Ron decided, on his own, to swear off the hard stuff. He hates blackouts. After making the decision he found some Everclear in a flask in his cabinet. He smelled the bottle (probably trying to see if it was the whiskey), considered a moment, shuddered, and put it back in the cabinet. I told him it would make a great molotov cocktail or disinfectant. He shuddered again and said yeah.
Someone asked a good question: does he vomit? Does he have hangoves? Never, to both. Well, he did back in 1993 when he got laid off. Other than that, no.
So, what does he do when he has a blackout? Generally he just stays in one location, I don't realize he's having a problem until he starts making grunting noises. When I hear them I know we have entered the land of the blackout. When he tries to get up to the bathroom, he falls a lot, might crawl, or just lay there on the floor. He will probably pass out - which looks a lot like falling asleep to me because he is already lying down. He has a lot of trouble getting up and I don't help him because he can get belligerent. So, I just leave him there.
If I need to, I step over him.
8 to 12 hours, or even longer on one occasion, he will wake up and want to know what he did. He realizes, from the time, he must have had a blackout - but he prefers "fugue state" - I guess that sounds more elegant. I'm not hating, just stating.
Unfortunately, head injuries aggravate drinking. So, where he could drink a lot without any problems, he gets into trouble a lot faster now.
OK, all that said, Ron is back to drinking only beer ane wine. While he likes to "turn down the volume knob", he doesn't want to turn off entirely. He doesn't want to deal with me describing what he did.
For a very long time, when he'd ask, I'd alternate between playing the victim and playing the persecutor. "How could you do this to me?" being the cfy in either case. AGH. God has shown me He doesn't want me playing games.
I can't fix this. Ron can't fix this. Only God can fix this, when Ron is willing to get help.
So, I leave it with God, refuse to buy him alcohol, and try to be very matter of fact when describing blackout stuff. "You passed out in the kitchen, I gave you a pillow and went to bed. You have an illness, when you're ready to get help you will. I know you can beat this when you're ready to fight."
2 comments:
Mark a calendar privately, like a woman marks her cycles. JustvX days he gphits the floor and O days he swears off the booze. Then one the good days out smilies? Whatever is easiest. Maybe there is a pattern you will notice that could help?
Just sayin keep it simple and this is one of those he who helps " self" aka Heather here. Patterns help care takers gear up for the hard shit
You amaze and scare me!
That's a good point. I have a little notebook - but I don't have to hide it because he can't read and wouldn't understand what I was doing, if he could.
I know the last blackout he was just extremely traumatized from the shooting. Generally he gets into trouble when he is upset and wants to, his words, "turn off".
I can only do what I do because I leave it all up to God! I'd have melted by now otherwise.
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