Tuesday night

 Having some depression tonight.  I didn't finish everything I would have liked to do but I did find my rice strainer so that saves me a trip to the dollar store Friday.  Besides, I have a date with the fence guy.   I will also log into the Walmart employee website and set up my free Walmart + account, I might as well take advantage.  And finally put together my hand cart.  So a lot planned for Friday but none of it involves spending my tax refund.  

My parents have become chaplains.  They have had a lot of training and were getting training in depression tonight.  I told them one notable thing about my depression I never want to shower, it is always something I have to force myself to do.  They were intrigued by that (you can tell they don't live nearby or they would have seen it with me day to day).  

And that got me thinking; I am pretty much over the grief part of depression.  What I have now (actually at this moment) feels more like the same old organic depression I have had my whole life.  I still have grief especially like last night when I had the 3 triggers, the hand like Ron's, the wheelchair like Ron's, the blind man like Ron.  No wonder I got a little sad.  

But day to day it doesn't really hit me Ron is dead.  I am still coming to terms with losing my brown girls but I am growing.  

Biscuit is next to me very cuddly.  I haven't seen much of the Spot-man.  Cleo has been around.  

Tomorrow shouldn't be too bad it is only a five and a half hour shift.  That's nice I don't waste an hour on a meal (unpaid).  I get paid the whole $66 which I will take.  I will have to time my break carefully I think around the 3 hour mark?  I'll see.  

Tomorrow morning I plan to fix my lunch.  I just need to make some rice and mix with a can of beans, make a couple of fake peanut butter and honey sandwiches.  

My hives are still around but not worse.  I did try Ron's famous remedy, rubbing alcohol (you know how many half full bottles I found of rubbing alcohol in his room when I cleared it?).  Anyway I slathered it on the hives and it did provide some relief.  I had some ointment which is zinc cream with hydrocortisone.  I am not crazy about it.  When I do get to the dollar store I will look for a better cream because I do get hives every year or so.  

My dad has a lot of allergies and I suspect I do too: chocolate, nuts, crab for starters.  I get hives and/or migraines when I consume them.  In a perfect world I would have a complete allergy workup but that might be too depressing.  

Oh, the bus dropped the mask mandate.  Dropped that one pretty quick!  As soon as the ruling came out they dropped it less than a day later.  I know a lot of people will be happy about that.  I am inclined to go without a mask at least this summer, maybe wear one during cold and flu season.  Or maybe not.  I don't wear a mask at work.  I am really happy I don't have to wear a mask at the bus stop in the middle of summer, that wasn't much of a treat.  

I plan to wear a performance t shirt to work and then change into another shirt for work.  One day last summer I got so hot and sweaty waiting on my bus I had to buy a new shirt to wear for my shift.  I don't want to do that.  

I am really anticipating the new gas station, that will be great it will have excellent lighting and I will be able to ride the bus in the dark.  Right now I have to wear a white t shirt, safety vest, and light, jump around when I see him in order to get spotted and catch my ride.  

I am feeling better now that my medication's on board.  Hopefully I will sleep OK tonight.  I don't take anything for sleep just mood control.  

Anyway that's it for now.