Monday morning

 I woke up a couple times but otherwise slept OK last night.  I slept in until 7 😂, got up.  

I got on the computer for a while, took my antidepressant, did my God Time.  Spotty came out from under the bed in Ron's (guest?) room, meowing sweetly at me, and got in my lap after rubbing scent markers all over my tablet (a gift from Dad some years back), it was adorable.  We read a couple of devotionals together until someone knocked on my door.  He only spoke Spanish but I gathered he wanted me to hire him to mow the lawn.  I said no thanks but did take a card because you never know.  He seemed like a nice kid and I don't ask questions on immigration status these days.  

God kind of let me know it was my job to evangelize them, only.  Not judge them.  And I don't anyway, I have been to the slums of Tijuana, spent a month total there in High School, and it was awful.  I would want to get away from that, too.  No running water the stench of rotting human waste...like a Mexican driver told me, they don't have a stray cat and dog problem, they get eaten.  It is that bad.  And they used to take us there to do mission work (church) and then take us to Disney on the way home.  Talk about culture shock.  

I had a horrific, suicidal depression at Disney one night after my youth group ditched me and ran off to do their own thing...it was horrible.  Everything was "happy, happy" and I just wanted to die.  If I could have figured out a way to do myself in I would have, it was that bad.  I had some ferocious bouts with suicide over the years but happily not for about 10 years on this (medication) cocktail.  

So anyway I didn't even like Disney even before they came out with the pride agenda.  They have a right to do that.  I have a right not to buy their products.  So I don't.  

I did like the open air markets in Tijuana.  They were fun I liked haggling even though my family never gave me much money, I would still buy them trinkets.  When we met Ron had a can of "Bullshit Repellent" he said a friend had bought him from Mexico, they had some fun novelty stuff at least 30 years ago.  It is not safe now though.  

I wore huraches most of high school.  My adoptive Mom got them at Payless shoes.  I wore them with everything.  I was bummed to see Payless go out of business I really liked buying shoes there.  This was before Ron and I had access to a Walmart which only started about 20 years ago.  My favorite current shoe is a slip on fake Croc I bought a couple years ago after the pipe break.  If I am out with my aunt I'm in those.  The rest of the time some sort of work sneaker.  

I plan to go to Foodtown tomorrow morning with Jack, if he wants the trip.  If he does I will wear the crocs.  I will also do my housework.  Today I am not going to do anything but take out the trash and recycle.  

Moderately depressed but I did get my God Time.  I am doing an experiment and washing my hair every 36 hours, it has better shine for sure so I think I may do that long term.  We will see, I'll have time to evaluate the next couple days.  I may have to go back to every day when it gets hot and I'm riding the bus to work every day.  We'll see.  

But I will keep plugging on.  Ugh I get so sick of depression.