it gets too hot, I need to go out in the garage and organize my fat clothes I just have bags sitting around.  I want them in plastic because floods, pipe breaks, etc.  I don't plan on needing them again but you never know.  

And I am off aspartame.  Between the soda and the drink mix I was getting a LOT.  I am really pleased I was able to get through the withdrawal.  I still have a little caffeine I work weird hours, I will need it now and then, but no more aspartame.  

I would have a lot of problems with food cravings after having aspartame and that is pretty much over now, I am pleased about that and expect some weight loss out of that.  It also helps I am not getting all the processed "foods" so I am getting real nutrition, fat, protein, and some carbs.  I don't plan to eat a lot of carbs but when I do it will be rice vs. wheat.  The end goal is to get off the wheat as well.  

That's it for now.