God is lucky to have me

One huge peril I see with the Bible Handouts: worse than getting shot or mugged by some gang-banger in the ghetto.  Worse than injury getting the Bibles distributed, hit by a car, arrested, or thrown off the corner: PRIDE.

Oh, it would be so easy to get sucked into the pride thing.  But, as my "boy" Thi'sl reminds me "It's not about me".

It's hugely difficult for me when people get all "Oh, you're so wonderful, I could never do it..." "You're such a blessing"

Part of me, the "flesh" wants to gobble it all up and say no one but me, Heather B, can do this work.  God is lucky to have me.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I don't know for certain why God chose me for this.  I know I am willing.  If He sends me, I'll go.  I know God set me up, living in crackhead neighborhoods for 12 years, so the crackhead neighborhoods wouldn't scare me.  I guess that's a big deal, because I don't see anyone else out there.

I dealt with a lot of shame, humiliation, and bullying growing up and beyond.  I was always saying and doing exactly the wrong thing - but as a result I'm willing to "humiliate" myself like a homeless person begging for change, if it means someone will take a Bible.   I could care less if they laugh at me.

It's so true, Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

I think I can really see that in my life.  I'm glad God does use me, but I'm just a tool.  

When you look at it, God orchestrates the whole thing.  First, He sends a sponsor who buys whatever it is I need to distribute.  Then He ensures I actually get the Bibles.  In the meantime, He is working in the heart of each and every recipient.  He guides me in placing the right tracts and add-ons into the Bible.  I don't use the same one, I mix them up, knowing everyone gets the perfect one for them.  

He's not done yet.  He lets me know when to go, and arranges the paratransit so we get to the corner at exactly the right time.  Once we're there, He works the schedule of the recipients so they pass me at the exact moment I'm out there with the sign, waving.  

I hand them the Bible, they go on.  Hopefully they read it.  Maybe they got more than one, and they hand them to the exact people God wanted to reach.  Some of them, hopefully, get saved.  

And I did it?  I think not.  God does it all.  I'm just a step in the process.  I'm glad He can use me but I don't credit myself with anything more than being willing to go.  

I think Jesus said it best in Luke 17:10:
So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”

I also ask God to keep me humble, obedient, and useful.  Pride will completely destroy that.  Now it's onto daily prayer for the recipients, as promised.