Sunday

 I have decided I am probably not seeing Baby Girl again.  She had been so depressed after Torbie died I think she just gave up - somewhere not on my property, though.  I feel like the hits keep on coming and hopefully I get a break for a while now.  First I lost Ron, then I lost Torbie, my aunt moved, and then I lost Baby Girl.  

If she does make a return I will be delighted, of course, but one thing she always did was greet me when I came home, and Friday was the last day she did that.  She didn't like strangers do I don't think anyone took her.  I would rather get on with the grief process than hang on, wondering, hoping... I will say my brown girls did stick around for a year after losing Ron.  

So that has sucked.  

I had some yogurt last night.  I have had it in the past; but last night I was up half the night with wracking cramps and other symptoms I won't mention that all go to LACTOSE.  I cannot do a speck of lactose now.  But when I woke up this morning I had a very mild headache.  I was quite pleased I could get going.  

I have been embarrassed to share this but I will go ahead and do it.  I leave the house 4 hours before my shift starts.  2 hours are spent in transit, if not more.  The rest I spend shopping at work (getting a snack, or, in the other day, a get well card), and eating my snack in the breakroom.  That works for me.  When I get a ride I get to work about an hour before my shift starts and do it that way.  

So, today, I started at 10.  They love the 10-2 for me on the weekends and Monday.  But it's money.  So I left the house at 6, found myself at work by 7 very embarrassed by that.  "Heather!  When do you start?"  But I did get there pretty easily on the bus.  The first bus stop is very dark and hard to see me so I wore my reflective vest and safety light.  The driver said "I never would have seen you without the light.  I wish everyone did that".  So that is staying put in my bag.  This was the first time I left the house that early to go to work.  I plan to do that tomorrow as well, it will work, I think, as long as I have my light.  And it will lighten up earlier as we get closer to summer.  

So I did my shift and left, I didn't catch the 2:10 but I got out there about 2:18.  There is a bench and I felt fine sitting there because I had my work vest on.  No one was going to assume I was homeless, yes I am proud about that and God is probably going to teach me humility on that, but I don't want people trying to give me food.  I'm poor but not that bad.  

The bus came about 2:35.  It was the regular 2:10 guy, there had been a wreck and the street had been blocked off.  He was having a really bad day so I was glad I had some candy.  And yes, I hand out the candy almost every day, just not at work because they are "inclusive".  Saying someone is a sinner and going to hell without Jesus is not in their game plan (in almost every tract I distribute).  I respect that, I can always have a lifestyle witness if nothing else.  A couple of other employees know they can come to me for a little treat now and then.  I feel good about that.  Hopefully they also see me as a diligent worker.  Just tell me what to do and I will do it, and you won't have to tell me twice.  

So there were a couple of manic guys on the bus, one was picking fights, one was singing - badly, one was drunk and staggering around.  Pretty much a typical weekend on the bus.  I was laughing to myself at the circus, you could have a great reality show on this bus route.  I had a good transfer and went to the grocery store.  

And they had jacked up prices just in the week since I had been there!  I was disgusted and will not be going back for a while.  They do have the pinata mix candy in the 5 pound bag which I covet, but I am OK for now.  I did get a ground turkey chub (I am thinking season it and mix it with rice), a sausage chub (I love ground sausage, I envision that in portioned containers with a fried egg or two), and some chicken hot dogs 75 cents for the pack.  For 75 cents I will give it a try.  I can always cut them up and mix them with chili and rice like Ron used to do in college.  

After that I was hungry and wanted a treat, so I went to the takeout place and got a couple of samosa They are fried things with a savory filling.  I love them.  I ate mine at the bus stop (total cost: $4.33), but the red pepper made my nose run and I didn't have a hanky.  That was awkward.  I had a VERY nice driver get me to go home he was so polite and kind.  There are good people out there.  Then I had to hoof it home with all my crap, and I had a lot.  The water bottle adds a lot of weight, it is one of those double wall metal ones and a large capacity.  But I already paid for it years ago so I don't want another one.  It works for now.  I may get something lighter down the road.  I just taped an index card on mine with my name and a happy face so no one takes it by accident.  

I have a modest savings account for taxes and insurance, I put $250 a pay check into it.  I believe I would not quality for any kind of food stamps as a result.  I may look into it.  My budget is at the point I would take an EBT card if I could get it.  But I can live pretty cheap if it comes to it.  

That's it for now.  Our weather has been lovely and actually fun to ride the bus (aside from the manic guys).